There was not a sound in the house. Just the slight humming of the fan above her and the click of the keys on the keyboard when it was her chance to type. She rubbed her neck. She was tired. But she needed to stay away. This, right now, was familiar but when, it would be morning, it would start all over again. There was a tinge of pink on her cheeks. Not from blush, the natural or the made up kind. It was an allergic reaction to all the weird make up her mother was making her wear. She had to look like a bride.
She wondered what that meant. She was a would be bride and everything she did would be what a bride would do. She had never followed any rules. She raced cars in the middle of the night. She smoked like a chimney. This was the longest she had gone without a smoke. She needed a smoke. She couldn't in a house full of people. She couldnt wait to get married and get done with these shenanigans. She continued to ramble on. Then, suddenly said to him, you are the reason for all of this. You bloody had to come and ask my parents for my hand in marriage. We couldn't just run away. Like they could have caught us in my car. Damn you!
He was used to this. He just smiled and said, "I'm taming the lioness."
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Them
I was so excited to meet them both finally. I had spoken to both a couple of hundred times, met them too but individually but meeting them together was something I looked forward to ever since I first noticed their chemistry.
It has been 3 yrs since he called me one morning and told me about this amazing girl he had been speaking to lately. Soon, he introduced us over the internet. One or two conversations later, I realised what he saw in her. She was this amazing girl with a great sense of humour and soon, we became very close.
He was an important person in my life. I had known him forever. He was 5 years elder to me and knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. He was my anchor and the voice of my conscience.
She was an important person in both our lives. She made him happy and that made me happy. They refused to start dating or give name to the relationship they shared. I hoped they would.
I was the one who resolved when they fought, if they ever did. When I called him and he would be talking to her, he would me on conference and I didnt get the opportunity to say even a word. I would be laughing crazy. I loved them.
Today, she was finally in our city. I was going to meet them. Sigh. I couldnt wait. He called me. I am on my way. I asked him where she was. She'll come. I havent spoken to her, he replied.
That was odd, I realised but didnt say anything.
He came in with a somber face. A face I had never seen.
"Did she call you?", he asked.
"No. Why?"
"When did you last speak to her?"
"Before she left, I guess."
"What did she say, then?"
"Why are you saying me all of this? Havent you spoken to her? Dont scare me."
"No. I havent spoken to her."
"What does that mean?"
"That means I havent spoken to her. What is so difficult to understand?" He yelled.
His eyes met mine for just a second. I saw pain in his eyes. I felt my insides churn up. I sat beside him.
"Tell me what happened," I said softly.
"Will you believe me if I said I dont know?"
"Tell me what you know."
"I know we have been fighting a lot and then, one fine day, we stopped talking. We havent in 2 weeks now. I dont know where she is or what she is doing. I dont know if she is coming today. We made this plan ages ago and I was hoping she would keep her word and come here. I was really hoping to meet her here."
I looked at my idol almost break in front of me. I was stunned and didnt know what to do. I was finding words to say something to comfort him.
Suddenly, it seemed like someone was behind us and looked behind.
"Just because we dont speak, doesnt mean this is over," she said with a smile on her face.
It has been 3 yrs since he called me one morning and told me about this amazing girl he had been speaking to lately. Soon, he introduced us over the internet. One or two conversations later, I realised what he saw in her. She was this amazing girl with a great sense of humour and soon, we became very close.
He was an important person in my life. I had known him forever. He was 5 years elder to me and knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. He was my anchor and the voice of my conscience.
She was an important person in both our lives. She made him happy and that made me happy. They refused to start dating or give name to the relationship they shared. I hoped they would.
I was the one who resolved when they fought, if they ever did. When I called him and he would be talking to her, he would me on conference and I didnt get the opportunity to say even a word. I would be laughing crazy. I loved them.
Today, she was finally in our city. I was going to meet them. Sigh. I couldnt wait. He called me. I am on my way. I asked him where she was. She'll come. I havent spoken to her, he replied.
That was odd, I realised but didnt say anything.
He came in with a somber face. A face I had never seen.
"Did she call you?", he asked.
"No. Why?"
"When did you last speak to her?"
"Before she left, I guess."
"What did she say, then?"
"Why are you saying me all of this? Havent you spoken to her? Dont scare me."
"No. I havent spoken to her."
"What does that mean?"
"That means I havent spoken to her. What is so difficult to understand?" He yelled.
His eyes met mine for just a second. I saw pain in his eyes. I felt my insides churn up. I sat beside him.
"Tell me what happened," I said softly.
"Will you believe me if I said I dont know?"
"Tell me what you know."
"I know we have been fighting a lot and then, one fine day, we stopped talking. We havent in 2 weeks now. I dont know where she is or what she is doing. I dont know if she is coming today. We made this plan ages ago and I was hoping she would keep her word and come here. I was really hoping to meet her here."
I looked at my idol almost break in front of me. I was stunned and didnt know what to do. I was finding words to say something to comfort him.
Suddenly, it seemed like someone was behind us and looked behind.
"Just because we dont speak, doesnt mean this is over," she said with a smile on her face.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Beach Beauty
The red ball in the sky,
finally setting.
The red in the cheeks,
never fading.
The laughter, the jest
always around
The hugs, the warmth,
never leaving.
The ocean so blue,
Hearts, oh, so true,
Of the dark skies
running away from goodbyes
and no sand in the shoes.
Return to mundane life,
With hope of sunny days,
Once again, never too soon.
Posted for OSI and ABC Wednesdays - B
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Yes.
Sunday Scribbling asked
This question comes as a very valid point in my life. I can be a very rigid person in life and have to start saying "Yes" to new experiences. I need to start taking criticisms in my stride and not be so sensitive to them.
On the other hand, I need not say "Yes" to everything. My major issue is that I agree to anything and everything and then, when I cant handle everything, I tend to quit. Come on my hands are small and if I overload them, things are bound to fall down. I need to learn to pick the right things and give it my best.
I need to be ok to failure but I should atleast try. I shouldn't give up just like that. Just yesterday, I told a friend to not let me quit my current endeavor. Though I am sure he is going to come up with frustrating ways to motivate me, I will try my best to stick to this thing.
I need to say "Yes" to difficulty, to challenges. Nothing is easy. Nothing worthwhile atleast. Let me fight for this. Or else how would I be able to tell life, " Lets see what else you got. Bring it on"
What are you saying yes to in your life? What have you said yes to that changed your life? How has yes been a part of your year so far? Do you practice yes or no? Maybe there is something you need to not say yes to. What writing comes to you from yes?
This question comes as a very valid point in my life. I can be a very rigid person in life and have to start saying "Yes" to new experiences. I need to start taking criticisms in my stride and not be so sensitive to them.
On the other hand, I need not say "Yes" to everything. My major issue is that I agree to anything and everything and then, when I cant handle everything, I tend to quit. Come on my hands are small and if I overload them, things are bound to fall down. I need to learn to pick the right things and give it my best.
I need to be ok to failure but I should atleast try. I shouldn't give up just like that. Just yesterday, I told a friend to not let me quit my current endeavor. Though I am sure he is going to come up with frustrating ways to motivate me, I will try my best to stick to this thing.
I need to say "Yes" to difficulty, to challenges. Nothing is easy. Nothing worthwhile atleast. Let me fight for this. Or else how would I be able to tell life, " Lets see what else you got. Bring it on"
Friday, January 22, 2010
Chiplun and back
So I'm back again from an amazing trip to Chiplun. I will write all about the trip, things I did there with pictures when my sister uploads them. But there are a million things that I learnt on this trip.
Chiplun is this small sleepy town. Driving there is great fun and is an ideal rest stop between Goa and Mumbai. Now that the advertisement for that is over.. I had the weirdest time there. I had a lot of time to think and generally is not a good thing.
Coming back to the things I learnt, I realised what it means to be close to your family. What it meant rather. People grow up and go to different corners of the world but something back home pulls you all together once a year. My uncle narrated all his childhood stories to me. Generally, I get bored with such stuff but I was damn interested to know what is it that one call from the matriarch and the extended family came from all corners of the country even if it was for a couple of hours.
While driving around in Chiplun, I realised that the stories I heard from my grandparents of how they walked for miles to go to school werent exactly the stories of the past. Till today, there are children who walk God knows how much to get to school.
Makes me wonder of which bubble do I live in? The bubble where everything is simple, easy. Where money talks volumes. What do I value? And why?
Joys in life are simple. Like 3 days of heaven by the beach with friends. Like 2 days spent with a 2yr old running around calling me Maushi (aunt). When did this life become a rat race?
More importantly, how do I get where I want to? How do I keep myself intact? How I prevent myself from getting lost?
This was supposed to be a happy post about happy times. But there is something about being back that comforting yet unsettling. I promise to come back with happy post with happy pictures of my days there. Loads of beaches and beautiful scenery!
Chiplun is this small sleepy town. Driving there is great fun and is an ideal rest stop between Goa and Mumbai. Now that the advertisement for that is over.. I had the weirdest time there. I had a lot of time to think and generally is not a good thing.
Coming back to the things I learnt, I realised what it means to be close to your family. What it meant rather. People grow up and go to different corners of the world but something back home pulls you all together once a year. My uncle narrated all his childhood stories to me. Generally, I get bored with such stuff but I was damn interested to know what is it that one call from the matriarch and the extended family came from all corners of the country even if it was for a couple of hours.
While driving around in Chiplun, I realised that the stories I heard from my grandparents of how they walked for miles to go to school werent exactly the stories of the past. Till today, there are children who walk God knows how much to get to school.
Makes me wonder of which bubble do I live in? The bubble where everything is simple, easy. Where money talks volumes. What do I value? And why?
Joys in life are simple. Like 3 days of heaven by the beach with friends. Like 2 days spent with a 2yr old running around calling me Maushi (aunt). When did this life become a rat race?
More importantly, how do I get where I want to? How do I keep myself intact? How I prevent myself from getting lost?
This was supposed to be a happy post about happy times. But there is something about being back that comforting yet unsettling. I promise to come back with happy post with happy pictures of my days there. Loads of beaches and beautiful scenery!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Educated..?
So this year began with the 3 idiots controversy. Promoting ragging, raising questions about education system of our country and what not.
I really dont have anything to say about the ragging issue, considering I have never been ragged (touch wood) but I can talk about our education system especially post graduate studies. Till you complete your bachelors, it is almost smooth sailing, things just fall into place. Mostly because you dont have much choice about it. You are sure that you gotta enroll in a good college after SSC and then, maybe engineering, medical or some other professional course or you stick to your college and finish your Bachelors. Atleast thats what I did. It was simple.
I got a decent percent in my SSC and hence, got through every college I applied. I chose the best out of the alternatives and 5 yrs later, I graduated. But then, somehow felt that Masters was the next logical choice. Never did I once think whether I really want to do this. I knew I wasn't ready to plunge into the big bad world and no1 would give me a decent job.
But, a few months into the Masters, I realised that this wasn't for me. I was learning nothing new. I was doing my Masters in Industrial Psychology and ALL of my teachers were Clinical or Counseling Psychologist. I understand that the field hasnt got on in India but I felt so lost. I don't claim to know more than my teachers. But my internships plus the amazing NIMHANS conference I had attended convinced me that I was learning nothing that was of value. More over, I was covering the same topics I had done in the past 5 years.
It did not help that the college was totally mismanaged. I rather not say much about the college until I get my certificates back but my stress levels were skyrocketing while I was there...
Today, Im at home, trying to figure things out. What do I want to do? Though, I would like to think that my parents are happy that I didn't end up doing something I would eventually hate but that is not true. They try to be supportive I know it but I guess they are worried too. What about my future? They tell me, find a job, keep yourself busy. I agree. So I'm trying to find me a job. But I guess I decided to be clueless at a very wrong time.
What I'm trying to say is that education should be a choice, an informed choice. To be stuck in a wrong career can be so frustrating. We are in a world where there are a million and one choices, a world where innovation and ingenuity are rewarded. We have so many examples of people who dared to be different and go on the road less travelled or paved a path for themselves. Then, why are we still wanting people to go on the same conventional paths? Doing something is ok but for the neighbour's kids. Not mine.
I do understand that it is more difficult for the men. If the girls are "allowed" to take up certain courses, boys are questioned of how they plan to feed their family if they dont earn. When did money become the sole reason to do things? So many questions unanswered. I guess, it lies within us. Tomorrow we shall be parents and it depends on what we ask of our children.
I really dont have anything to say about the ragging issue, considering I have never been ragged (touch wood) but I can talk about our education system especially post graduate studies. Till you complete your bachelors, it is almost smooth sailing, things just fall into place. Mostly because you dont have much choice about it. You are sure that you gotta enroll in a good college after SSC and then, maybe engineering, medical or some other professional course or you stick to your college and finish your Bachelors. Atleast thats what I did. It was simple.
I got a decent percent in my SSC and hence, got through every college I applied. I chose the best out of the alternatives and 5 yrs later, I graduated. But then, somehow felt that Masters was the next logical choice. Never did I once think whether I really want to do this. I knew I wasn't ready to plunge into the big bad world and no1 would give me a decent job.
But, a few months into the Masters, I realised that this wasn't for me. I was learning nothing new. I was doing my Masters in Industrial Psychology and ALL of my teachers were Clinical or Counseling Psychologist. I understand that the field hasnt got on in India but I felt so lost. I don't claim to know more than my teachers. But my internships plus the amazing NIMHANS conference I had attended convinced me that I was learning nothing that was of value. More over, I was covering the same topics I had done in the past 5 years.
It did not help that the college was totally mismanaged. I rather not say much about the college until I get my certificates back but my stress levels were skyrocketing while I was there...
Today, Im at home, trying to figure things out. What do I want to do? Though, I would like to think that my parents are happy that I didn't end up doing something I would eventually hate but that is not true. They try to be supportive I know it but I guess they are worried too. What about my future? They tell me, find a job, keep yourself busy. I agree. So I'm trying to find me a job. But I guess I decided to be clueless at a very wrong time.
What I'm trying to say is that education should be a choice, an informed choice. To be stuck in a wrong career can be so frustrating. We are in a world where there are a million and one choices, a world where innovation and ingenuity are rewarded. We have so many examples of people who dared to be different and go on the road less travelled or paved a path for themselves. Then, why are we still wanting people to go on the same conventional paths? Doing something is ok but for the neighbour's kids. Not mine.
I do understand that it is more difficult for the men. If the girls are "allowed" to take up certain courses, boys are questioned of how they plan to feed their family if they dont earn. When did money become the sole reason to do things? So many questions unanswered. I guess, it lies within us. Tomorrow we shall be parents and it depends on what we ask of our children.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Whats the colour of your bra today?
By now we must be done discussing the bra colour of women all over Facebook but did anyone stop to ask why so many women actually went ahead and changed their status msg? It is simple to do so, no doubt. But is it really? Openly declaring something that most girls are looking to hide.
Personally I have lost someone to breast cancer and I, for one will do anything I can to promote this cause, even if it means doing something really meaningless. But the question now shouldn't be what did it mean to change the status msg but what now?
One thing achieved was that it least got people talking about the cause. Will it get women to go to the doctor and get themselves tested? Maybe not. But it opened conversational lines. It got me to write this post.
It is easy to say that it was an armchair activism. But something is better than nothing. I don't have money to donate but I can ask every woman I know to get themselves tested periodically. It is the same thing like sporting the pink ribbon. Nothing really comes off it but it makes people talk. More the people talk, more the awareness, less the stigma.
I aint defending the entire act of JUST changing your status msg, but it will be futile if it is JUST that. People can criticize each and every thing. But a few people can make it bigger than what it is. Make it something worthwhile.
More information on Breast Cancer : http://www.breastcancer.org/
To support the cause: http://shop.thebreastcancersite.com/
Edit: Women have always put the health of their family before their own health. It is so damn important to go for regular check ups. There is breast cancer and now, cervical cancer which can be detected at early stages by going for regular check ups. How many women you know do it? Would they do it every 3 months? Would they care if the 1st 4 tests came negative? Wouldn't they stop going then? If they aren't making this their priority, they make it your priority. Trust, you would be kicking yourself (touch wood) when something happens!
Personally I have lost someone to breast cancer and I, for one will do anything I can to promote this cause, even if it means doing something really meaningless. But the question now shouldn't be what did it mean to change the status msg but what now?
One thing achieved was that it least got people talking about the cause. Will it get women to go to the doctor and get themselves tested? Maybe not. But it opened conversational lines. It got me to write this post.
It is easy to say that it was an armchair activism. But something is better than nothing. I don't have money to donate but I can ask every woman I know to get themselves tested periodically. It is the same thing like sporting the pink ribbon. Nothing really comes off it but it makes people talk. More the people talk, more the awareness, less the stigma.
I aint defending the entire act of JUST changing your status msg, but it will be futile if it is JUST that. People can criticize each and every thing. But a few people can make it bigger than what it is. Make it something worthwhile.
More information on Breast Cancer : http://www.breastcancer.org/
To support the cause: http://shop.thebreastcancersite.com/
Edit: Women have always put the health of their family before their own health. It is so damn important to go for regular check ups. There is breast cancer and now, cervical cancer which can be detected at early stages by going for regular check ups. How many women you know do it? Would they do it every 3 months? Would they care if the 1st 4 tests came negative? Wouldn't they stop going then? If they aren't making this their priority, they make it your priority. Trust, you would be kicking yourself (touch wood) when something happens!
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
I'm back but not really.
I wish I could describe how this vacation was. It was the first time that I didn't feel home sick. I'm scared of staying over at my uncles and aunts over the weekend because I start missing home. I stayed for almost a week without the internet (I'm addicted), my bed (I'm possessive) and most importantly my phone (there was so signal). Except the once-a-day call back home to pacify my grandmother, I didnt make a call. And it was fun.
I had no idea that so much "awesomeness" was ready to ambush me. There are parts that I can't recall but I smile. There are people who I had never met before who came really close. The hugs were warm and the smile genuine. Events and things are muddled in my head right now due to lack of sleep, I guess. I really wish I could explain what this trip did to me emotionally. Lets say that I was obsessed and bored to death and now, I have the zeal to move on forward. Life seemed at a standstill but now, it has realised that it needs to find direction.
I will never forget this amazing vacation and I have a hideous scar to remind me (Got it while I was racing for the train) :D
I will go back to the place with the same people anytime of the year without thinking even once. Again, I can't even begin to explain what this trip meant to me. See, I'm rambling now!
[gallery link="file" columns="2"]
I had no idea that so much "awesomeness" was ready to ambush me. There are parts that I can't recall but I smile. There are people who I had never met before who came really close. The hugs were warm and the smile genuine. Events and things are muddled in my head right now due to lack of sleep, I guess. I really wish I could explain what this trip did to me emotionally. Lets say that I was obsessed and bored to death and now, I have the zeal to move on forward. Life seemed at a standstill but now, it has realised that it needs to find direction.
I will never forget this amazing vacation and I have a hideous scar to remind me (Got it while I was racing for the train) :D
I will go back to the place with the same people anytime of the year without thinking even once. Again, I can't even begin to explain what this trip meant to me. See, I'm rambling now!
[gallery link="file" columns="2"]
Thursday, December 24, 2009
I'm off!
Do you know the feeling when you just want to write? I have it today. Maybe because I'm so excited and I was thinking what the hell do I write about? I have been feeling pretty muse-less now a days. I suddenly, remembered that today was a Wednesday and we have the 3WW. And wonder of wonders, one of the words was journey. And that is precisely what I'm excited about. I'm off for a mini and super vacation.
Anyway, this is my take with the words : Hinder, Journey, Rigid.
After doing almost nothing for around 3 months, Sarah was bored. Bored of her life, of her routinely empty days. She had a busy rigid schedule which she gave up because it was beginning to take a toll of her health. The doctor had advised to take it slow. Slow but now, her life had come to complete stand still. There was nothing to do. She needed some excitement, something that gave her a reason to get up in the morning.
Finally came a call. A call from a friend who was bored too. They made a plan to meet halfway. There were a number of things coming her way. Her dad who wasnt used to her taking off like this was one major hinderance. But she managed to convinced him which kind of surprised her. Now, all that mattered was going on this journey. She was going to meet absolutely new people, of whom she had heard, some of whom she had spoken to but never ever met. She thought she was quite the dare devil. Now, all that matter was that trip. She packed her bags, while dancing. Finally, she was excited about something.
Oh yes, I'm tired of being online 24*7 and I'm taking off tomorrow to my grandmother's birthplace. I'm super duper excited and even though the story is absolutely stupid sounding, it is exactly what happened in the past 3 month. I will post a lot of pics when I'm back. Bon Voyage to me :)
Anyway, this is my take with the words : Hinder, Journey, Rigid.
After doing almost nothing for around 3 months, Sarah was bored. Bored of her life, of her routinely empty days. She had a busy rigid schedule which she gave up because it was beginning to take a toll of her health. The doctor had advised to take it slow. Slow but now, her life had come to complete stand still. There was nothing to do. She needed some excitement, something that gave her a reason to get up in the morning.
Finally came a call. A call from a friend who was bored too. They made a plan to meet halfway. There were a number of things coming her way. Her dad who wasnt used to her taking off like this was one major hinderance. But she managed to convinced him which kind of surprised her. Now, all that mattered was going on this journey. She was going to meet absolutely new people, of whom she had heard, some of whom she had spoken to but never ever met. She thought she was quite the dare devil. Now, all that matter was that trip. She packed her bags, while dancing. Finally, she was excited about something.
Oh yes, I'm tired of being online 24*7 and I'm taking off tomorrow to my grandmother's birthplace. I'm super duper excited and even though the story is absolutely stupid sounding, it is exactly what happened in the past 3 month. I will post a lot of pics when I'm back. Bon Voyage to me :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
I lost myself
This place I used to
Once call mine.
This life, I used to
Once call mine.
What belonged to me,
Doesnt anymore!
Places and things
Infested with memories,
Memories of you, of us.
Of times spent in
Arms of you.
Everywhere I go,
I lose myself
In a time, when
you were here.
I lose myself
In a place, when
we were one.
This place I used to
Once call mine.
This life, I used to
Once call mine.
Vanity is the price,
I paid for love.
A price I regret not.
I'm me, no longer.
What was mine,
is mine, no longer.
I lost myself
when I found you.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Queer!
"His chances of surviving are bleak," the doctor said, "It maybe time to say goodbye."
"Dad, I'm queer. I'm sorry I never told you," his son whispered.
All were shocked. There wasn't a sound around the room, not even him breathing. Suddenly, there was a hiccup.
"I always knew, son." The father breathed his last.
Wrote it for 3WW. Haven't written here in a while and had to kickstart! The words were: Queer, bleak and hiccup.
"Dad, I'm queer. I'm sorry I never told you," his son whispered.
All were shocked. There wasn't a sound around the room, not even him breathing. Suddenly, there was a hiccup.
"I always knew, son." The father breathed his last.
Wrote it for 3WW. Haven't written here in a while and had to kickstart! The words were: Queer, bleak and hiccup.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Return of the ranter
There is this person I follow on twitter who has taken to posting almost everyday in his blog and I'm envious. I wish I had a life so full of colour that I could write about it everyday. Actually I'm envious of what I used to be a few months ago. Those of you who followed me to wordpress from blogger would agree that I used to be quite the blogger. Sense or senseless but there used to always be something to read. Interesting or not.
Life, as of now, has become quite dull. And there isn't much to be done except for my absolutely MAD class! (which reminds me I have to take printouts for class)
At other times, I get these wicked ideas of doing things but the lazy me can never get my ass of this damn bed and get working. But, today, I declare is the end of the lazy era. Get to work, I say! Er, what work? Find one, first, I guess. To be making a list, what are things I always wanted to do? Now, that I have the time, shouldn't I be doing those? Ah, finally a positive twist on things. Damn, why do I get energy in the middle of the night?
Fine, to making the list then. I do need to learn cooking. I can't even make a cup of tea. Damn! Ok so,
1. Learn to cook.
Maybe I can better my french. 3 years of it college and now, I have forgotten it all. So lets try not to forget. I should get the old text book out. Hmmm so, now we have
2. Better french skills (la langue, s'il vous plait)
Damn damn, how could I forget?
3. Study that GRE material much much more seriously!
I wonder if this is enough. If not I have a lot of movies to catch up on and learn how to use the LAN services that my darling cable net has provided. Basically, I need to get a real life. Get out of this virtual life. Sigh! I wonder if I will ever keep these up. Well, lets be optimistic atleast while we are starting :P
Oh yeah, this marks the return of the ranter!
Life, as of now, has become quite dull. And there isn't much to be done except for my absolutely MAD class! (which reminds me I have to take printouts for class)
At other times, I get these wicked ideas of doing things but the lazy me can never get my ass of this damn bed and get working. But, today, I declare is the end of the lazy era. Get to work, I say! Er, what work? Find one, first, I guess. To be making a list, what are things I always wanted to do? Now, that I have the time, shouldn't I be doing those? Ah, finally a positive twist on things. Damn, why do I get energy in the middle of the night?
Fine, to making the list then. I do need to learn cooking. I can't even make a cup of tea. Damn! Ok so,
1. Learn to cook.
Maybe I can better my french. 3 years of it college and now, I have forgotten it all. So lets try not to forget. I should get the old text book out. Hmmm so, now we have
2. Better french skills (la langue, s'il vous plait)
Damn damn, how could I forget?
3. Study that GRE material much much more seriously!
I wonder if this is enough. If not I have a lot of movies to catch up on and learn how to use the LAN services that my darling cable net has provided. Basically, I need to get a real life. Get out of this virtual life. Sigh! I wonder if I will ever keep these up. Well, lets be optimistic atleast while we are starting :P
Oh yeah, this marks the return of the ranter!
Friday, December 04, 2009
Lost or found?
Standing in front of the mirror,
I look, I wonder,
Has something really changed?
I talk and try to understand
What people have to say,
Have I truly changed?
So much that people
Recognise me no longer?
Used to be you,
No longer as you were,
Is all I hear over and over again.
Is it really so?
What and who has changed?
I feel and think no different,
Maybe people perceive different?
There has lot that has change,
I disagree with it not.
Part of growing up,
Have I lost what I used to be?
Or is it that I found what I'm?
Did I lose the uniqueness?
Did I find the calmness?
Did I mature? Or
Did I just lose my innocence?
Each day, this confusion grows.
Answers I seek, but none I find.
Muddled and confused,
Ignore everything, should I?
Questions are aplenty,
Answers, none.
I am what I am today,
I was what I was, yesterday.
I shall change throughout
and so shall you.
I shall evolve and with me,
Maybe you will too.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Dedicated to the leading man of my life movie!
Dear Baby Brother,
(Ok, you aren't a baby anymore so scratch that..)
Dear little brother,
(That just sounds wrong. You are almost 6 ft tall)
Sigh!
Dearest darling brother,
(Ok lets make do with this for now)
[Wasn't originally meant to be so but totally fits the 30-letter tag]
I was talking to a friend today when I shouted at you today. Ironically I shouted, "Dont shout." My friend said I shouldn't be so mean to you especially for no fault of yours. I know I lose my temper. I know I shout at you when I shouldn't. Most often I displace my anger at you. I could say sorry and finish it off. But somehow, it just feel wrong. And no, it isn't because of my ego. But our relationship is the only relation in the world, I can take for granted. I still remember the days when we used to fight like cats and dogs. Then, Amma would come and shout at us. Either of us (whoever was more angry and less bruised) who lash back and 15 mins later, we would be enjoying the TV or something else and both of us would be miffed at Amma.
I still maintain that I don't care what I say to because in the end, I know it and I hope you know it, it is you and me, till the end! Always and forever!
Arrgh, I wish I could write more to you. But we aren't used to this, are we? Hell, you read my mind. So, finish that damn journal of yours quick. Have fun. I really want to say I love you but you'll just cringe at that. But I do and you know it. And I hope you always follow your heart. I'm right here if and when you need me...
Love (and kisses :P),
Your ELDER sister!
(Ok ok,)
Love,
Rashi
PS: Just realised that I will ACTUALLY have to part with my laptop to let you read this...Damn!
(Ok, you aren't a baby anymore so scratch that..)
Dear little brother,
(That just sounds wrong. You are almost 6 ft tall)
Sigh!
Dearest darling brother,
(Ok lets make do with this for now)
[Wasn't originally meant to be so but totally fits the 30-letter tag]
I was talking to a friend today when I shouted at you today. Ironically I shouted, "Dont shout." My friend said I shouldn't be so mean to you especially for no fault of yours. I know I lose my temper. I know I shout at you when I shouldn't. Most often I displace my anger at you. I could say sorry and finish it off. But somehow, it just feel wrong. And no, it isn't because of my ego. But our relationship is the only relation in the world, I can take for granted. I still remember the days when we used to fight like cats and dogs. Then, Amma would come and shout at us. Either of us (whoever was more angry and less bruised) who lash back and 15 mins later, we would be enjoying the TV or something else and both of us would be miffed at Amma.
I still maintain that I don't care what I say to because in the end, I know it and I hope you know it, it is you and me, till the end! Always and forever!
Arrgh, I wish I could write more to you. But we aren't used to this, are we? Hell, you read my mind. So, finish that damn journal of yours quick. Have fun. I really want to say I love you but you'll just cringe at that. But I do and you know it. And I hope you always follow your heart. I'm right here if and when you need me...
Love (and kisses :P),
Your ELDER sister!
(Ok ok,)
Love,
Rashi
PS: Just realised that I will ACTUALLY have to part with my laptop to let you read this...Damn!
Sunday, November 08, 2009
The lost girl
To a girl and a woman I'm trying to understand.
When you meet her, you'll probably think she is a snob. Some have told her so. Most change their opinions on meeting her the next time. But you'll never stop thinking, "Man, she talks too much." You'll wince when you see her cross the road. She is careless about her life and health, much like she is with her heart.
She has her pride and an ego too. She is sensitive to criticism but in a no way weak. She cringes on seeing bad English but she knows how to keep her mouth shut. She believes in giving a second chance and maybe even a third but more than that you are just fooling yourself.
She loves doing nothing but is restless in inactivity. She sets very high standards and loves it when people exceed it. She likes it when people correct her more than she loves correcting people.
She wishes things could be better but knows that they could be worse too.
When you meet her, it will seem like the whole world is her friend. She is nice to almost everyone. When you really come to know her (a matter of pride for only a few) you'll know how lonely she is. She is there whenever someone needs her but is there someone who is there for her always?
People love her smile. People love her eyes but a few can see the pain and the emptiness that reflect in them. A few can see that the smile plastered on her face doesnt have the warmth of her heart. Because it feels like a cold cold place there. Frozen over. Brittle and vulnerable.
There is complete chaos in her life but on the outside, she is a woman. Within somewhere deep inside is a lost lost girl!
When you meet her, you'll probably think she is a snob. Some have told her so. Most change their opinions on meeting her the next time. But you'll never stop thinking, "Man, she talks too much." You'll wince when you see her cross the road. She is careless about her life and health, much like she is with her heart.
She has her pride and an ego too. She is sensitive to criticism but in a no way weak. She cringes on seeing bad English but she knows how to keep her mouth shut. She believes in giving a second chance and maybe even a third but more than that you are just fooling yourself.
She loves doing nothing but is restless in inactivity. She sets very high standards and loves it when people exceed it. She likes it when people correct her more than she loves correcting people.
She wishes things could be better but knows that they could be worse too.
When you meet her, it will seem like the whole world is her friend. She is nice to almost everyone. When you really come to know her (a matter of pride for only a few) you'll know how lonely she is. She is there whenever someone needs her but is there someone who is there for her always?
People love her smile. People love her eyes but a few can see the pain and the emptiness that reflect in them. A few can see that the smile plastered on her face doesnt have the warmth of her heart. Because it feels like a cold cold place there. Frozen over. Brittle and vulnerable.
There is complete chaos in her life but on the outside, she is a woman. Within somewhere deep inside is a lost lost girl!
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