The parasite.

The parasite latches on and grows,
Slowly digging into the core,
Taking, giving and changing,
until you recognise yourself, not.

You love the symbiosis,
the mutual feeding off.
Can't imagine life without,
Until you recognise them, not.

Remind you, I must,
A parasite is just a parasite,
Takes more than it gives,
Destroys more than nurtures.

It will end one day, when,
Anymore you can't give.
Empty and devoid, you shall be,
Exhausted and alone.

A parasites need a core to live,
Yours or somebody else's.
Special you aren't,
Just another empty core.

Naivety

The months of conversation could not have prepared him for today. She sat there in front of him. Currently absorbed in her phone, making plans with her friends. He sat there meekly waiting for her to finish but unsure if he wanted her to.

She looked at him with raised eyebrow. Different parts of his body reacted differently to just that one glance. He wondered what would happen next. She got off the phone.

"Want a cigarette?" she asked.

"I hate the smoke," he replied.

"Mind if I?"

"Well I rather that you don't."

"Say what you want, clearly, henceforth. I rarely take hints."

"Ok. Your place or mine?" he answered shedding that naivety she knew was just a charade.

The way I know how.

Reading my blog post, a friend commented that I sounded tired. And yes, I am tired. The daily grind is awesome. I sleep as less as I can muster courage to do. I go out with friends and have fun till I can't take it anymore and slump down on my bed. But it is days like these, when the University is over, friends have been met over a casual cup of coffee, it is almost 1am and you are up, awake, with nothing to do.

It is in moments like these, that the stupid brain starts to work and memories come rushing back. Now, it isn't memory of a single person or a single moment, it is amalgamation of so many different things that I want to scream out loud. If I were to narrate my story to someone from the beginning to the end, I come across as such a vile person. But this has all been in the quest of one single thing : Happiness.

Unfortunately, it has always been MY happiness. I say to the butterfly that runs away from me, just as I cozy up to it sitting on my shoulder : No more.

I have had enough of running, tiring and then running again, only to be tired. Enough of the search for the horizon. I shall be happy where I am, now. It is hard not to think of what is to come, but I shall triumph. How I am not sure. I shall not slump into my old habits. I shall not make some calls that I shall truly regret, and if I do make them, I shall not regret.

I shall live, the way I know how to.

Limits

I loved limits in Math at school. It was always tending to something without really being it.

X ---> 0 But,
X is not = 0.

That is how the world seems right now. Everything feels as if without being. Routine has set in and days whoosh by and actually make that whoosh sound while they pass.

This one year. This one freaking year is almost over and what a year it has been. Ups, downs, downs, dumps and ups and let's see where the rest of the days take me.

It is all about stretching your limits,
It is all about reaching for the skies,
Standing on your tip toes,
Spreading your hands, wide,
Reaching for that which is high above.

That which is not within you reach,
Yet in sight,
That which tempts and teases,
From oh so far away,
With their eyes fixed upon yours.

Fatigue enters the limbs,
Creeping into the core of the soul,
Give up? Give in?
And let the horizons be,
For they are nothing, but a mirage.

Cutting loose.

When the guarded soul lets loose, there is a pandemonium that occurs inside. 

When emotions flow unrestrained, quite like the tears flowing down the cheeks, there is turmoil that occurs inside.

I thought 

of what I had - Nothing.

of what I didn't have - Everything.

of what I had a lost - A lot.

of people I had lost - A lot.

Some due to things beyond control - Mom. (13 yrs later, I still don't know how to handle it)

Some due to my craziness - I am sorry.

of those who used and abused.

of those I used and abused.

of how it never seems to end.

of the despair that it will truly never end.

of how, maybe it isn't too late to make amends.

of how, maybe it is too late.

Schizophrenic.

I am a little fucked up in the head.
Just a little, I swear.
I do things, I shouldn't
And never regret them.
I live in my head, dreaming
And thinking all the time.
I love it that way.
I live in my lala land where
everything is my way.
Why should I bother changing then?
When I have the perfect world
You only wish you had.
It ain't real, you say.
Look in my head, I retort,
Everything is as real as
Real can ever be.

Ice cream and chocolate sauce

"I won't stay for long," he said, "I have work tomorrow."
"Just for dinner," I cajoled.
He sat, one among the others.
We ate with our eyes it seemed.
Licking off pasta sauces, sly smile, twinkled eyes.
"Ice cream?," I ask.
He nods, reluctantly.
"I really need to leave."
Double fudge chocolate.
"Chocolate sauce?"
He sighes.
Nod once, half hearted once again.
Sauce dribbled in the shape of a heart.
The last dribble licked off the finger.
He looked up and smiled.
I knew he was sold on the icecream and more.

I walk this road.

I walk this road.
This road of self-destruction.
I know, well, where it will take me.
And yet, I walk.
Why?
Because there is hope.
A slight chance.
That it will take me somewhere else.
Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
What can I say? Except maybe that I am insane.
At least I am not hopeless, not a cynic.
Not yet, at least.
I still have hope.

Echoes.

It echoes throughout the skies,
It echoes in the streets,
It echoes in deep hollows
of the bleeding heart.

Vacuum fills up,
where once you resided.
Void remains,
where once you belonged.

It echoes to remind of the hollow
that I have become.
It echoes to remind of the love
that I lost.

It shall echo until one day,
when it will hurt no more.
The bruises will heal and
it will echo no more.

For OSI

Dear Aunty in the Bus

Dearest Aunty in the bus,

First of all, I am sorry for my generation. We are rash and brash. We are unapologetic and careless. We are rude and crude. We don't say our please and thank yous and most of all, we don't say 'sorry'.

I am forced to believe that not all of us are like that but most of us, yes, are the stereotypical youth.

I am sorry that the idiot would not offer you his seat even though he seemed pretty able bodied. I am sorry that he didn't even glance at you apologetically when he hit you with his bag. I want to give him the benefit of doubt.

I wish I wasn't standing so that I could offer you a seat. I wish I had walked up to him and asked him to put his feet off the seat. Why didn't I? I am sorry for being apathetic.

It is just as much my fault for not stepping up as it is his for being a complete jackass.

Not anymore, I promise.

From,
Just another brash youth.

What else can I say?

I am just plain tired. Of a lot of things. I feel like cribbing and complaining but I really don't have any concrete to say.

I had a wonderful weekend and I should feel happy and nice right? But no.

My Indiblogger rank fell drastically and I am irritated that I don't blog. Well, that is mainly because I have nothing to say. I miss those days where I used to blog everyday but I mainly miss the fact that I had something to say.

It isn't like shit isn't happening. It has and it has been hitting the fan too. But I just sigh and clean it up and then the next day, more shit hits the fan.

Most days, I feel like a zombie. Go to college and back. That is it.

What more do I want? Isn't this how it is supposed to be? I hated drama when it happened and now, it feels bland.

Trust me, when I say, drama has been happening but I just feel the need to blog about it.

Is this what growing up feels like?

True Friend

Loneliness- you never left my side,

From me you never did hide.

Whether did surge or ebb the tide,

By me you always lied.

Whether alone or not,

Your presence has never been in doubt.

Whether spring or fall,

You have been with me through it all.

Whether a smile or frown,

You have been always around.

Whether life was up or down,

You never did me renoun,

True, whatever turns did life take,

You are a friend unfake.

Then how am I alone, how am I lonely?

Written on Tuesday, October 11, 2005. (I was 17 then) 

Posted for OSI

The way it begins is not the way it ends.

Monday morning blues. Come on who hasn't that awesome Sunday night with friends and then had to wake up at 7am? Sigh. Grumpy.

Some tamasha in the city = bus strike, apparently.

Do we go for that field visit or not? Oh let's just go back to sleep. 1hr of dilly dalling = me frustrated and irritated.

Calls to the professors. Can we cancel going to the NGO? Oh sir, please? It ain't safe outside.

NO.

Ok so we have to go. Let's go? No.

How do we go?

For some weird reason, my classmates are aversive to the trains.

Make some calls. Are trains safe today? Yes.

Screw you. I am going by train. Anyone coming? Of course.

50 mins later, reach there.

Boring lecture in Tamil for 45 mins = Me sleepy and even more irritated.

Prof : R, if you have any questions, you can ask, ma!

Me in my head : I will ask without understanding kya?

Me aloud : No sir, I am fine.

Some time and one tea (with loads of sugar) later, "Ok. Most kids are at school but there are some you can interact with."

Me in the head: Damn. It isn't over kya?

Some more tamil speaking and me grumpier than ever.

R, this boy speaks Hindi.

Oh brilliant (sarcastic)

So, random silly questions.

What is your name?

AjithKumar....The Ultimate Superstar.

Ok. Blah blah...Interaction with other kids.

Bored.

Hey, you can't be a superstar if you can't dance. Dance karoge? (will you dance?)

Nahi. Nahi. (No. No)

Chal be, karna padega (Oh come on, you have to.) [Good thing, my professor doesnt understand my hindi}

Aap karoge to (If you dance with me)

Chal thik hai (Done)

Boy starts dancing to Waka Waka.

Rest of the boys join in.

My class boys join in.

The girls join in.

Boy, in the end, "Aap heroine ho." (pronounced : heroine-knee)

What an end to a horrible day! :)

And btw, we went to Karunalaya and they do some awesomely fantastic work here.

The train that never reached

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 15; the fifteenth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

"I have been waiting for you, since 30 mins. Where are you?" he said, sounding really irritated.

"I am so sorry. I am just on my way. The train is really slow. Are you still at the station?" I replied, over the din of the train.

"Yes." And he cut the call.

I sensed he was mad at me. I wish this train would go faster. It would take me atleast 15 mins more. As the train was approaching the station, I sent him a text, ' Reaching in 2. Wait near the entrance?"

Reply : "Don't bother. I had a long day. I just want to go home now. You do the same. See you later."

Shit, he was really mad.

As the train began to pull into the station, it suddenly stopped.

It just refused to move. I was getting more and more impatient. I dialled his number. No response. He does that when he is angry. I keep trying.

Text : "Please pick up my calls. I am stuck here. It really aint my fault."

15 minutes.

Train wasn't moving nor was he picking up the call.. Panic.

Phone ringing. Dad.

"Dad, can I call you later? I am stuck in the train."

"Don't you dare get out of there. There is some problem at the station. Just don't get off."

"But Dad, he is waiting for me at the station."

"Shit. Just don't get out. He'll call you. Ok?"

"Ok."

What the hell was happening? The networks were jammed. There was panic in the train.

30 mins later, the train started moving in the opposite direction. What? I just made my way home. Hoping and praying, he had done the same.

All night long, I called and I called. Watched TV all night. Emotion-less. Terrorist attack? Shooting at CST station?

Where the hell was he?

The mind unready to believe something had happened to him. City lockdown.

No, nothing could have happened. He just went home and slept. He is just being oblivious to the world as he usually is.

Phones totally cut. Eyes, stuck to the television.

How do I know he is ok? How the hell do I know?

27hrs later. Eyes still glued. Phones still out. Foodless, waterless, sleepless and maybe even breathless.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but I did. When I woke up, the scene was the station was on TV. Blood everywhere and glass shattered. A chill ran down my spine.

No. No. He said he was leaving. he left.

Door bell. Strengthlessly, I opened the door. There he stood in front of me, with that crooked smile of his.

"Shit, you look like a mess. Where were you? I was waiting." he said.

PS: Almost true story!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Credits
Image - Alston Station by Wandering Soul
Courtesy - www.deviantart.com via www.blogaton.in

Not until I say so.

It is not over until I say so.

I shall not give up until I am not ready to do so.

I shall not regret not giving up.

I shall do whatever it takes.

I shall forgive myself.

I shall sleep peacefully knowing I did my best.

Until then, I shall be hopeful.

Update: I kept saying to myself that I wouldn't/shouldn't do something all day long. And that it would ruin it all. I tried and tried harder. Spoke to friends, spoke a little more. Then, I said, screw it and sent out a mail I was meaning to. I deleted it. With crazy emotions out of the way, I wrote the email, again, now, calmly. I haven't got a reply yet, but I feel better.

Does she have a story?

Does she have a story to tell? Did she have dreams to share? Did she have a life full of adventures and trials? Does she believe in God?

Did she love a man and have a family? Did she have her heart broken only to find herself stronger? Did she cry on the day she got married? Did she get the wedding she always dreamt of? Did she get married at all?

Did she want to have a career? Was she a stay at home mom? Was she a strict mom? Did she have a happy childhood?

A million and one thoughts ran through my mind as I saw an old lady begging at the signal. I wonder what a life she might have had. I think and realise maybe her life started and might just end at the signal. Nothing more to it. No dreams, no thoughts except where the next meal will come from. The next instant, I see a small child at the signal. Will the child have the same life? A life that begins and ends at the same place. No dreams, no thoughts.

Friendships!

I read this on a friend's blog and as usual, a discussion ensued. Friendship is a complicated relationship, isn't it? Each person's take on it is different and more importantly, your friendship differs depending on who it is with.

There are friends, acquaintances and bleh bleh categories but within friends, there are categories too right?

What the hell am I rambling about? Well, basically, we were never taught to define friendship in school, were we? (Thank God for that) and we are to find our own way around this complex relationship. We all make rules and break them. Some people seem to have no boundaries between friends.

I think it is like dropping someone in the deep blue ocean and asking them to swim. We all learn. We just learn. That is what makes each friendship special, ain't it?

I miss home

Do you know the sounds that make your house? If I close my eyes and imagine that I am home, I can hear the pressure cooker whistle, my grandmother humming, the door bell ringing, my servants chattering away in marathi, the phone ringing, random marathi songs blaring on the radio, the clunk and cluttering of pots and pans. All this makes my home, a happy home.

What do I hear now? Eeerie crazy silence.

When I would wake up at home, I would wake up to the aroma of breakfast. Here, I wake up to a growling stomach and the need to make some food and no1 to make it for me.

I am lost. I miss home. Does it get easier? I really wish it could.

Now Playing : Home - Buble (must stop)

Homesickness and me

Homesickness. I am homesick and maybe depressed. Ok I am a psychology student and saying the D word loosely is blasphemy. Ok. Ok Back to the topic. I miss home. A lot. I miss the craziness. My house back home is small(er) than the one I live/share here and there is Amma (Nani), Ajja (Nana), Akash (my brother) and someone or the other. There is always something happening. Phone ringing off the hook. Neighbours coming in to borrow stuff, randomly just to chat up or ask for their key because they have been locked up.

Here, most of the time, I am all alone and I miss the chaos. I miss fighting with my brother. I just miss having people around. I miss the familiarity.

But this post isn't about it. While I was there, I cribbed about having nothing to do. About things at home. About a lot of things. Now, I am at tabula rasa. Which means I can do whatever I want. I can build my life here from scratch. I can do things I always wanted. Yes, I will miss having people waiting for me back home but there will be always be there.

I am going to deal with this homesickness. I am going look at the positive side of things. I am going to print loads of pictures of my friends and family and put them up in my room. I am going to look at them and say, hey there are a lot of people who love me. I have loads of people in my life who actually miss me. That is the amount of love in my life.

To all old friends and new. To all the lovely places yet to be discovered in this wonderfully hot city called Chennai. To all the lonely nights with hot chocolate. To all the experiences that shall shape me.

The real you

Everything and everyone has a break point. The point beyond which you just can't take it anymore. There comes a point where the negativity and craziness just HAS to end. Once you reach that point, only then does the real and strong you surface!

3ww : Break, negative, surface

What is the truth?

There are 3 versions to any story. My version, your version and the truth.

I wonder if you heard a story about someone that you know and at first they didn't seem that way but the story you heard is pretty nasty, then would you believe it? Even if you didn't, wouldn't you be wary of that person the next time, you need to trust them?

Wouldn't it be easier to ask them what happened? Of course not. That is intrusion, isn't it? So we sit in our cosy spectator seats and look and maybe even laugh and cry with what is happening but never ever can we meddle.

For all the world is a stage.

To you.

Dear I can't name you here,

I really don't understand our relationship. We are mutually dependent and yet you seem so distant. I left my city, my life, my friends and came to your city and the least I expect is a little bit of understanding.

I don't know why but every time I argue with you, I feel guilty. I feel like I'm betraying you. I wonder if you feel the same when you make random demands from me. I have my limits too. I know you say that ours should a relationship of adjustment. But why can't you just play by the rules? You say this is a bad world with no rules, let's make our own rules. Look around you. There are laws and there basic ways to behave, why can't you for once understand me?

Maybe I am spoilt and want you to do better. Is that so wrong? You can be better and it will help you and me. I am here but for 2 years. With you, close to you. Please make this time as memorable and pleasant. At the end of these 2 years, I wont be here and who knows where you'll be. Our relationship will never be the same. All we'll have is memories. Let me go back with happy ones.

Oh dear Chennai rickshaw drivers, listen to my plea, will you?

Love,
The girl new in your city.

Long lost

There are things about him I love that I can't really explain. The way he leaves his cigarettes for me after he says he won't. The way he looks while he is sleeping. The way he takes off my glasses when I am asleep. Oh, the way he tolerates my phobia of lizards, even though he finds it so damn irritating. The way he is cautious and weary of any guy around me. For all this and more, I love him too.

As he read this on her blog, he felt a sense of discomfort surrounding him. He didn't know who she was referring to. It most definitely couldn't be him. They hadn't spoken in over 4 years now. Was it seriously over? He wondered. All those moments they had spent together flashed in front of his eyes. Had she forgotten all of that? Could she have? Was it so easy? Moving on was never easy for him. She had forced him to move on when life seemed the bleakest. But she forgot to teach him how to move on from her. Life had moved on, yes. He had almost everything that he wanted, except the magic portion that could get rid of memories.

"Snap to the present," he said to himself. He splashed cold water on his face and lay on the bed. But memories haunted him.

At that precise moment, he got a call. A call from his band mate. He picked up phone, heard what he had to say and jumped up. Their band was going to be the opening act for one of the popular Indian bands. Was this really happening? Finally, a break.

The following 6 months were full of intense rehearsals. Work, rehearsal and craziness. And finally the day of performance arrived. Time to prove it to the world..

On stage, it was magical. Exhilarating high that only music can provide. He felt so alive that if he died tomorrow, he would have no regrets.

Part of the promotion was a band interview to be done after the show. He was almost in 2 minds to scoot away from here. But this was what he wanted, finally, after years of hard work. He sat in the interview room with his eyes closed. The interviewer entered, asked the routine questions and while he was there, he really wasn't. He felt like something was going to happen. What, he didn't know. But he kept waiting. Ah, maybe it was the fatigue, he thought.

Soon, the interview was over. All he wanted to do was crash, when suddenly, his band managed called out to them. His frustration rose. Unable to keep his eyes open or stand correctly on his 2 feet, he sat down once again.

"Boys," the manager said, " I need to discuss something with you."

"I promise it will be over  soon," he added quickly seeing the reluctance.

"I know we have been discussing about getting a PR person for a while now and this is the perfect opportunity."

"Can't this wait till tomorrow?" He asked.

"Well one of the leading PR consultants is here and she herself came to me said that she wanted to take charged of your publicity. Boys, quite frankly, it would be impossible for us to get her even if we tried. I think we should go for it. She is waiting outside. She wants to meet you."

He sighed. He was so not ready for this. He just wasn't prepared.

He assumed the lady came in. He was too tired to even open his eyes to look at her. He could voices of his band mates like they were coming from far away.

Suddenly he heard a voice, " Let him be."

He jolted up. Sleep drifting away like after a frightening nightmare. Only, this was real. The voice was hers. It was her. His eyes popping out like the ones in cartoon. She smiled at him. That serene smile. And slowly came toward him and said, "Hi  V."

That was it. He felt his world coming crashing down.

...Might be continued!

My favourite internet friend

Dear my-favourite-internet-friend,

How weird is for me to call you that? But that in fact is what remains.

I miss you. I miss what we used to be. I miss your advice. I miss your crazy talks. I miss you. I miss us.

In a twisted way, I wish we hadn't met. I wish things never had happened. I wish they wouldn't have gone sour. I wish we could still talk without fighting, without the hurt. I wish we could just be us.

This is just so you know that you are missed just as I am sure you miss me too. I wish things could go back. I wish I hadn't said those things but I did and so did you. I wish I could take the hurt back. I wish I could be more patient. But I am happy where I am now. And I hope you are too.

We learnt a lot. Thanks for those valuable lessons. Thanks for making me less of a cynic. Thanks putting up with me during my bad times. I needed you then. Now, I am fine, alone. I wish you could see the strong person I have become. I bet you wouldn't like me now.

Take care,
Love,
Your RV

Sweet Child of Mine

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, with yr eyes closed, I
remember all the times, I saw you sleeping. Today, I wish you could
just wake up.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I remember each time I bid
you goodbye. Off to school, then college. Now, forever. Hoping you'll
return in the evening.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I think of the dreams we
shared, all the hopes of the future. Someday, I wish they will come
true.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I try to find the wings
that will take you away from a land I called ours. I always asked to
spread your reach far and wide. Today, you've gone too far, I fear.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I try to come to terms with
not seeing you smile again. I try to grasp every memory, forcing
myself never to forget each moment we spent together, each smile,
every step we took.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I can't think of anything
to say to you. Just know, I love you.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, for the last time, I
promise you, your death will not be in vain.

Posted via email from psychedchick's posterous

If tomorrow never comes....

.... life will still go on.

Life is weird and complicated. A fellow blogger kept updating her blog about the condition of her very ill daughter. I kept reading, knowing very well that soon, I would see a post saying that she is home. I knew wrong. She passed away. Her daughter, just 3 yrs younger that I am right now, passed away. Sucks doesn't it? But that is life?

What do I say to her? I know very well how that feels? No I don't. Each one's grief is different.

I called my grandmother. She lost both her daughters and raised her grand children. I asked her, how do you deal with this? She said, you don't. Life just goes on.

What if tomorrow never comes? Simple, isn't it? I die, life, as I know it, ends. But what do I leave behind? What about people who loved me? People that I loved? What about my dreams? My hopes? I plan each day, knowing that I will have to live upto the promises that I made to myself. But what if life doesn't let me.

A friend who hates planning says, I live my life a quarter mile at a time. And the compulsive planner in me, scoffs. How can you not plan? How can you not dream? Whatever I do, I do for tomorrow. I have broken hearts, mine and others, because I wanted a better tomorrow. I have struggled. I have moved away from home, all for this mysterious tomorrow. Hell, I have hidden my feelings deep within me, not revealing them to anyone waiting for the right time. And then, that right time may never come because time leaves me cold turkey.

Live life one day at a time? Such an absurd thought.

Lie in the bed, realising what a waste of a day today was. I laugh, I cry, in vain.

To all the people that I love, I really wish I have more time with you. I hope I can say to you, all that I want to. I hope I do everything I want to. If I don't please remember, I did love you.

Please say a silent prayer for the one departed. I hope her parents find peace. I hope someday her parents meet her in heaven as I shall meet my Mom, someday.

Bloody leech

Dearest blood sucking leech,

Before I say anything, let me tell you that I really really don't like you. Hate might be too strong an emotion to waste on you. Let me remind you that you are sucking off from the work and hard work that I put in. It is my dedication and my complete devotion that you have stolen off. Don't you have an ideas of your own?

We were supposed to be partners but who does the things that you did and are doing? I wish there was a way, I could get out of it and trust me, I will find a way. It is just that I am too busy putting my efforts elsewhere, trying to make me a better person that I didn't bother with you. But now, I see you and I shall take you down. Somehow.

All said and done, I think you are doing a great job but you really didn't need to steal and leech. Hope you get the point and either stop or I will have to stop you..

Yours truly.


Ps: When I say "I", I mean "We" and when I say "you", I mean "you all".

I get by with a little help from my friends...

....but what if you have no friends. Don't get me wrong, I do have loads of friends but back there in Mumbai, my home, my city. I know it has been just a week and such things take time. Precisely my point, this period right in between is kinda sucky. I know a lot of girls in the hostel now and like a few too, smile at everybody and a few think I am funny (that makes me kinda awkward but I guess some1's effect is rubbing off on me...You know who I am talking about) Anyway, yesterday was the worst day here uptil now.. Had no class, had nothing to do. Others in the hostel were away attending class. Alone without glasses (oh I broke them), unable to read or stare at the laptop, I cried almost all day. I thought I was stronger. Maybe I am and yesterday was just a bad day, my vulnerable best but today, I am fine. Went out for a movie and back. Next week, lectures start proper 10-5. I will have no time to think or breathe and I hope when my head hits the bed, I shall sleep.

Oh dont you worry, I shall blog and most definitely, I shall tweet :P. But these lonely days teach you so much, if nothing, they teach you that you are more than the submission of events and people in your life. You are you. Nothing can define you. Nothing can break you, unless you let it.

Well, here is to many more days that shall make me stronger. To all the new friends I am making. To all the amazing ones I am missing and most importantly, to my family who misses me.

What do I do when my love is away.

(Does it worry you to be alone)

How do I feel by the end of the day

(Are you sad because you're on your own)

No, I get by with a little help from my friends,

Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends,

Mmm, gonna to try with a little help from my friends

(I love The Beatles)

Take a chance

Is it me or is it you or is it just us?
If the love were strong,
Why do we into stupid fights, digress.
Each cuts a little deeper,
Each fight making me wonder,
Of whether it is meant to be.

I wish there was a way to know,
The direction of wind to blow.
I wonder and wish, I knew
How things would end.
A happily ever after or
a broken heart to mend.

There isn't a way around,
A fair chance we have to give,
Win or lose, time shall tell.
Forever we shall achieve,
if today is what we steal.
All I am asking you, today is,
Take a chance on me.

Crazy as it might sound,
Crazy as I might be,
Insecure and at times, maybe,
Unworthy of it too.
With faults of another,
Let's take a chance on us?

Day 2 in hostel

This is my 2nd day in the hostel and well, I haven't written anything simply because it has taken a lot to adjust. Oh also I didn't have the net.

But now, I have settled. The nights get lonely (oh don't get ideas) but I have awesome roommates. They have helped me a lot during these days. So touch wood, we get along pretty well and they actually let me crack my silly jokes and laugh about it.

Food is well, not what I am used to. But well, adjusting to it will take time but I am really not a rice person. Thank God for Jr in the city. We atleast can do dhaba lunch once a week (If he lives upto what he said)

Chennai as a city is well a city. I shouldn't really compare it to Mumbai, this city has a different flavour. I love the trains here. No, I am serious. It has an amazing view especially the Chepauk station to the whatever is the next station. Full, almost aerial view of the Marina Beach.

What else can I say about this place except I finally got what I wanted?

#18 The person I wish I was

Dearest my ideal person,

You keep changing. But soon you and me shall meet soon.

Love,
Me

PS: If I do a contest of sorts on my blog, would that be nice?

Letter tag reply

So this letter tag has already made me smile so damn much. After an emotional day, I received this email from my friend for whom I had written this. I posting a part of the letter here. I love letters. Be free to write one to me. :D

Hey R!

Read your blog yesterday and got little emotional.

Babes, I know we haven’t been in touch that often for the past 4 years. We know each other but yet we don’t. But, it doesn’t bother me much because you are the same person for me too as I had known you in our school and college years. Time we spent shopping, classes, everything we did together. I am sure we both have grown as an individual. But, again it doesn’t concern me. I am sure we will get on like house on fire when we meet and catch up from where we left. :) Can’t wait for that moment.

Also, I want to tell you that I AM ALWAYS THERE FOR YOU. J

Miss you 

Luv,

N

#7 The one that got away

The letter tag is a very personal experience. Some of the letters are open while some will be password protected. Leave me a comment and I will share the password via email. :D

Show encrypted text


This post is a part of the 30 letter tag

#1 Best friend

My dearest best friend,

This word seems weird and alien but when I think of you, there is no other way I could describe it. The world has come between us (literally) and nothing really affected us. If it was anyone else, they would have gone disappeared from each other lives a long time back. You somehow make things so simple for me. We grew up together but now, we don't know each other yet you are my best friend. You are the one that I used to count upon when we went shopping, today, I count upon you to always be there.

Someday, you'll be back and things shall be the same. Maybe you won't be back and yet, we shall remain the same. That is the way we are. That is what you mean to me.

Love,
Me.


This post is a part of the 30 letter tag.

Show encrypted text

30 letter tag

I fear I can't write anymore. I need jump start my brain and while cruising through the internet, I found this tag. It is brilliant. And though, I can't promise to write a letter everyday (Moving to Chennai, I might not have the internet....That thought scares the hell out of me) but I will write as much as I can.


Now, this tag requires me to write 30 letters and no, I will not write them in any order. If I finish this tag before errr this year ends (?) I will treat myself to something nice. * Suggestions welcome to what that might be *

The list of letters are as follows :

1. Your Best Friend
2. Your Crush
3. Your parents
4. Your sibling (or closest relative)
5. Your dreams
6. A stranger
7. Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
8. Your favorite internet friend
9. Someone you wish you could meet
10. Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
11. A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
12. The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
13. Someone you wish could forgive you
14. Someone you’ve drifted away from
15. The person you miss the most
16. Someone that’s not in your state/country
17. Someone from your childhood
18. The person that you wish you could be
19. Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
20. The one that broke your heart the hardest
21. Someone you judged by their first impression
22. Someone you want to give a second chance to
23. The last person you kissed
24. The person that gave you your favourite memory
25. The person you know that is going through the worst of times
26. The last person you made a pinky promise to
27. The friendliest person you knew for only one day
28. Someone that changed your life
29. The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
30. Your reflection in the mirror

I just went through this entire list and man some letter will overlap and I wonder if I can password protect some of these posts. Any ideas? It ain't good to be all in the open, right? 


Update : As I complete the letters, I shall be updating the links here!

Chennai, me and home!

It has been a couple of days here in Chennai, away from home. I still feel like I am on vacation and I will be home soon. As days pass by, I realise that soon isn't soon enough.

13 things I miss about home ( In no particular order)

1. Waking up at noon - Seriously

2. Waking up at noon to the smell of awesome home cooked food - Need I say more?

3. My oven - My cookies, my cakes....

4. My pesky little brother - Can't live with him, can't live without him.

5. My friends - Randomly meeting up within 5 minutes of feeling bored.

6. Ability to travel anywhere at any time - Nothing against Chennai but I will take some getting used to the roads and modes of transport.

7. Talking to the halwadar in Marathi and getting away with parking "for 2 mins" in the no parking zone.

8. Oh all the women in the train who taught me some awesome Marathi and Hindi cuss words - I promise to come back and teach you some tamil cuss words.

9. My grandparents, my dad - sigh

10. The extendable curfew at home - At the hostel, it is 7pm.

11. My bathroom - Trust me, it feels different

12. TV !!!!!

13. The feeling that I belong.....

Happy beginnings.

It happened so damn fast. I never realised and here I am sitting in Chennai. I got what I wanted. And now, I sit back and reflect. 2 days ago, I realise not only am I through but that I have to leave in 2 days and now, here I am. My certificates are not in place, I didn't get my farewell parties but here I am.

Before I knew my result, I had written the following post knowing very well that I wouldn't be in a frame of mind to write and now, here it is...

I can do a dance. I can do a jig. Oh hell, I have just stopped dancing so that I can write this. I got through. I got through. That is all I can say now. Calls have been made. Status had been changed. I have tweeted about it. Oh boy, I am moving to Chennai.


Bbye Mumbai. Bbye home. I am leaving.


Oh damn I am going to miss this place.


Excuse me while I go back to dancing. :D :D :D


To all that I left without saying bye, I will be back :D 

Wish

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 12; the twelfth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

"Didi, 10rs dedo na? Didi please"

I try to ignore. And trust me it is difficult to not look at those eyes. Say whatever you want to about beggars and how they can choose to do better or how giving alms only makes things worse but a child has no choice.

Thankfully, the signal turns green and I drive on. I reach the house of my nephew. Full of life and 'masti'. There isn't a moment that he can stay still. A 4yr old non stop chatterbox. It is my day to baby sit him which generally includes me taking him to the mall.

"Aashika (that's what he calls me), I want chocolate," he says with innocence dripping from his eyes.

"After you finish your dosa," I say following the instructions of my cousin.

"Promise?"

"Yep."

Worked like magic. Dosa was gone in 10 mins flat while we read (for the hundred time) Noddy's adventures. After we were done, immediately those big brown eyes asked, "Chocolate time, Aashika?"

"Ok but only a small piece. Ok?"

"Yay!"

While I saw him eat the chocolate, the child at the traffic signal came to my mind. Both were children, both had similar needs, different wants yes.

One wished for chocolates and knew how to throw a tantrum for it. Another just wished for survival.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. can be checked.

Let's grow up

No more crazy adventures,
No more stupid risks,
No more princesses,
Let's grow up, shall we?

No more being unrestrained,
No more being careless,
No more being trusting,
Let's face the truth, shall we?

Not everyone is harmless,
Not everyone is truthful,
Not everyone is nice,
Let's live in this world, shall we?

Some people care,
Some people love,
Some people deserve,
Let's love them, shall we?

Which do I hate more?

Which do I hate more - my tepid, uncaring self, unable to feel or understand anything around me or do I hate my acrid self - feeling and violently reacting, maybe destroying everything in sight?

I think most of all, I hate my dual self. Crazy and volatile. Undeciding and unsure. Impulsive yet cautious. I wish there was just one me!
Sent on my BlackBerry® from Vodafone

Posted via email from psychedchick's posterous

Hopeful!!

So many dreams, wishes, hopes, all pivotal on one thing. Oh today, I choose to be optimistic. After cribbing and complain, I choose to let my dreams run free. Today, I shall imagine and think that everything is going to go my way. I'm going to get into that university. I'm going to leave home. I'm going to live alone. I'm going to going to cook for myself. I'm going to meet people every week instead of every 2 months. I won't have to ship cookies. (Oh yes, I will make cookies there too). I will love it there. The cynic me is on a holiday and shall return soon.

Today :)

Today is a good good day.

Today, 47 years ago, my grandparents decided to get married despite it raining cats and dogs outside. Their's is not a love story you would find in books. Hardly a love story even. 2 people living together and spending the rest of their lives together. My grand mum born and brought up in richness, a die hard romantic, life of a party, graceful and fluent in more than 9 languages. My grandfather, quite the opposite, silent, reclusive, caring but non-expressive, loved his work, hates doing nothing.

Together, they have faced so much, seen so much, dealt with everything, together. They fight, they quarrel yet they have stood by each other when it meant the most. Sometimes, forever actually means forever, I guess. Touch wood.



Today also happens to be the bday of Jr. I'm at a loss of words about what to say. So I'm just going to say, Many Many Happy Returns of the Day! Happy 22! I'm sending loads of wishes and hugs on your way, on a very very public forum. So before I say something really stupid to embarrass myself, I'm going to finish off this post :)

In your shoes!

Caught in my own webs,

Wearing rose-tinted glasses,

Seeing the world,

As I want to see it.

Everyone can see,

The truth, the reality

Why can't I see the world

the way it is?

People I adore, 

People I love,

People that mean 

the world to me.

People that I feign interest in!

What do they mean 

if I can't see the world,

atleast, from their eyes!

Walk a mile in their shoes,

Adjust, change, let go!

The friends, the lovers,

Family and the rest.

See the world as they might,

Look beyond what you can see

The world exists for you and me. 

For us, if you choose, for it to be,

Of the things I want...

I'm not what I was
I'm not what I will be.
I'm not what I am
with you with anyone else.

You're not what you were
You're not what you will be
You're special to me
just as I hope, I'm to you.

Will you change with me?
Will you hold my hand,
every step of the way?
Will you be there?

Will you accept me the way I'm?
Will you change things
you don't like?
Will you be there always?

I expect no fairtale.
I expect no smooth sailing.
I do expect tender loving care
And a happily ever after.

I want to fight with you.
I want to argue with you.
I want to send you to the couch.
I want to love you.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

That is all that I seem to be doing now a days. Wait. And then wait some more. I wait for replies and my test scores.

And I hate it. It has a good something to do with the fact that I have nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. I need work, something to keep me sane. Arrgh. I never knew doing nothing can be so frustrating.

Uni dearest, let me know if I am through or not, please? Pretty please with cherries on top?

I can't watch movies all day or read books all day. I need something to do. Something. Something. But what? Any suggestions?

Mom, where is Heaven?

"Ma, does death erase all memories of life?"
"Not at all."
"Then what happens when one dies?'
"You go to heaven."
"Is heaven beautiful?"
"Very beautiful. Remember the meadow we went to last year? Even more beautiful than that."
"Will you forget me, when you get there?"
"How can I walk into heaven without you?"
"You'll wait for me? How will I trace you?"
"I will wait for you at the gate, like I did everyday after school. I will wait a long time, for you."
"But do you have to go?"
"Yes. You know how when you were with God, he sent Mamma and Papa here first to make a house for you, so that everything would be ready here when you came? We have to do the same there, now"
"But I will miss you, Ma"
"I will too. But I will look down, every single day, just to check if you are ok."

Submitted for 3WW : Trace, meadow, erase

PS: 1. I wrote a blog post for my friend, Richa here (Just a FYI)
      2. Blog-a-ton completes one year on 5th July and as anniversary celebrations, certain cities have a meet planned up. If you want to join in, please see who you can contact here. It is at the end of the post, so kindly scroll down.

My first crush

Ah my blog is full of mush. Last time around, Blog-a-ton took me down the memory lane. This post, it is Blogadda’s contest has taken me way back, back almost 10 years. To the memories of my first crush.

The crazy rush of emotions. The feeling that this is it. Forever. That this indeed is love, true love. How can I ever forget that feeling? And more importantly, how could I ever forget him?

I still remember that day like it was actually happening all over again, right now. I was 12 yrs old. I was on my way to dance class, I oh so hated. I loved my hockey practice and almost tried to dance my way out of dance class. But I always ended up giving in to my mother’s stern looks.

It was one such class that I sat grumpily waiting for the class to start. I hate being there and the teacher was late. Claustrophobic, as I am, I decided not to wait around any longer and wander around. I convinced one of my friends to come along. As we were about to leave, I saw him running. His hair flying in the air. I hated boys with long hair, until that day. Books in his hand and glasses that made him look like the smartest person I knew.

It was since that day that I loved my dance class. My mother was absolutely surprised, wait, shocked to see my enthusiasm. I waited eagerly for these weekly classes and the days that I didn’t see him, my mood would plummet making my parents, wonder what was wrong. It was one such bad moods days that got my mother worried. I hadn’t seen him in 3 classes now, that was almost 3 weeks. My 12yr old heart could take no more and I rushed home crying. My mother sat me down and refused to go away till I told her what was the matter. I finally gave in. I told her about my mystery guy and the “love” I felt for him.

I was so afraid she would laugh. 12 yr old and love? As I heard myself say all that aloud to my mother, I laughed and realized how ridiculous I sounded. Weirdly, the deep dark secret, I “had” to hide withered away as soon as I opened my mouth and told my mother. My mother looked at me with a look that conveyed understanding, the understanding of being there and having felt that.

A hug later and a few tears later, we were in the kitchen, over a cup of hot chocolate, I tried to convince my mother that I wanted an out of the dance class and this time, she said, now, I was grown up and I could make my own decisions. Confused, I decided to give dance another chance.

Oh btw, that was the day, when I began my life long relationship with chocolate. That is one relationship, I don’t see ending anytime soon.

This week...

This week has been an interesting and a stressful one. What a waste of a week it would be if I don't blog about the things I learnt in this past week. So here goes...

1. Enjoy your work. You might just live to be 80 and at that time, you'll wish that you had the predictability that you had to go to work the next day.
2. Make friends. Keep in touch. As I said earlier, you'll need those senior citizen clubs when you are 80 and have nothing to do but "hang out".
3. Make friends of all ages. Maybe all the friends of your age will die before you. Having friends older will prepare you for the deaths to come (Trust me there will be a lot). Having friends younger than you will keep you open minded.
4. People surprise you. All the time.
5. Sometimes standing up for yourself is the easiest thing to do.
6. The past lets go off you if you let go of the past.
7. You can't have it all. Life and relationships involve sacrifices. Sometimes, the ones you don't want to make.
8. Words like surreal are fun to use.
9. People don't always get what they deserve, in a good way and a bad way.
10. It is ok to block some people of your gtalk if you don't enjoy talking to them. 
11. I aint spontaneous at all. 
12. Co-writes are fun to write.
13. I missed making random lists.

Hidden

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

This post is co-authored by Jr. and me. After toying with a lot of ideas, we decided to finally tell each other all that was "hidden" and reveal what our inner Hydes were saying about each other through the time we knew each other. The parts in the brackets and italics are the thoughts in the head, J being Jr. and R being Rashi, me. Needless to say, this was one hell of trip down memory lane.

First Mail:

J: Hello. I sent what you had asked for. Did you go through it? (Another person. I'm not fit enough to handle such a big enough friend circle, you know?)

R: Hey. Yeah got it. Thanks a lot. I am going to bombard you with questions. I hope you don't mind. (What nonsense! Why can't the document be more self-explanatory? Now, I will have to keep asking for clarifications. Arrrgh. Whatever.)

J: Of course! It's not like I'm busy or anything. Mail me anytime. (Great! Another jackass who I've to explain shit to!)

R: Brilliant. Hope to catch you online sometime soon. (Damn. How stupid does he think I am? I can google.)

On Twitter:

J: #nowplaying Verve - Lucky Man (What good does this Twitter thing do anyway? As if anybody would want to know what I'm listening to!)

R: Hey. I really like the Verve, especially this song :) (How bored am I? How bored is he? Ah looks like we are similar in very weird ways)

J: Oh hey, seems we have like really similar tastes. (And I thought I was the most jobless loser in the world. Somebody actually cared to reply!)

First Chat:

R: Hey! Are you busy? (Let me be nice. It is almost 1 am. We can't talk for more than 15 mins na?)

J: Nah, tell me. I have loads of time. (J, you pathetic fuck! Write the goddamn assignment. Deadline! Tomorrow! Morning! This chick ain't that interesting anyhow. WTF?)

R: Oh. What are you upto? I am really bored. What are you doing up so late? (Damn. What the hell, I am bored. Maybe some entertainment?)

J: Oh, well you know, this and that. I don't sleep that early usually anyhow. What you upto? (I don't want to do assignment. It's boring. Maybe she'll entertain me.)

Several Chats later:

R: Hey where have you been? I haven't seen you online in almost 3 days now. Getting that busy eh? (Thank God, he is online. Err wait, what? Why? Must not do this, now. Not good)

J: Been busy re. Work is killing me. (For a very distant friend, she IS very clingy. But hey, somebody to talk to. Good enough I suppose.)

R: I was wondering what happened. It has kinda become a routine eh? Seeing you online. (Gah. Do you realise how desperate you sound? Woman, get a grip on your self. Stop talking. NOW) 

Two/Three Months Later:

J: Whaddup? Oh wait, it's 11'o'clock. Did you take your medicine? (How can I talk to somebody so much, and still not have met them? God, she's one careless woman though!)

R: Give 2 mins. Sorry, ran to take my medicine. Thanks. I can be so careless. (He remembered :O Yay. Wait, what? Why am I excited about that? Focus! Calm!!)

J: Ah well, I'm renowned for remembering when people should take their pills. :) (WTF? That HAS to be the most retarded thing I said all year. Ah, not that it matters all that much anyway. I'm prolly not gonna run into her for a very very long time.)

R: Err.. Ok! So tell me do you know about that Mangalore thing? (Way to go. Couldn't find anything smart eh? I should just stop talking at times.)

J: It's in December. I'm going. You showing up too? Awesome! (Damn! She's gonna remember all the goofy things you said J! Now you're totally fucked. Should I try and deter her plans or something? Ah, what the hell? Why does it matter? She's just a friend after all!)

First phone call:

R: My net just gave up on me. (What? No Hi nor hello. Why the fuck did I call up? Think of an excuse. Think Think.)

J: Oh cool. So, er, you showing up at Mangalore then? (Why the hell is it so hard to talk to her? Yeah right! As if you're quite the Casanova with everybody else. She's just a friend. Deep breath, and act supremely cool!)

R: It is in December right? I aint too sure. College is being a complete bitch and it will only get harder. (Yeah. That is it. No plans to go there. There will be people you have never ever met. And go there and make a fool out of self, eh?)

J: Shit man! That sucks. Anyhow, me gotta run. Later! (Is this good or bad? True it might be awkward. But would've been fun to meet her! Why am I feeling disappointed?)

First meeting, December, Mangalore:

R: Hey. Finally we meet eh? (Why? Why? Why did I come? It isn't even an official trip. I am so going to regret this.)

J: Ha! You're not as short as I thought you were! (Seriously? That's the best thing you could think of to say? It's a shame even to be your alter-ego. You=loser. Thank God. Doesn't look like she's about to run away.)

R: Yeah. That makes me feel very nice. Thanks. How was your trip here? (Hey. This doesn't feel all that awkward for a first meeting. You don't know what kind of person he is. You better start thinking straight. He could be a psycho killer.)


Mangalore, 2 days later:
J: I'm so glad you came! Wouldn't have been the same without ya! (If you like her, tell her! You're drunk now. Worse comes to worst, you tell her you do this to all women when you're drunk!) 

R: I am glad too. Do you get so comfortable with every girl or is this just because you are drunk? (What? You didn't just say that. What the hell. He is not going to remember it tomorrow anyway.)

J: He he. Nope. It's just because I like you. (What? I was kidding! You actually did it, you piece of shit? She's going to SO hate you for this!)

R: Hmmmm. Same here. I didn't think I would say it so soon but I like you too. (What? He is drunk. You are not. Well you are a little. But that was so not needed.)

J: Er, ok. I'm asking you out. You game? (Sigh. I will stop speaking now. Haven't you seen James Bond movies? That is NOT how you ask a girl out you dick! *facepalm*)

R: Haha. Sure. I'm game. (Game? He says something stupid and then you go make it worse. This is sooooo not worth it. How do I make this stop?)

After quite a few weeks of fruitful 'relationship', one fine day:

J: You're going to the movie with friends kya? Who all? (I swear, this X guy is really getting on my nerves. Why can't he find his own girlfriend? He's gonna be there, I'm sure! Girl-stealer, masquerading as friend!)

R: Pata nahi. I don't feel like driving all the way. If X is giving me a lift, then I will go. (Why is he asking all these questions suddenly? I hate being asked and he knows that. I better try to keep my cool)

J: It's a bad movie anyhow. And why do you trouble him so much anyhow? Anyhow, me off now. Going to lunch with Y and Z. Those two also want to do some shopping later on it seems. Girls I say! :P (Easy! Even if you don't lose her to him, you'll lose her if you act like a friggin maniacal stalker! Back off! Now! Deal with it later!)

R: Yeah, I heard. Hence I aint too sure. Or we might just go for a drive. I haven't spoken to him in a long time. Where you people off to, eh? (Out with 2 girls? WTF! Why am I suddenly feeling so possessive? This can't be good.)


Few months later:

J: Is it imperative that you go to lunch with X? I don't think he's the kind that can be trusted! Oh, and did I mention he's a totaly dick? (Him again! God, this is getting out of hand! I'll explode!)

R: Listen, I have explained this a million times, he is my friend and we will end up spending a lot of time together. Just deal with it. It isn't like you don't go with friends, even if they are girls. Did I ever stop you from going out with X or Y? This is almost not worth all the fights. (Shit. I am going to lose my mind with all these fights. I should try and not get carried away. I always end up saying the wrong things. I need to let him know without making it a big deal.)

J: Alright fine! Let's not fight. (Easy now. You DON'T want to lose her now do you? Easy! Deal with it later!)

Yesterday:

R: Ahoy boy. How was the day? Are you planning to write for this blog-a-ton atleast? (Yeah. We can't really fight about this right?)

J: *Lightbulb* Dunno. Wait, it's 'Hidden' right? You wanna co-author it? (Mua ha ha. I be the evil genius. Seriously, what would you do without me?)

R: You and me together? How is that going to work? But couldn't hurt, I suppose. (I am as it is outta ideas. As long as we don't end up fighting.)

J: Oh wait, just got an idea! How about, everything we kept 'Hidden' and did not say to each other? That would work now wouldn't it? (Sigh. Finally, she'll hear why that fucker X is a pain in the ass and why she should be glad to have ME around!)

R: Haan. Sure. Let's give it a try. But with a little creative freedom, ok? (I guess I found my chance to say everything I wanted. For once, I should let him know that I too am afraid of losing him and can get really possessive)


Right Now:

J: It's funny what all shit we've come through eh? (Sigh. We've taken too much shit. It'll take Superman with chaddi inside to take her away from me now. Why should I worry about some retard X! Enough now. No more.)

R: We are really weird, aren't we? So now, we have nothing hidden? (Man, this has been one hell of ride. But it has been just so worth it.)

J: Well, I doubt that is ever possible. But as long as we keep the Hyde hidden, we'll be alright. (.....)

P.S : This is very very loosely based on facts.

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