Monday, August 23, 2010

What is the truth?

There are 3 versions to any story. My version, your version and the truth.

I wonder if you heard a story about someone that you know and at first they didn't seem that way but the story you heard is pretty nasty, then would you believe it? Even if you didn't, wouldn't you be wary of that person the next time, you need to trust them?

Wouldn't it be easier to ask them what happened? Of course not. That is intrusion, isn't it? So we sit in our cosy spectator seats and look and maybe even laugh and cry with what is happening but never ever can we meddle.

For all the world is a stage.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

To you.

Dear I can't name you here,

I really don't understand our relationship. We are mutually dependent and yet you seem so distant. I left my city, my life, my friends and came to your city and the least I expect is a little bit of understanding.

I don't know why but every time I argue with you, I feel guilty. I feel like I'm betraying you. I wonder if you feel the same when you make random demands from me. I have my limits too. I know you say that ours should a relationship of adjustment. But why can't you just play by the rules? You say this is a bad world with no rules, let's make our own rules. Look around you. There are laws and there basic ways to behave, why can't you for once understand me?

Maybe I am spoilt and want you to do better. Is that so wrong? You can be better and it will help you and me. I am here but for 2 years. With you, close to you. Please make this time as memorable and pleasant. At the end of these 2 years, I wont be here and who knows where you'll be. Our relationship will never be the same. All we'll have is memories. Let me go back with happy ones.

Oh dear Chennai rickshaw drivers, listen to my plea, will you?

The girl new in your city.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Long lost

There are things about him I love that I can't really explain. The way he leaves his cigarettes for me after he says he won't. The way he looks while he is sleeping. The way he takes off my glasses when I am asleep. Oh, the way he tolerates my phobia of lizards, even though he finds it so damn irritating. The way he is cautious and weary of any guy around me. For all this and more, I love him too.

As he read this on her blog, he felt a sense of discomfort surrounding him. He didn't know who she was referring to. It most definitely couldn't be him. They hadn't spoken in over 4 years now. Was it seriously over? He wondered. All those moments they had spent together flashed in front of his eyes. Had she forgotten all of that? Could she have? Was it so easy? Moving on was never easy for him. She had forced him to move on when life seemed the bleakest. But she forgot to teach him how to move on from her. Life had moved on, yes. He had almost everything that he wanted, except the magic portion that could get rid of memories.

"Snap to the present," he said to himself. He splashed cold water on his face and lay on the bed. But memories haunted him.

At that precise moment, he got a call. A call from his band mate. He picked up phone, heard what he had to say and jumped up. Their band was going to be the opening act for one of the popular Indian bands. Was this really happening? Finally, a break.

The following 6 months were full of intense rehearsals. Work, rehearsal and craziness. And finally the day of performance arrived. Time to prove it to the world..

On stage, it was magical. Exhilarating high that only music can provide. He felt so alive that if he died tomorrow, he would have no regrets.

Part of the promotion was a band interview to be done after the show. He was almost in 2 minds to scoot away from here. But this was what he wanted, finally, after years of hard work. He sat in the interview room with his eyes closed. The interviewer entered, asked the routine questions and while he was there, he really wasn't. He felt like something was going to happen. What, he didn't know. But he kept waiting. Ah, maybe it was the fatigue, he thought.

Soon, the interview was over. All he wanted to do was crash, when suddenly, his band managed called out to them. His frustration rose. Unable to keep his eyes open or stand correctly on his 2 feet, he sat down once again.

"Boys," the manager said, " I need to discuss something with you."

"I promise it will be over  soon," he added quickly seeing the reluctance.

"I know we have been discussing about getting a PR person for a while now and this is the perfect opportunity."

"Can't this wait till tomorrow?" He asked.

"Well one of the leading PR consultants is here and she herself came to me said that she wanted to take charged of your publicity. Boys, quite frankly, it would be impossible for us to get her even if we tried. I think we should go for it. She is waiting outside. She wants to meet you."

He sighed. He was so not ready for this. He just wasn't prepared.

He assumed the lady came in. He was too tired to even open his eyes to look at her. He could voices of his band mates like they were coming from far away.

Suddenly he heard a voice, " Let him be."

He jolted up. Sleep drifting away like after a frightening nightmare. Only, this was real. The voice was hers. It was her. His eyes popping out like the ones in cartoon. She smiled at him. That serene smile. And slowly came toward him and said, "Hi  V."

That was it. He felt his world coming crashing down.

...Might be continued!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

My favourite internet friend

Dear my-favourite-internet-friend,

How weird is for me to call you that? But that in fact is what remains.

I miss you. I miss what we used to be. I miss your advice. I miss your crazy talks. I miss you. I miss us.

In a twisted way, I wish we hadn't met. I wish things never had happened. I wish they wouldn't have gone sour. I wish we could still talk without fighting, without the hurt. I wish we could just be us.

This is just so you know that you are missed just as I am sure you miss me too. I wish things could go back. I wish I hadn't said those things but I did and so did you. I wish I could take the hurt back. I wish I could be more patient. But I am happy where I am now. And I hope you are too.

We learnt a lot. Thanks for those valuable lessons. Thanks for making me less of a cynic. Thanks putting up with me during my bad times. I needed you then. Now, I am fine, alone. I wish you could see the strong person I have become. I bet you wouldn't like me now.

Take care,
Your RV

Monday, August 16, 2010

Sweet Child of Mine

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, with yr eyes closed, I
remember all the times, I saw you sleeping. Today, I wish you could
just wake up.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I remember each time I bid
you goodbye. Off to school, then college. Now, forever. Hoping you'll
return in the evening.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I think of the dreams we
shared, all the hopes of the future. Someday, I wish they will come

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I try to find the wings
that will take you away from a land I called ours. I always asked to
spread your reach far and wide. Today, you've gone too far, I fear.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I try to come to terms with
not seeing you smile again. I try to grasp every memory, forcing
myself never to forget each moment we spent together, each smile,
every step we took.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, I can't think of anything
to say to you. Just know, I love you.

Sweet child of mine, as I lay you to rest, for the last time, I
promise you, your death will not be in vain.

Posted via email from psychedchick's posterous

Saturday, August 14, 2010

If tomorrow never comes....

.... life will still go on.

Life is weird and complicated. A fellow blogger kept updating her blog about the condition of her very ill daughter. I kept reading, knowing very well that soon, I would see a post saying that she is home. I knew wrong. She passed away. Her daughter, just 3 yrs younger that I am right now, passed away. Sucks doesn't it? But that is life?

What do I say to her? I know very well how that feels? No I don't. Each one's grief is different.

I called my grandmother. She lost both her daughters and raised her grand children. I asked her, how do you deal with this? She said, you don't. Life just goes on.

What if tomorrow never comes? Simple, isn't it? I die, life, as I know it, ends. But what do I leave behind? What about people who loved me? People that I loved? What about my dreams? My hopes? I plan each day, knowing that I will have to live upto the promises that I made to myself. But what if life doesn't let me.

A friend who hates planning says, I live my life a quarter mile at a time. And the compulsive planner in me, scoffs. How can you not plan? How can you not dream? Whatever I do, I do for tomorrow. I have broken hearts, mine and others, because I wanted a better tomorrow. I have struggled. I have moved away from home, all for this mysterious tomorrow. Hell, I have hidden my feelings deep within me, not revealing them to anyone waiting for the right time. And then, that right time may never come because time leaves me cold turkey.

Live life one day at a time? Such an absurd thought.

Lie in the bed, realising what a waste of a day today was. I laugh, I cry, in vain.

To all the people that I love, I really wish I have more time with you. I hope I can say to you, all that I want to. I hope I do everything I want to. If I don't please remember, I did love you.

Please say a silent prayer for the one departed. I hope her parents find peace. I hope someday her parents meet her in heaven as I shall meet my Mom, someday.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Bloody leech

Dearest blood sucking leech,

Before I say anything, let me tell you that I really really don't like you. Hate might be too strong an emotion to waste on you. Let me remind you that you are sucking off from the work and hard work that I put in. It is my dedication and my complete devotion that you have stolen off. Don't you have an ideas of your own?

We were supposed to be partners but who does the things that you did and are doing? I wish there was a way, I could get out of it and trust me, I will find a way. It is just that I am too busy putting my efforts elsewhere, trying to make me a better person that I didn't bother with you. But now, I see you and I shall take you down. Somehow.

All said and done, I think you are doing a great job but you really didn't need to steal and leech. Hope you get the point and either stop or I will have to stop you..

Yours truly.

Ps: When I say "I", I mean "We" and when I say "you", I mean "you all".

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

I get by with a little help from my friends...

....but what if you have no friends. Don't get me wrong, I do have loads of friends but back there in Mumbai, my home, my city. I know it has been just a week and such things take time. Precisely my point, this period right in between is kinda sucky. I know a lot of girls in the hostel now and like a few too, smile at everybody and a few think I am funny (that makes me kinda awkward but I guess some1's effect is rubbing off on me...You know who I am talking about) Anyway, yesterday was the worst day here uptil now.. Had no class, had nothing to do. Others in the hostel were away attending class. Alone without glasses (oh I broke them), unable to read or stare at the laptop, I cried almost all day. I thought I was stronger. Maybe I am and yesterday was just a bad day, my vulnerable best but today, I am fine. Went out for a movie and back. Next week, lectures start proper 10-5. I will have no time to think or breathe and I hope when my head hits the bed, I shall sleep.

Oh dont you worry, I shall blog and most definitely, I shall tweet :P. But these lonely days teach you so much, if nothing, they teach you that you are more than the submission of events and people in your life. You are you. Nothing can define you. Nothing can break you, unless you let it.

Well, here is to many more days that shall make me stronger. To all the new friends I am making. To all the amazing ones I am missing and most importantly, to my family who misses me.

What do I do when my love is away.
(Does it worry you to be alone)
How do I feel by the end of the day
(Are you sad because you're on your own)
No, I get by with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, get high with a little help from my friends,
Mmm, gonna to try with a little help from my friends

(I love The Beatles)