Thursday, August 09, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I was at the train station and there was a man standing a little too close to me. He brushed against me and when I asked me to keep his distance, he called me something he shouldn't have. Instinctively, I slapped him. The whole place was a little shocked and I got my ticket and walked off. It was a stupid reaction. If I had thought about it even for a second, I wouldn't have reacted at all. I would have pretended to not hear it at all. I hate admitting it to myself. Walking toward the train, I was mad at myself. What if he followed me? What if he saw me again at the station? What if I was hurt in anyway possible? A lady came up to me that time and said that she was proud of me, she would have wanted her daughter to do the same. Would she have stood up for me if that guy came to attack me back? Would any of those people intervene?
All day long, I walked with a smile and false sense of security. Met a couple of friends. Would they stand up and fight for me, if God forbid something had happened as a reaction to my slapping him?
I am home now. Should I consider myself lucky that I am safe? Should I be careful while going to the same place again?
Despite all these thoughts, I am really glad that I did what I did. I was told I am an inspiration to all the women out there. If you aren't the one that slaps, please support the one that does? Women or men, be supportive of the one that decides to stand up for themselves. I really glad and happy that a lot of people kept asking me where I was on twitter just to make sure that I was safe. It is reassuring to know that I don't stand alone. Thank you everyone who said anything nice to me today.
Btw, it stings like hell when you slap someone.
I can't end this post without reminding you of the podcast on rape and rape laws in India.
Doing this as a part of "I Stood Up" Blogathon. Click the link for details.
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Sunday, July 08, 2012
Friday, July 06, 2012
The links that referred to while preparing for this podcast are :
Saturday, June 23, 2012
On the flip side, since I am bored and unemployed, I ping my friends all the time. God bless whatsapp and free texting. These are people that I talk to everyday and while I appreciate their effort to keep the conversation going sometimes, they can't help but fall into the rut of conversation killers. These are words that make you wonder if the person is bored, busy and trying to kill the conversation, whether they mean to or not. A good conversation is a game of catch, A throws, B catches and then, B throws and A catches and it goes on. A conversation killer is when A throws and B catches and that's that. To keep the conversation going A has to procure a new ball from somewhere and A might not have an unlimited supply of balls, you know.
I asked on twitter which words end up as conversation killers and here's a short list:
1. ":)" - Actually any smilie will do.
2. Okay or any of its cousins, worst of all, "k"
4. Nothing much or worse, NM - This generally follows What's up and isn't met with a "what's up" in return.
5. Lol - Come on, you can better. Tell me what you found funny or ask me what happened next?
6. Yes/ No - Similar to okay.
Most of you can do better I bet. What word irks you the most?
(Thanks, @milcom_ , @sloth13, @AnjuJaison, @paripooj , @violetcrab, @riccu for your suggestions)
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
So you can mail me at email@example.com with your questions and I will try my best to answer them.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Another brilliant part of yesterday was that most people who had my brownies, actually liked them. (Psst: Even though they didn't come out well). I promise people I would put the recipe up on my blog. I used the recipe from PlanetByn and yes, they are called Slutty Brownies but these ones use peanut butter and hence, they are not as sweet as the original all chocolate slutty brownies.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Somethings are better off far away. All mistakes, blemishes, faults seem smaller when you are far away. And magnified when you are closer. Similarly when you are closer to an object, there are so many aspects of a thing that you can notice that small faults seem irrelevant.
I have no answer to this yet. Will sleep on it and see what I think tomorrow morning.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Today began like just another day. Who would have known it would end this way?
It was her eyes, I think. Or her smile. Maybe it was the way she played with her hair while she thought about something. But she definitely had something that made me want to go upto her.
I walked to the bus stop kicking the can all the way. Suddenly, there was a voice that caught my attention, it was the shopkeeper fighting with a customer. Mr. Baker was always a disgruntled man and I think I learnt most of my swear words, hearing him yell at others. Today too, I watched him with a smile. I heard the general string of cuss words and then, the customer slammed the door as he walked out. He saw me looking through the glass, raised an eyebrow and said, "Don't go in there, if you are smart. He is crazy old man." I didn't. I looked at my watch and realised I was late for work, I hurried. This here was my regret #1 - I didn't walk in.
I remember seeing her for the first time, not knowing what to say. Tongue-tied and sloppy. I dropped wine all over me. She made me do it, I say.
I ran to the bus stop and almost missed my bus but I made it. There wasn't time to wait or even catch my breath, as I reached work, a colleague said, "Let's leave. Emergency on PA Street." I was surprised. " Dude, that's why I am coming from. Who is it?" "A Mr. Baker, I believe. Heart attack, after he exchanged a few words with a customer. Come on." I waited while he drove. It isn't easy being a paramedic on days like this. There is always a casualty and you always have to get there on time. Today wasn't one of those days, we couldn't save Mr. Baker. Even though, we tried. If only I had got there in time. This here was my regret #2 - I didn't get there in time.
Then she twirled her hair around her fingers and came and sat next to me. "Am I making you nervous?" she asked. "Yes" "Don't be. I don't bite." "I hope not."
As we carried Mr. Baker's body back, I kept wondering the "What if"s of today. What if I had walked in then? What if I had got there in time?
Mr. Baker had always lived in his shop, said the newspapers the next day. He had a wife. I chuckled. Who would live with an ill tempered man as him? Since my childhood, I never seen Mr. Baker with anyone. I was told he got married the years that I was away at university. There was no picture of his wife.
Years later, I would tell her how she made me feel that day and she would smile. She would say, she knew I was looking at her, she liked the attention. She would make me feel like a fool, all over again. She always knew how.
I decided I would go to the funeral. I have no logical explanation for that decision but I decided I wanted to know more about this man. I had to call my mother and ask her for my suit (Hey, I move around a lot) and poured over the papers to find the details. There was only one church in town and that's where it would be on Saturday evening. I called Bob and asked him to cover my shift for that afternoon. He reluctantly agreed. This here was my regret #3 - I went to his funeral.
"What if I had never come to speak to you that day?" she asked. "I would have taken time but I would get there, eventually. You just had me under a spell. I would have you one way or another." "Yeah right" she said. Yeah right, I said to myself.
Saturday came and I got ready. His family was in front and the church had a few people who seemed to know him. The priest called me a family man who had lived his life. A kind man even though he had a harsh tongue. He then called upon his wife to share a few words.
And then that's when I saw her. And I immediately thought, "There's something about her."
So if you really see, I regret nothing at all.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Since a lot of people have asked me to do this, I am going to do this.
(In no particular order)
- Ten Downing Street - (Free diluted drinks for Ladies on Wednesdays upto 9.30pm) - Brilliant place and lovely ambiance. Going on Wednesdays ensures a lot of eye candy for men. Friend and I would go there by 7, have a few drinks by 9.30 (their watch always a couple of minutes faster than yours only on that day) and then be on the dance floor till it closed. The place is generally filled with young college students on Wednesdays. Good place for lunch on most days. Good menu and they too have a decently priced combo.
- Bike and Barrels - (2 free drinks/ 1 large free drink for ladies on Thursday) - I like this place and it was almost like a second home. They have 2 sitting areas - lower and an upper deck. The upper deck is for stags - men only while the lower is for couples. Large groups can sit down as long as there is 1 female per 2 men in the group. Once, a friend and I were the only 2 females in the upper deck. As she said, "2 pairs of boobs and so many pairs of eyes on them." can get a little weird at times. But the upper deck does have a pool table in their smoking room. The nicest thing is I like about this place is the bike suspended as wall decor. Food is not too bad and they have a decently priced lunch menu, as well.
- High Time - (20% off on all drinks between 11am to 6pm - the last time I checked even on weekends) I haven't been to this place every often and always in the afternoon. It was new and it was swanky and more importantly, it was purple. I love the giant bottles of alcohol they have there, a 6l vodka was what caught my attention. The 'chakna' keeps coming and is not sundal, for a change.
- Distil - (2 free drinks for ladies on Fridays) I think I went to this place every Friday for a month. Things we do for free alcohol. The TenD routine was repeated of having the free drink and dance till it closed. This place can be filled with middle aged people looking for a drink (and there isn't anything wrong with that but the vibe can be weird) I am not the biggest fan of their decor or the ambiance but it is a good change on some days. (Why I went there 4 Fridays in a row is a mystery to me too.)
- Havana - (Free martini for women on Thursday) I can't remember much of this place because the weird disco lights gave me a really bad head ache. But from what I have heard from friends, this place is expensive and has a really small dance floor.
- Leather Bar - Went there once to celebrate giving my first international presentation (yes, in Chennai in front of an international audience). It was expensive and the crowd consisted mainly of corporate looking men. It also gave a slight feel of a gay pub, I remember.
- Geoffrey's Pub - I like the place. It is apparently an English Pub and though it is a little far away from the city bounds (i.e my house), I really like the decor of this place. I can't tell much about the prices because the only I went there was for the Kingfisher Beerup. But I know they have live music once in a while.
- Dublin - ( Free entry for women on Friday and free drinks worth Rs. 500 - if I am not wrong) The only club in this list. It is expensive and has 3 levels. It can get crowded once in a while. I believe this is one of the few places which doesn't necessarily close at 11pm.
- Zara - This place prides itself as a Tapas bar and it is one of the best places in town. I prefer taking people who come from out of town to this place. It can be a little expensive but by now you have figured out that drinking out in Chennai is kind an expensive affair. It has 2 outlets and the one at the Airport is open till a good 3 am. I love the cocktails of this place and it is a nice place to stop for lunch.
- Star Rock - (Free domestic white liquor on Friday till 10 pm) - Interesting place. Plus they have started to have interesting stand up on Sunday nights for a cover of Rs. 500. This place has special memories, I saw India win the T20 World Cup here.
- Minus 1 - (Happy hours from 12 to 5pm - I think) I had to think really hard for the name of this place because I have only thought of this place as the blue bar. I have no idea why it was so blue. It was close to university (Kinda) and we went there once or twice when there was a huge break between 2 classes and you can't sit through some classes completely sober.
- The Pirate's Bar - (Some discount if you go there before 6pm) I think this was the bar I frequented the most often. It is a little creepy and there is no reduction in prices for a lack of ambiance. But but the best thing about this place was that I could walk back home.
Walking in as a woman could easily mean you would be the only one of that gender that. But the best part of this place is that it has no dress code.
- Diesel - A dingy little weird place. The only reason we went there was because we wanted to be the only people there and be able to do our own thing and that's what we got. Another brilliant memory here.If I am not wrong, this too doesn't have a dress code.
- Hotel Ranjit- This place definitely doesn't have a dress code and let's you smoke if you are on the roof top. Service can be a little slow and if there are 12 of you, you might be asked to keep your volumes down. One of those few kinda cheap drinking places. Also it has funny sounding kebab names.
Sunday, June 03, 2012
This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 28; the 28th Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is 'BLANK PAGES'.
There was an accident 6 years ago that had damaged Simran's vocal chords. She was 2 then. The house that was waiting to be filled with the laughter of a child was left waiting.
Simran's parents were not the kind to give up. They taught her to write and write she did. She wrote hello when she met a new person and shoved the book in their faces. She learnt to write before anyone her age, she had to.
Soon, Simran could be found at parks and museums scribbling away on her notebook, she would then run home and show it to her parents. They would discuss art and books and music. Nothing slowed Simran down. Until one day when a regular checkup, the doctor revealed that maybe a small operation could fix Simran's voice. Her parents were hopeful but they saw the fear in Simran's eyes. They asked her to write whether she still wanted to go ahead with the surgery. The page had a lone 'Yes' written on it.
The day of the operation came and it went. Nothing really has changed, Simran's zeal for life continues, you can still find her in parks and museums running back home waiting to share her discoveries and ideas to her parents. What is hard to miss is the look of happiness in her parents' eyes when they see the blank pages that follow the 'Yes' in the notebook.
Friday, June 01, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
So Luci is probably the most docile dogs, you'll know. A little hyper at times but never will bite you unless it is playfully and you are Shruti or me. One nasty habit Luci has is that when we take her down for a walk, she likes to egg bigger dogs. Generally, she never ever even looks in the direction of another dog but just sometimes, she will pick a fight. Shruti and I think that she knows that she can do whatever she wants and get away with it because we are always there to protect her. Nothing will ever hurt her.
I think the same about my dad.
Monday, May 14, 2012
Of how I lost my wallet for Re.1, managed to get the credit cards of my entire family and have no idea of how I will shop and other such deep stuff.
How can it get any worse? Oh wait, it does. Yesterday, I had an entire pissed off conversation with my father about I should be trusted and considered an adult. And what do I do today? Self respect down the drain. So if you have a piece of my self respect while you are having a bath, please return it. If you find it while doing other stuff, let it go. I will survive.
So not only have I lost my wallet and aforementioned self respect, I have managed to block my dad's and brother's credit cards. They were all connected to one account and now, they are now all blocked. Brilliant.
Somehow all of this has to make sense, right? Nothing happens without a reason. Or maybe it does. In those moments that I ran inside the Post Office to check if my wallet was still there, I surveyed the area, checked the floor to check if my wallet was still there. I saw this one man in his rickshaw driver uniform. Since I didn't find my wallet, my mind immediately thought, oh maybe he took it. Mind you there were many others around but my mind immediately started noticing him. In my moments of panic, I said nothing and thank God for that. But I feel so pathetic that with all of my criminology training and shit, I am still just a mere mortal with all my prejudices. I know I am being pompous but ideally, maybe, I should have looked at everyone with the same suspicious eyes and I didn't. Wallet to gaya, the halo I had on my head, also gone.
Over all, a pretty stupid day, I say.
This has been my day so far. Now, it is time to become the bull's eye for daddy's firing range and go crack that visa interview tomorrow.
(Feeble attempts to make myself see the funnier side to things. It hasn't worked very much)
P. S : I had to mention that it was a sexy Pierre Cardin wallet which my dad gave me and I will miss it. RIP.
Tuesday, May 08, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Do you have curly hair? Then, you already know why. Reason 1 is simple. We are more tolerant of bad days. When you have curly hair, invariably every other day is bad hair day, we are used to it. We know things will get better and that some days are just bad.
Reason 2. We are used to dealing with unruly flyaways. Curly hair gets frizzy and then, we have to manage it somehow. Sometimes, it works, sometimes, we just let things be.
Reason 3. We have at some point have wished we had straight hair or at least wavy hair. I have straightened my hair twice and while I look amazing it pictures, somehow I don't look me. People with curly hair can deal with what is given to them and can make it rock.
Reason 4. Not everyone knows how to cut curly hair. And hence, either we are ready to try and experiment to find "the one" who can and when we do find them, we will not leave them for the one. Curly haired people are committed.
Reason 5. Maintaining curly hair and making it behave is a task. People with curly hair know that if you want something to be the way you want it to be, it takes effort.
Reason 6. As I have said, maintaining curly hair can be chore and sometimes, it means spending a lot on hair products. Sometimes, when you love something, you just have invest in it. Time, energy and money. Curly hair-ed people don't shy away from this.
Reason 7. We have the awesome capacity to laugh at ourselves when people compare us to Sideshow Bob, Boney M and other amazing people.
Reason 8. If you use a conditioner with a pump (and God knows all those big bottles come with a pump and who buys a small bottle that gets over in a day) we always get a good arm workout. Arms are extremely important in the plan for world domination.
Reason 9. We don't need the skills of Lucy Liu to tie our hair with a chopstick. The curls can make the chopstick stay there forever.
Reason 10. Curly hair is a dominant gene. That means all of us will produce more curly hair people. Our kind shall multiply multi fold and we shall rule the world.
Beware of our nemesis : The wind and the humidity. I hear they are teaming up to form an alliance.
If you need to know, these are my curls.
Monday, April 16, 2012
1. Have to get my travel plans in order.
1.1 Find places to stay at Amsterdam, The Hague and Frankfurt.
1.2 Find things to do and people to meet (This doesn't include making a list of gifts I will get back home)
2. Finish the exams peaceful
2.1 Research. Research.
2.2 Find notes, maybe?
3. Research. Research.
4. Hug Luci multiple number of times.
5. Pack your bags.
6. Meet people you won't in a zillion years now.
7. DON'T GET CHEESY.
Friday, April 13, 2012
Monday, April 09, 2012
Yes, it shall.
Good or bad,
it shall go away.
Fade into the oblivion.
Become a memory,
distant and maybe, vivid.
Like the horizon,
it shall be.
You were there,
And you can't go back.
(I feel this is incomplete. Might complete it soon or never)
Friday, April 06, 2012
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
here, there and everywhere -
these are some of places,
my mood has been.
Awaiting a crash,
A turn to changes things back.
Perfect to turn to imperfectly me.
Things are scary, especially when
they are going your way.
Where's the catch?
That dark figure looming somewhere,
Waiting to jump from the corners.
When will I wake from this dream?
You dream and you pray
And then it comes true.
How do you enjoy when
you know it will end?
How do you know that
Things don't last.
Dreams don't happen.
It will end.
Await the doom.
Friday, March 02, 2012
Valentine's day. They gathered around the centre. I followed the friend who had brought me there. She spoke. I was drunk. Everyone poured their drink in the bin. A fire was lit. One by one, they put in a piece of paper. A photograph. I did too. I let go of your picture. But memories?
Written as a part of #55WordStory. Promote given by @vivekisms. For the rest of the themes check this
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Love, River, Wedge, Reflection, Betrayal , Cunnilingus, Pch, Doormat, Lust, Fish :
"Love is over-rated," she said looking at the reflection of the mountains in the almost frozen river. "Drama. Drama. That's all there is to it. Pch. Lust is simple. You have the power. No-one uses you as a doormat. There is no betrayal. No misunderstanding. No wedges between people. Simple sex. I would give up fake love for real orgasms. I could live my entire life on cunnilingus."
Yes. I would.
Love - Anju
River - Zenrainman
Wedge, Reflections - Nive
Pch - Dr. McNinja
Doormat -N. C
Lust - Laalfirangi
Fish - Mandar
Yes, that happened.
I had no reason to cry. I had a 100 blessing to count for.
But yet here I was. Cranky. Stupid. And feeling like an outsider.
I can't decide where I belong. Not here and not there. Home is where the heart is but where is the heart? Is there a heart?
A friend called. He was perplexed. I gave him advice like I have been there before a million of times. Have I? Welcome to the other side, I told him. Where the view is awesome but the cost is your soul
Where is this heading? Where am I going? Do we all have days like these?
It will get better.
Or it will get worse.
Whichever. I can't control it.
I just move on.
It is funny how I try to end all my posts on a happy end. Just so that I end up feeling better once I put the final full stop. Most often, I actually do feel better.
On an unrelated note, there is something I decided to do before I leave Chennai and yesterday, the stage was set beautifully for it. But I literally had to bite my tongue to wait for the right time. The right time is such a random concept. In this case, I need a few more months to deal with what is going to come with it.
In the excitement of what might not be, I put this full stop.
Monday, February 13, 2012
I have been at it for 10 minutes trying to explain to him how my leg doesn't hurt, how I am not worried about missing my exams or that I get the rest of my reports tomorrow. I am not. I am just not verbose today. But apparently when girls say nothing, they mean, something.
To all those girls who perpetuate this thought, you are stupid. Stop playing sweet boys who make awesome friends to girls like me. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
For all further reference,
This is not true.
Friday, February 03, 2012
I judge you, my dear.
I judge you.
I judge you for the choice you made.
I judge you for the comparisons you forced me to make.
I judge you even though I said I never would.
I judge you and it's something you taught me to do.
I judge you and yet, I will let nothing change.
I judge you but I shall support you.
Someday, I will stop, I hope.
One day, one of us will realise that we were wrong.
I hope that one is me.
Monday, January 30, 2012
I think I heard something tonight.
1. It could be true.
2. I could be imagining it.
Either way, I have to explore if words said or unsaid, are they words I wish to hear?
This thinking of stuff that I decided not to do anymore is coming back to haunt me.
Friday, January 27, 2012
It all started with this weird knee pain on Friday. It all started the day before the day I was hoping to be on my knees a lot.
Soon, it was Monday and the pain had reduced but not gone away. This can't be good, I thought and decided it was time to stop putting off going to the doctor. I telling myself that it was a ligament tear. Two of my friends had the same thing. I hadn't realised how contagious thing really was. I would have to limp all of this semester IF I was allowed to walk.
The doctor only confirmed my self diagnosis. It most probably was a ligament pull or tear, an Xray would reveal the extent of the injury.
If I had a superpower it would be that of over thinking. I already had begun thinking of when I could schedule the surgery. Yes, end of the semester. Hopefully, it should not be that bad. If nothing, I will repeat this semester next year with all my juniors.
I managed to get my Xrays and CT scans done and walked in confidently into the doctor's office. I already knew what was waiting for me. Ligament tear. Surgery. Being trained to walk again. Maybe this will teach me not to take exercise lightly. I might start running. Yes, this way all the pain will mean something. Oh my, it is going to hurt a lot, isn't it? Also, whee, painkillers.
The doctor looked at the Xray and stared at it for a good 10 minutes before he said, “It is not a ligament tear or a pull”
“It looks like there is a growth here. I can't see it properly. You need to do an MRI.”
I don't like being wrong and telling me my ligaments are okay after I was planning to run and win the marathon? That is cruel. But wait, a growth?
“What kind of growth?” I ask the doctor giving up the dream of being on the podium of the Mumbai marathon with the Kenyan and Ethiopian runners.
“It mostly is benign tumour but I need an MRI to be sure,” he said.
Mostly? Gulp.“There is less than 10% chance that it will be malignant”
WAIT. Why would you say that to me? To a 23 year old? When she is alone. I walked out of the hospital listening to Video Games by Lana on loop. Reached home and crashed on the bed. My dog jumped on the bed to greet me. Will she miss me? My family. Why am I surprised?
Cancer runs in the family. But with all the smoking and drinking, I expected my lungs or my liver to give out but not so early. My knee? Really? That's what is going to kill me? My grandmother, how will she take the news? Will my brother miss me? Will my Dad? It is a good thing my grandfather doesn't realise what is happening around him. He won't realise that a giant truck just hit the family.
“Dad, I need to come home, NOW. Can you book my tickets?”
It was a wonder he caught the urgency in my voice and 15 minutes later, I was driving to the airport, looking at everything like it was my last time. Good bye, Chennai airport. Good bye, awesome friends here. I will haunt you soon, I swear.
I wondered about how much chemo hurts while I checked in. Finally, I will get to lose all of that weight. And my life long dream of going bald. Awesome. If only, I don't die immediately after. But what are the chances of that happening?
Have I mentioned how much I love painkillers? Boarded the plane, took one and immediately fell asleep.
The next thing I know is this sharp pain in my head. Head? I felt whoozy. Like I was being thrown around. I looked out of the airplane window, we were falling. I could hear the Captain say something but my head could not process. What was happening? All I remember next is a loud crashing sound and everything going blank.
Apparently, really important announcements relating to this post.
1. I am not dead. This post is not from my grave.
2. My knee is acting funny. There is some kind of "bony projection". I am heading to Mumbai for further investigation. I DON'T HAVE CANCER, yet.
3. This was a stupid attempt at dry humour but I suppose I hit too close to home. I am sorry to all those that I got worried.
4. If I were writing a post about real things (non-fictional), I wouldn't write about my smoking, drinking or my sex life even if I indulged in any or all of those things. #justsaying.
5. I love all of you who actually called. Yay, I have more than one reader of the blog.
Monday, January 09, 2012
But yes, you have to go on. Because of what you want in the end, might just be worth all this effort.
Sometimes, it just is better not to ever say, never.