Thursday, January 20, 2011

No title

I knew I shouldn't have done it. When every cell of my body was wanting to go the other way, I still went ahead. I didn't listen to my instincts and look where it has got me. It is easy for me to cut people out. But this hurts, like it has never hurt before. Who knew I could get hurt? Why did I trust? When I could see all the signs, when it frustrated me so much right from the start, why did I still go ahead with it? Why did I expect otherwise? Why did I think it would not go the way I had thought? I definitely didn't think it would end this way. I thought I was being cynical, the crazy one, the one that thought too much, when all I got in return was affection. I thought I was the one that couldn't adjust, the one that couldn't bring myself to feel the same way. This is all my fault. I knew it right from the beginning and still went ahead it. How could I have let myself flow with these stupid feelings? Never again. Never ever again will I be so vulnerable.

You know what sucks? That I know that this is exactly what is going on in your head and I can do absolutely nothing about it. I know you too well. I know you well enough to know that staying away from you and letting you think all this is probably for your best. But everytime I pass by that road, I see the places that we went to, I think of you and us. It probably is never meant to be but the fact that you think all that was a lie hurts a lot. I hope you never read this. I hope you know how I feel. Because in your anger is your healing.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Who is to blame?

I had my first penology class today (Oh yeah, that is what my subject is called). It is basically the study of curbing of crime and criminal behaviour in a society.

So while discussing theories of punishment, Professor asks who is to blame for the fact that most crime goes unpunished. Easily all of us, starts with the Law enforcement. Funny how it is easy to blame others for everything. Most crime infact is hidden crime, meaning it never gets reported in the first place.

I know the Indian judicial system leaves a lot to be desired but then, we are a part of it too. It is upto us to set the ball rolling. Don't be afraid to report crimes and be witnesses. Push your cases further and DON'T BRIBE.

I believe that when we bribe, we lose our right to complain about corruption. When I pay Rs. 20 to a traffic hawaldar, I really can't complain about umpteen crores being swindled by someone. I was a part of it and I can't complain.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Of not too long ago.

I have been looking at pictures of little more than a year ago. I wanna go back. Not to that place or the time but to that frame of mind. Of the non-muddled self. Of the confidence and of the craziness. Of the surety and the self belief. Of the "bring it on" attitude.

I hate this helplessness, this apathy and this lethargy I have brought upon myself. It is a phase and this is too will be over. But I am afraid, it won't be over soon enough.

Get done with it already.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Dearest reflection in the Mirror

Dearest reflection in the mirror,

I know we have a long way to go before we look "perfect" but I look you nonetheless. This year is dedicated to you :) I promise.

Me on the other side of the mirror.

(Finally a return to the letter tag. This year I shall complete all my pending projects)

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Round up of 2010.

10. Letter to life > 

To life and what I think of it. Perfect to start the new year. Wonder if I followed what I wrote last year.

9. Take a chance >

A plea that was meant to someone else but now, I think I should say this to me, this year around.

8. Title-less >

When bomb blasts affect you.

7. Dearest Aunty in the bus >

From a brash youth to the senior citizen.

6. Does she have a story? >

What I felt when I saw an old lady begging on the street.

5. Schizophrenic >

Schizophrenic. Yes, schizophrenic and happy.

4. You, in Chennai >

Let's give our relationship a best shot. I am here for just 2 years, anyhow. 

3. Sweet child of mine >

What does losing a child mean?

2. If tomorrow never comes >

Not just another what if...

1. What if? >

I rather not say anything about this. But one of post that I am proud of, the most.