On the Indian Judicial System

“Why has Indian Judicial System been such a huge failure? How can we improve our Judicial System? After all, Justice Delayed is Justice Denied”

The topic in itself deals with two different issues under the umbrella of the proverb of “Justice delayed is justice denied.” If you were to go on the streets of India and ask people for their opinions on whether the judicial system has failed the country, almost 100% would agree. Not many have a positive interaction and “good” people never want to get mixed up in these sort of matters.

When one starts to examine why the Indian Judicial System has been such a failure, one has to look at what makes a good judicial system. One cannot definitely say that a system has failed, if we cannot define a system that works. An effective judicial system is one that is approachable, is speedy, is fair and most of all is just. Is the Indian system any of these, if not all? Most often the answer will be no. No doubt there are isolated cases where justice does triumph and the guilty, punished.

The reasons for the failure are dime a dozen and everyone has its own reasons. For me, I see exactly 2 reasons –

• Apathy
• Greed.

Apathy is the root cause of all problems that plagues our country. When it comes to the Judicial system, apathy is all around. It has now become a vicious cycle. People don’t trust the judicial system and the judicial system doesn’t care about the people.

A common man doesn’t want to be involved in the procedures of the court even though he might be a victim. Why? It starts with the fact that the victim in our judicial system has not many rights. There is no victim impact report. In fact that crime is thought to be committed against society and not against a person. A victim is not but PW1 or public witness 1. There is no place for the rehabilitation of a person who could have been affected. Restitution is a joke and used interchangeably with compensation. Approaching the court is like driving on a pot hole ridden road when the destination isn’t desirable.

This predicament of the victim becomes worse when the crime committed is that of rape. The questions asked demoralizes her and one often wonders who the culprit is.

Isn’t it apathy on part of the public, on part of the judges and the entire judicial system that we did not have a proper conclusion on the Bhopal Gas Tragedy for more than 20 years after the incident? It was probably only the media attention that got justice to the Jessica Lal murder case. These cases are mere examples of how badly things can go wrong within the Judicial System.

Greed is the second common reason for the failure of the judicial system and with greed comes corruption. In terms of corruption, the judicial system stands second only the police which is the other part of the Criminal justice system. 62% people agreed to have bribed an official of the judiciary. These bribes are paid so that cases are deferred; the guilty are let off on bail. It wouldn’t be much of an exaggeration that our judicial system is corrupt from top to bottom.

There are certain things that can be done, however, to ensure that the judicial system works as a well oiled machine that delivers justice in a humane fashion. Solutions almost always require the problems to be broken down into manageable, smaller, practical issues that can be solved individually or collectively. I am going to use that approach while looking at how we can fix the Indian Judicial System.

First, the judiciary is overcrowded and the judges are a few. This creates the issue of cases dragging on forever.  As Nani Palkhiwala observed once, the progress of a civil suit in our courts of law is the closest thing to eternity we can experience. In almost all states of India, we can see local goons using strong arm tactics to settle cases in extra judicial ways. This creates a criminal nexus which defeats the very purpose of having a judicial system. As Gladstone observed, the proper function of a government is to make it easy for the people to do good and difficult for them to do evil. The only sanction to ensure good conduct and to prevent bad behavior in society is swift punishment. This is because our laws are archaic and full of loopholes. We need better, modern and efficient laws. We need more lawyers and more judges. We need more courts and more benches. We should have fast track courts for specific type of cases.

The higher courts have taken on themselves too much, making it impossible for them to be able to render justice speedily and efficiently. The writ jurisdiction became pervasive and everything under the sun is somehow made a subject matter of the writ. For instance, the transfer of an employee in a public sector undertaking has become a matter of writ jurisdiction by very involved and dubious logic. Such absurdities undermined the authority of judiciary and caused enormous damage to public interest. To take another instance, the courts have time and again ruled that cooperatives are public institutions, and are creatures of state, whereas in fact cooperative theory and practice throughout the world clearly envisage that a cooperative is a collective private body, created to further the economic interests of the members in accordance with the principles of cooperation. This mind-set that state could intervene everywhere, and that such intervention by definition is good, ensured that the people’s institutions could not flourish in an atmosphere of freedom, self-governance and autonomy. At the same time, state’s power even to control its own employees and enforce discipline has been severely eroded. As a net result, the judicial process only helped to accelerate the decline in governance. A stronger state with stronger controls is what is essential. There needs to be a division of power in its truest form.

Local courts, village panchayats withered away because they were not maintained. What remained were the Khaps that give judgments that are detrimental to society. The hierarchy was supposed to look like a pyramid with Supreme Court as the apex. The Supreme Court, which was originally designed to consist of a chief justice and not more than 7 other judges has now been expanded to a total strength of 26.  The high courts have even larger numbers of judges. The Andhra Pradesh High Court for instance has 39 judges! All these hundreds of high court judges in effect sit as constitutional courts every day with the power of interpreting the Constitution, and quashing laws on the ground that they are unconstitutional. The need of the hour is a local system that recognizes and understands the Constitution of India, along with the local norms and traditions. When the world is obsessed and discussing restorative justice, we have been practicing it for centuries and have let it die. We need to revive it and embody it within the Indian Judicial system.

Easier judicial procedures, approachable courts, better lawyers, efficient laws is what will make our Judicial system stronger. If these challenges are not recognised immediately and if far reaching judicial reforms are not initiated with a great sense of urgency and devotion, the judiciary may also fall in public esteem endangering the whole civil society and adversely affecting the public good. The judiciary should recognise that it is an organ of state with the sole objective of serving the public in a fair, efficient and accountable manner. Its loyalty should only be for public good and speedy justice and not to the convenience of advocates or politicians or bureaucrats. We have been singularly fortunate that several outstanding judges over the decades have ensured that judiciary can function in an independent and fearless manner. The time has now come when concerted efforts should be made to make judiciary efficient and effective without usurping the functions of the other organs of state.

While we concentrate on Justice delayed is justice denied, we should also remember that justice hurried is justice buried. What needs to be the focus is law taking its own course in the most efficient manner possible. 

Word count : 1387

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The serial masturbator

This post starts with 4 stories, all true, all connected because of an incident, one of them mine

Story A : Girl A is travelling by a cab. She is rushing to meet friends for dinner, she is late. She, finally reaches and while on the call consoling her friends that she will be there in 10 seconds, attempts to pay the driver. She hears him mumble. She asks him to repeat. She realises that he had asked her to join him, she realises in horror that he has unzipped his pants. She looks around to see if there is anyone around. She still needs her change back. She is shocked to reply or react and he zooms off.

Story B : Girl B is going to college by train. She is alone in the first class compartment in the middle of the afternoon, meaning she was the only one around. A school boy enters and sits across her when he has the entire compartment. He starts a conversation, she has her headphones on. He touches her, maybe to get her attention, she jolts. She is uncomfortable and moves to stand near the door. He follows, attempts to  touch her again, she yells at him. He goes back and within her visual range and unzips his pants. She is shocked to respond and react. The train stops, she walks off.

Story C : Girl C is travelling in the rick. She is busy looking at her phone when suddenly the rickshaw stops, she look around for a reason for it to stop. She realised with a shock that he was stroking his penis in the middle of a road in broad daylight. She creates a huge hue and cry and manages to get the attention of a cop who intervenes only because she refuses to let the issue go. She walks off knowing that she did what was right. 

Story D : Girl D, a 15 year old was walking home one evening. A man on a cycle, stopped and asked her for directions. While she was reading the address on a paper, he held her hand and she realised that he was stroking his penis with the other hand. She was shocked and pushed him and ran. She reached home and cried. 

What do these stories have in common?

A man/a boy who couldn't keep it in his pants. And then they say we dress slutty or that women asked for it.

As I mentioned before, one of these stories is mine and having that happen to you is the worst feeling ever. Being reduced to a mere object. I thought I was the only one, that this was an isolated incident. Unfortunately, it isn't.

What makes these men so bold? How do we as women react to these situations? How do we as a society put a stop to these? 

Thoughts and afterthoughts on slapping someone.

There comes a time in your life when you realise that you have to stand up for yourself. That moment happened to me a couple of years back and I failed myself. But you see I am a woman and I got the chance to do that once again.

I was at the train station and there was a man standing a little too close to me. He brushed against me and when I asked me to keep his distance, he called me something he shouldn't have. Instinctively, I slapped him. The whole place was a little shocked and I got my ticket and walked off. It was a stupid reaction. If I had thought about it even for a second, I wouldn't have reacted at all. I would have pretended to not hear it at all. I hate admitting it to myself. Walking toward the train, I was mad at myself. What if he followed me? What if he saw me again at the station? What if I was hurt in anyway possible? A lady came up to me that time and said that she was proud of me, she would have wanted her daughter to do the same. Would she have stood up for me if that guy came to attack me back? Would any of those people intervene?

All day long, I walked with a smile and false sense of security. Met a couple of friends. Would they stand up and fight for me, if God forbid something had happened as a reaction to my slapping him?

I am home now. Should I consider myself lucky that I am safe? Should I be careful while going to the same place again?

Despite all these thoughts, I am really glad that I did what I did. I was told I am an inspiration to all the women out there. If you aren't the one that slaps, please support the one that does? Women or men, be supportive of the one that decides to stand up for themselves. I really glad and happy that a lot of people kept asking me where I was on twitter just to make sure that I was safe. It is reassuring to know that I don't stand alone. Thank you everyone who said anything nice to me today.

Btw, it stings like hell when you slap someone.

I can't end this post without reminding you of the podcast on rape and rape laws in India. 

Doing this as a part of  "I Stood Up" Blogathon. Click the link for details.

That's all I am.

Thought of mom, came up with this. 

If I could paint,

I would close my eyes and think of you

Paint my memories on the easel

With colours you loved.

If I were a sculptor,

I would close my eyes and think of you

Hammer and chisel your face

And your perfect smile.

If music I could compose,

I would close my eyes and think of you

Every note would sing your praise

Never doing justice.

If I were a dancer,

I would close my eyes and think of you

My pirouette and adavus

Would all be for you.

But all I can do is write,

Close my eyes and think of you,

Fumble with words,

Struggle with adjectives.

Yet, all I can say is,

You were perfect.

I wish I could...

I wish I could tell you everything,

My fears, my dreams, my insecurities.

I wish I could tell you everything

And show you my scars –

Some inflicted by myself.

I wish I could take you to

The deepest corners of my heart.

I wish I could sit you down

And show you where it hurts –

Pretty much everywhere.

I wish I could show you

The little tin boxes labeled with my sins.*

I wish I could tell you everything

And accept you to understand –

I know you will.

I wish I could take apart every part of me

And make you put me back together.

I wish I could I trust you enough

With all of this and more –

Not yet. Not now.

*With direct reference from Darling by K. Thanks for being an amazing inspiration.

Podcast #1 Rape and rape laws in India

This is my first ever podcast and I am very proud of it. I am not the kind to speak into an empty room but I did it and the effort hopefully comes across. I know the podcast leaves a lot to be desired but the idea is to get the information across and I have put in my sincerest efforts to do that.

Please listen to it and let me know what you think.

The links that referred to while preparing for this podcast are :

1. Motives of a rapist

2. Redefining the rape laws in India

3. Marital rape in India

Do you have more questions on the topic, please be free to send me an email at mizarcle@gmail.com

Suggestions for the next topic of the podcast are also welcome. 

Conversation killers

Technology has made things more difficult. People expect you to keep in touch with them all the time. First, it was okay that you called them and spoke in great detail about everything that happened in the past since-you-last-spoke-them but now, you have whatsapp everything that happens as it happens. While this is okay if you have an awesome and amazing life, if you are unemployed, bored and home, almost 24*7, you really have nothing to say, do you?

On the flip side, since I am bored and unemployed, I ping my friends all the time. God bless whatsapp and free texting. These are people that I talk to everyday and while I appreciate their effort to keep the conversation going sometimes, they can't help but fall into the rut of conversation killers. These are words that make you wonder if the person is bored, busy and trying to kill the conversation, whether they mean to or not. A good conversation is a game of catch, A throws, B catches and then, B throws and A catches and it goes on. A conversation killer is when A throws and B catches and that's that. To keep the conversation going A has to procure a new ball from somewhere and A might not have an unlimited supply of balls, you know.

I asked on twitter which words end up as conversation killers and here's a short list:

1. ":)"  - Actually any smilie will do.
2. Okay or any of its cousins, worst of all, "k"
3. Hmmmm
4. Nothing much or worse, NM - This generally follows What's up and isn't met with a "what's up" in return.
5. Lol - Come on, you can better. Tell me what you found funny or ask me what happened next?
6. Yes/ No - Similar to okay.


Most of you can do better I bet. What word irks you the most?

(Thanks, @milcom_ , @sloth13, @AnjuJaison, @paripooj , @violetcrab, @riccu for your suggestions)

Podcast.

After barcamp, someone suggested that I do a podcast and I am taking the suggestion seriously. If you have questions regarding rape or rape laws or just have something to say, let me know so that I can answer them in the podcast.

So you can mail me at mizarcle@gmail.com with your questions and I will try my best to answer them.

Barcamp and peanut butter slutty brownies

Weekend was stressful. BarcampMumbai09 was yesterday and it was amazing. There were brilliant sessions and I gave a talk to a packed audi. It was recorded and hopefully, I shall get a video for you soon enough. Yes, I mean you, my sole reader.  The most ego-boosting experience was reading the tweets post the session. A person asked me to do a podcast on issues like rape (which is what I spoke on) and I might actually consider it. 


Another brilliant part of yesterday was that most people who had my brownies, actually liked them. (Psst: Even though they didn't come out well). I promise people I would put the recipe up on my blog. I used the recipe from PlanetByn and yes, they are called Slutty Brownies but these ones use peanut butter and hence, they are not as sweet as the original all chocolate slutty brownies. 

Peanut Butter Cookie Layer

1 cup creamy peanut butter

1/2 cup sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla essence

1 1/4 cups flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

3/4 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt

1 cup chocolate chips

Brownie Layer

1/2 cup + 2 tbsp butter

1 1/4 cup sugar

3/4 cup cocoa

1/2 tsp salt

2 tsp vanilla essence

2 eggs

1/2 cup flour

+ around 16 Oreo cookies

Directions

1. Line a pan with tin foil and butter it so that the brownie comes out clean post baking , and preheat the oven to 350F or 180C.
2. For peanut butter cookie dough layer, cream the peanut butter and sugars together in a medium sized bowl. Add the egg and vanilla and mix again. Add the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt and stir to combine. (Don't over mix, just combine) Mix in the chocolate chips.Be sure to mix this properly or the cookie will be crumbly and not an effective base for the brownie. Press the dough into an even layer in the pan.
3. Add a layer of cookies on top of the peanut butter cookie dough, and press in slightly.
4. In a medium saucepan, melt the butter, then add the sugar and cocoa powder and whisk everything together to combine. Remove from heat and add salt, vanilla and eggs, and whisk in to combine. Add the flour and mix just until blended. Pour over the top of the Oreos.
5. Bake for 35-45 minutes (mine took 40 minutes) until a toothpick inserted into the centre comes out clean.

If you do try this, let me know how this goes.

I am going to start using this to bribe people.

Sorry there are no pictures. Maybe next time, I should bake with a friend.

Of beauty and distance.

I had this conversation of sorts with a friend and that got me thinking, "do we appreciate beauty when we are closer to the object or when we are further away?"

Somethings are better off far away. All mistakes, blemishes, faults seem smaller when you are far away. And magnified when you are closer. Similarly when you are closer to an object, there are so many aspects of a thing that you can notice that small faults seem irrelevant.

I have no answer to this yet. Will sleep on it and see what I think tomorrow morning. 

Three shades of regret

There was something about her, you got to admit.

Today began like just another day. Who would have known it would end this way?

It was her eyes, I think. Or her smile. Maybe it was the way she played with her hair while she thought about something. But she definitely had something that made me want to go upto her.

I walked to the bus stop kicking the can all the way. Suddenly, there was a voice that caught my attention, it was the shopkeeper fighting with a customer. Mr. Baker was always a disgruntled man and I think I learnt most of my swear words, hearing him yell at others. Today too, I watched him with a smile. I heard the general string of cuss words and then, the customer slammed the door as he walked out. He saw me looking through the glass, raised an eyebrow and said, "Don't go in there, if you are smart. He is crazy old man." I didn't. I looked at my watch and realised I was late for work, I hurried. This here was my regret #1 - I didn't walk in.

I remember seeing her for the first time, not knowing what to say. Tongue-tied and sloppy. I dropped wine all over me. She made me do it, I say.


I ran to the bus stop and almost missed my bus but I made it. There wasn't time to wait or even catch my breath, as I reached work, a colleague said, "Let's leave. Emergency on PA Street."  I was surprised. " Dude, that's why I am coming from. Who is it?"  "A Mr. Baker, I believe. Heart attack, after he exchanged a few words with a customer. Come on."  I waited while he drove. It isn't easy being a paramedic on days like this. There is always a casualty and you always have to get there on time. Today wasn't one of those days, we couldn't save Mr. Baker. Even though, we tried. If only I had got there in time. This here was my regret #2 - I didn't get there in time.

Then she twirled her hair around her fingers and came and sat next to me. "Am I making you nervous?" she asked. "Yes" "Don't be. I don't bite." "I hope not." 


As we carried Mr. Baker's body back, I kept wondering the "What if"s of today. What if I had walked in then? What if I had got there in time?

Mr. Baker had always lived in his shop, said the newspapers the next day. He had a wife. I chuckled. Who would live with an ill tempered man as him? Since my childhood, I never seen Mr. Baker with anyone. I was told he got married the years that I was away at university. There was no picture of his wife.


Years later, I would tell her how she made me feel that day and she would smile. She would say, she knew I was looking at her, she liked the attention. She would make me feel like a fool, all over again. She always knew how.


I decided I would go to the funeral. I have no logical explanation for that decision but I decided I wanted to know more about this man. I had to call my mother and ask her for my suit (Hey, I move around a lot) and poured over the papers to find the details. There was only one church in town and that's where it would be on Saturday evening. I called Bob and asked him to cover my shift for that afternoon. He reluctantly agreed. This here was my regret #3 - I went to his funeral.

"What if I had never come to speak to you that day?" she asked. "I would have taken time but I would get there, eventually. You just had me under a spell. I would have you one way or another."  "Yeah right" she said. Yeah right, I said to myself.

Saturday came and I got ready. His family was in front and the church had a few people who seemed to know him. The priest called me a family man who had lived his life. A kind man even though he had a harsh tongue. He then called upon his wife to share a few words.

And then that's when I saw her. And I immediately thought, "There's something about her."

So if you really see, I regret nothing at all.

Places to drink in Chennai

The 2 years in Chennai were awesome, for a lack of a better word. This was mainly because of the amazing people I met and all the hard work put in at the university. The latter would mean meeting the former over drinks. (Sorry, family)

Since a lot of people have asked me to do this, I am going to do this.

(In no particular order)

• Ten Downing Street - (Free diluted drinks for Ladies on Wednesdays upto 9.30pm) - Brilliant place and lovely ambiance. Going on Wednesdays ensures a lot of eye candy for men. Friend and I would go there by 7, have a few drinks by 9.30 (their watch always a couple of minutes faster than yours only on that day) and then be on the dance floor till it closed.  The place is generally filled with young college students on Wednesdays. 
Good place for lunch on most days. Good menu and they too have a decently priced combo.  

• Bike and Barrels - (2 free drinks/ 1 large free drink for ladies on Thursday) - I like this place and it was almost like a second home. They have 2 sitting areas - lower and an upper deck. The upper deck is for stags - men only while the lower is for couples. Large groups can sit down as long as there is 1 female per 2 men in the group. Once, a friend and I were the only 2 females in the upper deck. As she said, "2 pairs of boobs and so many pairs of eyes on them." can get a little weird at times. But the upper deck does have a pool table in their smoking room.
 The nicest thing is I like about this place is the bike suspended as wall decor. Food is not too bad and they have a decently priced lunch menu, as well.

• High Time - (20% off on all drinks between 11am to 6pm - the last time I checked even on weekends)  I haven't been to this place every often and always in the afternoon. It was new and it was swanky and more importantly, it was purple. I love the giant bottles of alcohol they have there, a 6l vodka was what caught my attention. The 'chakna' keeps coming and is not sundal, for a change. 


• Distil - (2 free drinks for ladies on Fridays) I think I went to this place every Friday for a month. Things we do for free alcohol. The TenD routine was repeated of having the free drink and dance till it closed. This place can be filled with middle aged people looking for a drink (and there isn't anything wrong with that but the vibe can be weird) I am not the biggest fan of their decor or the ambiance but it is a good change on some days. (Why I went there 4 Fridays in a row is a mystery to me too.)


• Havana - (Free martini for women on Thursday) I can't remember much of this place because the weird disco lights gave me a really bad head ache. But from what I have heard from friends, this place is expensive and has a really small dance floor.


• Leather Bar - Went there once to celebrate giving my first international presentation (yes, in Chennai in front of an international audience). It was expensive and the crowd consisted mainly of corporate looking men. It also gave a slight feel of a gay pub, I remember. 


• Geoffrey's Pub - I like the place. It is apparently an English Pub and though it is a little far away from the city bounds (i.e my house), I really like the decor of this place. I can't tell much about the prices because the only I went there was for the Kingfisher Beerup. But I know they have live music once in a while.


• Dublin - ( Free entry for women on Friday and free drinks worth Rs. 500 - if I am not wrong) The only club in this list. It is expensive and has 3 levels. It can get crowded once in a while. I believe this is one of the few places which doesn't necessarily close at 11pm. 


• Zara - This place prides itself as a Tapas bar and it is one of the best places in town. I prefer taking people who come from out of town to this place. It can be a little expensive but by now you have figured out that drinking out in Chennai is kind an expensive affair. It has 2 outlets and the one at the Airport is open till a good 3 am. 
 I love the cocktails of this place and it is a nice place to stop for lunch.

• Star Rock - (Free domestic white liquor on Friday till 10 pm) - Interesting place. Plus they have started to have interesting stand up on Sunday nights for a cover of Rs. 500. This place has special memories, I saw India win the T20 World Cup here. 


• Minus 1 - (Happy hours from 12 to 5pm - I think) I had to think really hard for the name of this place because I have only thought of this place as the blue bar. I have no idea why it was so blue. It was close to university (Kinda) and we went there once or twice when there was a huge break between 2 classes and you can't sit through some classes completely sober.


• The Pirate's Bar - (Some discount if you go there before 6pm) I think this was the bar I frequented the most often. It is a little creepy and there is no reduction in prices for a lack of ambiance. But but the best thing about this place was that I could walk back home.
  
  Walking in as a woman could easily mean you would be the only one of that gender that. But the best part of this place is that it has no dress code.

• Diesel - A dingy little weird place. The only reason we went there was because we wanted to be the only people there and be able to do our own thing and that's what we got. Another brilliant memory here.If I am not wrong, this too doesn't have a dress code.


• Hotel Ranjit-  This place definitely doesn't have a dress code and let's you smoke if you are on the roof top. Service can be a little slow and if there are 12 of you, you might be asked to keep your volumes down. One of those few kinda cheap drinking places. Also it has funny sounding kebab names. 

There are many more places that you can get a drink in Chennai, of course. But these are just the places that I visited while I was there.

Having said that, the best place to drink in Chennai is to find a friend who has a club membership and is ready to take you there. (Thank, Mihir for being that friend) Also, you could buy alcohol from TASMAC and get it at home and drink in your own special ambiance. Always my preferred thing to do.

Blank pages

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 28; the 28th Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is 'BLANK PAGES'.

There was an accident 6 years ago that had damaged Simran's vocal chords. She was 2 then. The house that was waiting to be filled with the laughter of a child was left waiting.

Simran's parents were not the kind to give up. They taught her to write and write she did. She wrote hello when she met a new person and shoved the book in their faces. She learnt to write before anyone her age, she had to.

Soon, Simran could be found at parks and museums scribbling away on her notebook, she would then run home and show it to her parents. They would discuss art and books and music. Nothing slowed Simran down. Until one day when a regular checkup, the doctor revealed that maybe a small operation could fix Simran's voice. Her parents were hopeful but they saw the fear in Simran's eyes. They asked her to write whether she still wanted to go ahead with the surgery. The page had a lone 'Yes' written on it.

The day of the operation came and it went. Nothing really has changed, Simran's zeal for life continues, you can still find her in parks and museums running back home waiting to share her discoveries and ideas to her parents. What is hard to miss is the look of happiness in her parents' eyes when they see the blank pages that follow the 'Yes' in the notebook.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

PS : Writing after a really long time. Be nice? 

No one reads me anymore

I don't think anyone reads my blog anymore. I don't shamelessly plug it anywhere and pour all my secrets out on twitter. Must rectify. Yes, the blog was my first love before twitter came along.

Also, what an amazingly attention seeking title, eh?

Luci and I aren't all that different, you know.

Luci is my dog, if you didn't know. And she is quite a special little thing. Even though I have called her brain damaged, I don't mean special in that way.

So Luci is probably the most docile dogs, you'll know. A little hyper at times but never will bite you unless it is playfully and you are Shruti or me. One nasty habit Luci has is that when we take her down for a walk, she likes to egg bigger dogs. Generally, she never ever even looks in the direction of another dog but just sometimes, she will pick a fight. Shruti and I think that she knows that she can do whatever she wants and get away with it because we are always there to protect her. Nothing will ever hurt her.

I think the same about my dad.

Of how I lost my wallet for Re.1, managed to get the credit cards of my entire family and have no idea of how I will shop and other such deep stuff.

First things first, I might be going to Germany. Yes, now, please don't jinx it. Okay? Visa is a pain. Thankfully, I have an awesome person taking care of that. And for that I needed a Demand Draft. Got one done but there was error. Had to get another one. Apparently to cancel a DD you need a revenue stamp. (Why all these stupid rules is a separate rant) I went to the post office. Got my wallet out and got of the post office in less than a minute. Walked 10 seconds and wanted to get something to drink and realised I don't have my wallet. Fuck the cash (which was quite a bit) but my cards. Okay, maybe fuck my cards too. But I have to shop to go to Europe and I have no cards.

How can it get any worse? Oh wait, it does. Yesterday, I had an entire pissed off conversation with my father about I should be trusted and considered an adult. And what do I do today? Self respect down the drain. So if you have a piece of my self respect while you are having a bath, please return it. If you find it while doing other stuff, let it go. I will survive.

So not only have I lost my wallet and aforementioned self respect, I have managed to block my dad's and brother's credit cards. They were all connected to one account and now, they are now all blocked. Brilliant.

Somehow all of this has to make sense, right? Nothing happens without a reason. Or maybe it does. In those moments that I ran inside the Post Office to check if my wallet was still there, I surveyed the area, checked the floor to check if my wallet was still there. I saw this one man in his rickshaw driver uniform. Since I didn't find my wallet, my mind immediately thought, oh maybe he took it. Mind you there were many others around but my mind immediately started noticing him. In my moments of panic, I said nothing and thank God for that. But I feel so pathetic that with all of my criminology training and shit, I am still just a mere mortal with all my prejudices. I know I am being pompous but ideally, maybe, I should have looked at everyone with the same suspicious eyes and I didn't. Wallet to gaya, the halo I had on my head, also gone.

Over all, a pretty stupid day, I say.

This has been my day so far. Now, it is time to become the bull's eye for daddy's firing range and go crack that visa interview tomorrow.

(Feeble attempts to make myself see the funnier side to things. It hasn't worked very much)


P. S : I had to mention that it was a sexy Pierre Cardin wallet which my dad gave me and I will miss it. RIP.

Lands.

The war has torn my lands.

There is blood oozing hate from every crevice.

There are shards of broken dreams,

Glistening in the meek sunlight.

Walls lay broken, ruined.

The proud buildings are in pieces,

Somewhere and everywhere.

There is disdain in the air

Along with despair.

There is no salvaging,

No selvage to stop unravelling.

Where does one go from here?

The master - one story, two endings

“Master, tea,” he said as he peeped inside the room. His master was in a corner fixing his tie. The master’s wife, his mistress at the dressing table, fixing her face. She glanced at him as he kept the tray with the tea pot and cups down.

He poured a cup of tea for the mistress just the way she liked it and handed it out to her. She had a scowl on her face. She took a sip of her tea and made a disgusted face. “Is there no one in the house who can make a decent cup of tea?” she asked.

He apologised for no fault of his. His master stopped her but only so that he could yell. His eyes down, he heard it all. “I will take care of it, master,” was all he could say. As he left the room, one could see the smile on his lips and the gleam in his eyes for he knew that once everyone left, the tables would turn. He would be the master of the mistress on the master’s bed.

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“Master, tea,” he said as he peeped inside the room. His master was in a corner fixing his tie. The master’s wife, his mistress at the dressing table, fixing her face. She glanced at him as he kept the tray with the tea pot and cups down.

He poured a cup of tea for the mistress just the way she liked it and handed it out to her. She had a scowl on her face. She took a sip of her tea and made a disgusted face. “Is there no one in the house who can make a decent cup of tea?” she asked.

He apologised for no fault of his. His master stopped her but only so that he could yell. His eyes down, he heard it all. “I will take care of it, master,” was all he could say. As he left the room, one could see the smile on his lips and the gleam in his eyes for he knew that once everyone left, the tables would turn. The master would have to pay, in kind. 

Why curly hair girls will rule the world?

I read this blog post by BZiB and I knew that I had to write a post about why girls with curly hair will rule the world.

Do you have curly hair? Then, you already know why. Reason 1 is simple. We are more tolerant of bad days. When you have curly hair, invariably every other day is bad hair day, we are used to it. We know things will get better and that some days are just bad.

Reason 2. We are used to dealing with unruly flyaways. Curly hair gets frizzy and then, we have to manage it somehow. Sometimes, it works, sometimes, we just let things be.

Reason 3. We have at some point have wished we had straight hair or at least wavy hair. I have straightened my hair twice and while I look amazing it pictures, somehow I don't look me. People with curly hair can deal with what is given to them and can make it rock.

Reason 4. Not everyone knows how to cut curly hair. And hence, either we are ready to try and experiment to find "the one" who can and when we do find them, we will not leave them for the one. Curly haired people are committed.

Reason 5. Maintaining curly hair and making it behave is a task. People with curly hair know that if you want something to be the way you want it to be, it takes effort.

Reason 6. As I have said, maintaining curly hair can be chore and sometimes, it means spending a lot on hair products. Sometimes, when you love something, you just have invest in it. Time, energy and money. Curly hair-ed people don't shy away from this.

Reason 7. We have the awesome capacity to laugh at ourselves when people compare us to Sideshow Bob, Boney M and other amazing people.

Reason 8. If you use a conditioner with a pump (and God knows all those big bottles come with a pump and who buys a small bottle that gets over in a day) we always get a good arm workout. Arms are extremely important in the plan for world domination.

Reason 9. We don't need the skills of Lucy Liu to tie our hair with a chopstick. The curls can make the chopstick stay there forever.

Reason 10. Curly hair is a dominant gene. That means all of us will produce more curly hair people. Our kind shall multiply multi fold and we shall rule the world.


Beware of our nemesis : The wind and the humidity. I hear they are teaming up to form an alliance.


If you need to know, these are my curls.

List

Overwhelming emotions can be conquered by making a list, yes? Yes.

1. Have to get my travel plans in order.
1.1 Find places to stay at Amsterdam, The Hague and Frankfurt.
1.2 Find things to do and people to meet (This doesn't include making a list of gifts I will get back home)
2. Finish the exams peaceful
2.1 Research. Research.
2.2 Find notes, maybe?
3. Research. Research.
4. Hug Luci multiple number of times.
5. Pack your bags.
6. Meet people you won't in a zillion years now.
7. DON'T GET CHEESY.

Don't let anything affect you.

"Don't let anything affect you."

This is probably the stupidest advice anyone can give. It is like saying don't be human. The problem with us is that we don't let thing affect us. We should. Apathy is boring and dysfunctional.

This too shall pass.

This too shall pass.
Yes, it shall.
Good or bad,
it shall go away.
Fade into the oblivion.
Become a memory,
distant and maybe, vivid.

Like the horizon,
it shall be.
Far, unreachable.
You were there,
Once.
And you can't go back.
Make peace.

(I feel this is incomplete. Might complete it soon or never)

Self actualisation

Self defense is probably one of the best ways to get away with murder. We all kill to survive. Even if you a vegetarian or vegan or whatever the newest fad is. (Fruitarian, really?) 

In the hierarchy of needs, survival is one of most basic needs. One that can't be conquered. Everything is forgiven if you do it to survive. People have cut off their own arms, killed others on a boat to eat them and other weird unmentionable stuff.

People who, hence, commit suicide are, according to me, self-actualised.

Disclaimer:

Since I have people who over react as friends, I am not depressed. I am not contemplating suicide. Also, I am not disappearing from twitter for a day after talking about this. *snigger*

Await the doom.

Up and down, round and about,
here, there and everywhere -
these are some of places,
my mood has been.

Awaiting a crash,
A turn to changes things back.
Perfect to turn to imperfectly me.

Things are scary, especially when
they are going your way.
Where's the catch?
I wonder.

That dark figure looming somewhere,
Waiting to jump from the corners.
When will I wake from this dream?

You dream and you pray
And then it comes true.
What then?

How do you enjoy when
you know it will end?
How do you know that
it won't?

Things don't last.
Dreams don't happen.
It will end.

Await the doom.

Photograph

Valentine's day. They gathered around the centre. I followed the friend who had brought me there. She spoke. I was drunk. Everyone poured their drink in the bin. A fire was lit. One by one, they put in a piece of paper. A photograph. I did too. I let go of your picture. But memories?

Written as a part of #55WordStory. Promote given by @vivekisms. For the rest of the themes check this

Prompt 1

Love, River, Wedge, Reflection, Betrayal , Cunnilingus, Pch, Doormat, Lust, Fish :

"Love is over-rated," she said looking at the reflection of the mountains in the almost frozen river. "Drama. Drama. That's all there is to it. Pch. Lust is simple. You have the power. No-one uses you as a doormat. There is no betrayal. No misunderstanding. No wedges between people. Simple sex. I would give up fake love for real orgasms. I could live my entire life on cunnilingus."

Yes. I would.


Love - Anju
River - Zenrainman
Wedge, Reflections - Nive
Betrayal -Naivette
Cunnilingus -SS
Pch - Dr. McNinja
Doormat -N. C
Lust - Laalfirangi
Fish - Mandar

I thought. I typed.

Have you ever laughed so much that you cried? Cried because it hurt and the laughter broke the emotional dam you had built?
Yes, that happened.
I had no reason to cry. I had a 100 blessing to count for.
But yet here I was. Cranky. Stupid. And feeling like an outsider.
I can't decide where I belong. Not here and not there. Home is where the heart is but where is the heart? Is there a heart?
A friend called. He was perplexed. I gave him advice like I have been there before a million of times. Have I? Welcome to the other side, I told him. Where the view is awesome but the cost is your soul
Where is this heading? Where am I going? Do we all have days like these?
It will get better.
Yes.
Or it will get worse.
Whichever. I can't control it.
I just move on.
It is funny how I try to end all my posts on a happy end. Just so that I end up feeling better once I put the final full stop. Most often, I actually do feel better.
On an unrelated note, there is something I decided to do before I leave Chennai and yesterday, the stage was set beautifully for it. But I literally had to bite my tongue to wait for the right time. The right time is such a random concept. In this case, I need a few more months to deal with what is going to come with it.
In the excitement of what might not be, I put this full stop.

When I say nothing at all.

I have a well meaning friend. He is awesome (Just for the record) but is misinformed by all the email forwards, I believe. On a slow, non-verbose day, he pings me and immediately got worried about why I was replying in monosyllables. I am all of asking the person if everything is okay but also, please believe me when I say nothing?

I have been at it for 10 minutes trying to explain to him how my leg doesn't hurt, how I am not worried about missing my exams or that I get the rest of my reports tomorrow. I am not. I am just not verbose today. But apparently when girls say nothing, they mean, something.

To all those girls who perpetuate this thought, you are stupid. Stop playing sweet boys who make awesome friends to girls like me. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

For all further reference,

This is not true.

This is

I judge you.

I judge you, my dear.
I judge you.
I judge you for the choice you made.
I judge you for the comparisons you forced me to make.
I judge you even though I said I never would.
I judge you and it's something you taught me to do.
I judge you and yet, I will let nothing change.
I judge you but I shall support you.
Someday, I will stop, I hope.
One day, one of us will realise that we were wrong.
I hope that one is me.

One more.

I think I heard something tonight.
1. It could be true.
2. I could be imagining it.

Either way, I have to explore if words said or unsaid, are they words I wish to hear?

This thinking of stuff that I decided not to do anymore is coming back to haunt me.

Crash

Please read the important announcements at the end as well?

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It all started with this weird knee pain on Friday. It all started the day before the day I was hoping to be on my knees a lot.

Soon, it was Monday and the pain had reduced but not gone away. This can't be good, I thought and decided it was time to stop putting off going to the doctor. I telling myself that it was a ligament tear. Two of my friends had the same thing. I hadn't realised how contagious thing really was. I would have to limp all of this semester IF I was allowed to walk.

The doctor only confirmed my self diagnosis. It most probably was a ligament pull or tear, an Xray would reveal the extent of the injury.

If I had a superpower it would be that of over thinking. I already had begun thinking of when I could schedule the surgery. Yes, end of the semester. Hopefully, it should not be that bad. If nothing, I will repeat this semester next year with all my juniors.

I managed to get my Xrays and CT scans done and walked in confidently into the doctor's office. I already knew what was waiting for me. Ligament tear. Surgery. Being trained to walk again. Maybe this will teach me not to take exercise lightly. I might start running. Yes, this way all the pain will mean something. Oh my, it is going to hurt a lot, isn't it? Also, whee, painkillers.

The doctor looked at the Xray and stared at it for a good 10 minutes before he said, “It is not a ligament tear or a pull”

SAY WHAT?

“It looks like there is a growth here. I can't see it properly. You need to do an MRI.”
I don't like being wrong and telling me my ligaments are okay after I was planning to run and win the marathon? That is cruel. But wait, a growth?

“What kind of growth?” I ask the doctor giving up the dream of being on the podium of the Mumbai marathon with the Kenyan and Ethiopian runners.

“It mostly is benign tumour but I need an MRI to be sure,” he said.

Mostly? Gulp.“There is less than 10% chance that it will be malignant”

WAIT. Why would you say that to me? To a 23 year old? When she is alone. I walked out of the hospital listening to Video Games by Lana on loop. Reached home and crashed on the bed. My dog jumped on the bed to greet me. Will she miss me? My family. Why am I surprised?

Cancer runs in the family. But with all the smoking and drinking, I expected my lungs or my liver to give out but not so early. My knee? Really? That's what is going to kill me? My grandmother, how will she take the news? Will my brother miss me? Will my Dad? It is a good thing my grandfather doesn't realise what is happening around him. He won't realise that a giant truck just hit the family.

“Dad, I need to come home, NOW. Can you book my tickets?”

It was a wonder he caught the urgency in my voice and 15 minutes later, I was driving to the airport, looking at everything like it was my last time. Good bye, Chennai airport. Good bye, awesome friends here. I will haunt you soon, I swear.

I wondered about how much chemo hurts while I checked in. Finally, I will get to lose all of that weight. And my life long dream of going bald. Awesome. If only, I don't die immediately after. But what are the chances of that happening?

Have I mentioned how much I love painkillers? Boarded the plane, took one and immediately fell asleep.
The next thing I know is this sharp pain in my head. Head? I felt whoozy. Like I was being thrown around. I looked out of the airplane window, we were falling. I could hear the Captain say something but my head could not process. What was happening? All I remember next is a loud crashing sound and everything going blank.

------------
Apparently, really important announcements relating to this post.
1. I am not dead. This post is not from my grave.
2. My knee is acting funny. There is some kind of "bony projection". I am heading to Mumbai for further investigation. I DON'T HAVE CANCER, yet.
3. This was a stupid attempt at dry humour but I suppose I hit too close to home. I am sorry to all those that I got worried.
4. If I were writing a post about real things (non-fictional), I wouldn't write about my smoking, drinking or my sex life even if I indulged in any or all of those things. #justsaying.
5. I love all of you who actually called. Yay, I have more than one reader of the blog.

That dream

That achievable dream that suddenly within my grasp.
That far fetched destination that is closer than ever, only getting closer with time.
That everything that can be mine only if my grasp is strong and heart of steel.

If only....

Rant number 1034

It is never easy to re write what you already have. It never easy to tell a story that exists only in your head. It is never easy to do something that isn't in your nature. It is never easy to complete unfinished business.

But yes, you have to go on. Because of what you want in the end, might just be worth all this effort.

Sometimes, it just is better not to ever say, never.

Yes?