Today :)

Today is a good good day.

Today, 47 years ago, my grandparents decided to get married despite it raining cats and dogs outside. Their's is not a love story you would find in books. Hardly a love story even. 2 people living together and spending the rest of their lives together. My grand mum born and brought up in richness, a die hard romantic, life of a party, graceful and fluent in more than 9 languages. My grandfather, quite the opposite, silent, reclusive, caring but non-expressive, loved his work, hates doing nothing.

Together, they have faced so much, seen so much, dealt with everything, together. They fight, they quarrel yet they have stood by each other when it meant the most. Sometimes, forever actually means forever, I guess. Touch wood.



Today also happens to be the bday of Jr. I'm at a loss of words about what to say. So I'm just going to say, Many Many Happy Returns of the Day! Happy 22! I'm sending loads of wishes and hugs on your way, on a very very public forum. So before I say something really stupid to embarrass myself, I'm going to finish off this post :)

In your shoes!

Caught in my own webs,

Wearing rose-tinted glasses,

Seeing the world,

As I want to see it.

Everyone can see,

The truth, the reality

Why can't I see the world

the way it is?

People I adore, 

People I love,

People that mean 

the world to me.

People that I feign interest in!

What do they mean 

if I can't see the world,

atleast, from their eyes!

Walk a mile in their shoes,

Adjust, change, let go!

The friends, the lovers,

Family and the rest.

See the world as they might,

Look beyond what you can see

The world exists for you and me. 

For us, if you choose, for it to be,

Of the things I want...

I'm not what I was
I'm not what I will be.
I'm not what I am
with you with anyone else.

You're not what you were
You're not what you will be
You're special to me
just as I hope, I'm to you.

Will you change with me?
Will you hold my hand,
every step of the way?
Will you be there?

Will you accept me the way I'm?
Will you change things
you don't like?
Will you be there always?

I expect no fairtale.
I expect no smooth sailing.
I do expect tender loving care
And a happily ever after.

I want to fight with you.
I want to argue with you.
I want to send you to the couch.
I want to love you.

Wait. Wait. Wait.

That is all that I seem to be doing now a days. Wait. And then wait some more. I wait for replies and my test scores.

And I hate it. It has a good something to do with the fact that I have nothing to do. Absolutely nothing. I need work, something to keep me sane. Arrgh. I never knew doing nothing can be so frustrating.

Uni dearest, let me know if I am through or not, please? Pretty please with cherries on top?

I can't watch movies all day or read books all day. I need something to do. Something. Something. But what? Any suggestions?

Mom, where is Heaven?

"Ma, does death erase all memories of life?"
"Not at all."
"Then what happens when one dies?'
"You go to heaven."
"Is heaven beautiful?"
"Very beautiful. Remember the meadow we went to last year? Even more beautiful than that."
"Will you forget me, when you get there?"
"How can I walk into heaven without you?"
"You'll wait for me? How will I trace you?"
"I will wait for you at the gate, like I did everyday after school. I will wait a long time, for you."
"But do you have to go?"
"Yes. You know how when you were with God, he sent Mamma and Papa here first to make a house for you, so that everything would be ready here when you came? We have to do the same there, now"
"But I will miss you, Ma"
"I will too. But I will look down, every single day, just to check if you are ok."

Submitted for 3WW : Trace, meadow, erase

PS: 1. I wrote a blog post for my friend, Richa here (Just a FYI)
      2. Blog-a-ton completes one year on 5th July and as anniversary celebrations, certain cities have a meet planned up. If you want to join in, please see who you can contact here. It is at the end of the post, so kindly scroll down.

My first crush

Ah my blog is full of mush. Last time around, Blog-a-ton took me down the memory lane. This post, it is Blogadda’s contest has taken me way back, back almost 10 years. To the memories of my first crush.

The crazy rush of emotions. The feeling that this is it. Forever. That this indeed is love, true love. How can I ever forget that feeling? And more importantly, how could I ever forget him?

I still remember that day like it was actually happening all over again, right now. I was 12 yrs old. I was on my way to dance class, I oh so hated. I loved my hockey practice and almost tried to dance my way out of dance class. But I always ended up giving in to my mother’s stern looks.

It was one such class that I sat grumpily waiting for the class to start. I hate being there and the teacher was late. Claustrophobic, as I am, I decided not to wait around any longer and wander around. I convinced one of my friends to come along. As we were about to leave, I saw him running. His hair flying in the air. I hated boys with long hair, until that day. Books in his hand and glasses that made him look like the smartest person I knew.

It was since that day that I loved my dance class. My mother was absolutely surprised, wait, shocked to see my enthusiasm. I waited eagerly for these weekly classes and the days that I didn’t see him, my mood would plummet making my parents, wonder what was wrong. It was one such bad moods days that got my mother worried. I hadn’t seen him in 3 classes now, that was almost 3 weeks. My 12yr old heart could take no more and I rushed home crying. My mother sat me down and refused to go away till I told her what was the matter. I finally gave in. I told her about my mystery guy and the “love” I felt for him.

I was so afraid she would laugh. 12 yr old and love? As I heard myself say all that aloud to my mother, I laughed and realized how ridiculous I sounded. Weirdly, the deep dark secret, I “had” to hide withered away as soon as I opened my mouth and told my mother. My mother looked at me with a look that conveyed understanding, the understanding of being there and having felt that.

A hug later and a few tears later, we were in the kitchen, over a cup of hot chocolate, I tried to convince my mother that I wanted an out of the dance class and this time, she said, now, I was grown up and I could make my own decisions. Confused, I decided to give dance another chance.

Oh btw, that was the day, when I began my life long relationship with chocolate. That is one relationship, I don’t see ending anytime soon.

This week...

This week has been an interesting and a stressful one. What a waste of a week it would be if I don't blog about the things I learnt in this past week. So here goes...

1. Enjoy your work. You might just live to be 80 and at that time, you'll wish that you had the predictability that you had to go to work the next day.
2. Make friends. Keep in touch. As I said earlier, you'll need those senior citizen clubs when you are 80 and have nothing to do but "hang out".
3. Make friends of all ages. Maybe all the friends of your age will die before you. Having friends older will prepare you for the deaths to come (Trust me there will be a lot). Having friends younger than you will keep you open minded.
4. People surprise you. All the time.
5. Sometimes standing up for yourself is the easiest thing to do.
6. The past lets go off you if you let go of the past.
7. You can't have it all. Life and relationships involve sacrifices. Sometimes, the ones you don't want to make.
8. Words like surreal are fun to use.
9. People don't always get what they deserve, in a good way and a bad way.
10. It is ok to block some people of your gtalk if you don't enjoy talking to them. 
11. I aint spontaneous at all. 
12. Co-writes are fun to write.
13. I missed making random lists.

Hidden

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 11; the eleventh edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

This post is co-authored by Jr. and me. After toying with a lot of ideas, we decided to finally tell each other all that was "hidden" and reveal what our inner Hydes were saying about each other through the time we knew each other. The parts in the brackets and italics are the thoughts in the head, J being Jr. and R being Rashi, me. Needless to say, this was one hell of trip down memory lane.

First Mail:

J: Hello. I sent what you had asked for. Did you go through it? (Another person. I'm not fit enough to handle such a big enough friend circle, you know?)

R: Hey. Yeah got it. Thanks a lot. I am going to bombard you with questions. I hope you don't mind. (What nonsense! Why can't the document be more self-explanatory? Now, I will have to keep asking for clarifications. Arrrgh. Whatever.)

J: Of course! It's not like I'm busy or anything. Mail me anytime. (Great! Another jackass who I've to explain shit to!)

R: Brilliant. Hope to catch you online sometime soon. (Damn. How stupid does he think I am? I can google.)

On Twitter:

J: #nowplaying Verve - Lucky Man (What good does this Twitter thing do anyway? As if anybody would want to know what I'm listening to!)

R: Hey. I really like the Verve, especially this song :) (How bored am I? How bored is he? Ah looks like we are similar in very weird ways)

J: Oh hey, seems we have like really similar tastes. (And I thought I was the most jobless loser in the world. Somebody actually cared to reply!)

First Chat:

R: Hey! Are you busy? (Let me be nice. It is almost 1 am. We can't talk for more than 15 mins na?)

J: Nah, tell me. I have loads of time. (J, you pathetic fuck! Write the goddamn assignment. Deadline! Tomorrow! Morning! This chick ain't that interesting anyhow. WTF?)

R: Oh. What are you upto? I am really bored. What are you doing up so late? (Damn. What the hell, I am bored. Maybe some entertainment?)

J: Oh, well you know, this and that. I don't sleep that early usually anyhow. What you upto? (I don't want to do assignment. It's boring. Maybe she'll entertain me.)

Several Chats later:

R: Hey where have you been? I haven't seen you online in almost 3 days now. Getting that busy eh? (Thank God, he is online. Err wait, what? Why? Must not do this, now. Not good)

J: Been busy re. Work is killing me. (For a very distant friend, she IS very clingy. But hey, somebody to talk to. Good enough I suppose.)

R: I was wondering what happened. It has kinda become a routine eh? Seeing you online. (Gah. Do you realise how desperate you sound? Woman, get a grip on your self. Stop talking. NOW) 

Two/Three Months Later:

J: Whaddup? Oh wait, it's 11'o'clock. Did you take your medicine? (How can I talk to somebody so much, and still not have met them? God, she's one careless woman though!)

R: Give 2 mins. Sorry, ran to take my medicine. Thanks. I can be so careless. (He remembered :O Yay. Wait, what? Why am I excited about that? Focus! Calm!!)

J: Ah well, I'm renowned for remembering when people should take their pills. :) (WTF? That HAS to be the most retarded thing I said all year. Ah, not that it matters all that much anyway. I'm prolly not gonna run into her for a very very long time.)

R: Err.. Ok! So tell me do you know about that Mangalore thing? (Way to go. Couldn't find anything smart eh? I should just stop talking at times.)

J: It's in December. I'm going. You showing up too? Awesome! (Damn! She's gonna remember all the goofy things you said J! Now you're totally fucked. Should I try and deter her plans or something? Ah, what the hell? Why does it matter? She's just a friend after all!)

First phone call:

R: My net just gave up on me. (What? No Hi nor hello. Why the fuck did I call up? Think of an excuse. Think Think.)

J: Oh cool. So, er, you showing up at Mangalore then? (Why the hell is it so hard to talk to her? Yeah right! As if you're quite the Casanova with everybody else. She's just a friend. Deep breath, and act supremely cool!)

R: It is in December right? I aint too sure. College is being a complete bitch and it will only get harder. (Yeah. That is it. No plans to go there. There will be people you have never ever met. And go there and make a fool out of self, eh?)

J: Shit man! That sucks. Anyhow, me gotta run. Later! (Is this good or bad? True it might be awkward. But would've been fun to meet her! Why am I feeling disappointed?)

First meeting, December, Mangalore:

R: Hey. Finally we meet eh? (Why? Why? Why did I come? It isn't even an official trip. I am so going to regret this.)

J: Ha! You're not as short as I thought you were! (Seriously? That's the best thing you could think of to say? It's a shame even to be your alter-ego. You=loser. Thank God. Doesn't look like she's about to run away.)

R: Yeah. That makes me feel very nice. Thanks. How was your trip here? (Hey. This doesn't feel all that awkward for a first meeting. You don't know what kind of person he is. You better start thinking straight. He could be a psycho killer.)


Mangalore, 2 days later:
J: I'm so glad you came! Wouldn't have been the same without ya! (If you like her, tell her! You're drunk now. Worse comes to worst, you tell her you do this to all women when you're drunk!) 

R: I am glad too. Do you get so comfortable with every girl or is this just because you are drunk? (What? You didn't just say that. What the hell. He is not going to remember it tomorrow anyway.)

J: He he. Nope. It's just because I like you. (What? I was kidding! You actually did it, you piece of shit? She's going to SO hate you for this!)

R: Hmmmm. Same here. I didn't think I would say it so soon but I like you too. (What? He is drunk. You are not. Well you are a little. But that was so not needed.)

J: Er, ok. I'm asking you out. You game? (Sigh. I will stop speaking now. Haven't you seen James Bond movies? That is NOT how you ask a girl out you dick! *facepalm*)

R: Haha. Sure. I'm game. (Game? He says something stupid and then you go make it worse. This is sooooo not worth it. How do I make this stop?)

After quite a few weeks of fruitful 'relationship', one fine day:

J: You're going to the movie with friends kya? Who all? (I swear, this X guy is really getting on my nerves. Why can't he find his own girlfriend? He's gonna be there, I'm sure! Girl-stealer, masquerading as friend!)

R: Pata nahi. I don't feel like driving all the way. If X is giving me a lift, then I will go. (Why is he asking all these questions suddenly? I hate being asked and he knows that. I better try to keep my cool)

J: It's a bad movie anyhow. And why do you trouble him so much anyhow? Anyhow, me off now. Going to lunch with Y and Z. Those two also want to do some shopping later on it seems. Girls I say! :P (Easy! Even if you don't lose her to him, you'll lose her if you act like a friggin maniacal stalker! Back off! Now! Deal with it later!)

R: Yeah, I heard. Hence I aint too sure. Or we might just go for a drive. I haven't spoken to him in a long time. Where you people off to, eh? (Out with 2 girls? WTF! Why am I suddenly feeling so possessive? This can't be good.)


Few months later:

J: Is it imperative that you go to lunch with X? I don't think he's the kind that can be trusted! Oh, and did I mention he's a totaly dick? (Him again! God, this is getting out of hand! I'll explode!)

R: Listen, I have explained this a million times, he is my friend and we will end up spending a lot of time together. Just deal with it. It isn't like you don't go with friends, even if they are girls. Did I ever stop you from going out with X or Y? This is almost not worth all the fights. (Shit. I am going to lose my mind with all these fights. I should try and not get carried away. I always end up saying the wrong things. I need to let him know without making it a big deal.)

J: Alright fine! Let's not fight. (Easy now. You DON'T want to lose her now do you? Easy! Deal with it later!)

Yesterday:

R: Ahoy boy. How was the day? Are you planning to write for this blog-a-ton atleast? (Yeah. We can't really fight about this right?)

J: *Lightbulb* Dunno. Wait, it's 'Hidden' right? You wanna co-author it? (Mua ha ha. I be the evil genius. Seriously, what would you do without me?)

R: You and me together? How is that going to work? But couldn't hurt, I suppose. (I am as it is outta ideas. As long as we don't end up fighting.)

J: Oh wait, just got an idea! How about, everything we kept 'Hidden' and did not say to each other? That would work now wouldn't it? (Sigh. Finally, she'll hear why that fucker X is a pain in the ass and why she should be glad to have ME around!)

R: Haan. Sure. Let's give it a try. But with a little creative freedom, ok? (I guess I found my chance to say everything I wanted. For once, I should let him know that I too am afraid of losing him and can get really possessive)


Right Now:

J: It's funny what all shit we've come through eh? (Sigh. We've taken too much shit. It'll take Superman with chaddi inside to take her away from me now. Why should I worry about some retard X! Enough now. No more.)

R: We are really weird, aren't we? So now, we have nothing hidden? (Man, this has been one hell of ride. But it has been just so worth it.)

J: Well, I doubt that is ever possible. But as long as we keep the Hyde hidden, we'll be alright. (.....)

P.S : This is very very loosely based on facts.

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Dog A or Dog B?

This question has been creating a havoc in my brain and it is quite stupid, actually but nonetheless, here it goes.

Suppose you want get a dog for yourself. You can choose between 2 puppies, same breed, same looks, everything is almost the same except their temperament. Dog A is sweet and gentle, friendly with everyone. He loves being with your friends, even the ones you don't get along with. Your friends seem to love him more than they probably love you and are always saying that you are one lucky girl.

Dog B on the other side is a moody dog. He loves you. Is loyal and faithful. But can't get along with your friends at all. His true, loving side is reserved just for you. It is like he is a totally different dog when he is with you.

There are 2 things conflicting here. One is the need to make the world see why you feel the way you do, the other being the need for somethings being only for you.

What would you choose?