Matter part- 1.

"Matter.
Red matter.
Red gooey matter.
Splattered all over.
A man, this time.
With the look of disbelief, fear and disdain all together.
His gaping jaw. The bullet hole through it. He was dead, just like the others.

I woke up, once again. It doesn't surprise me anymore nor does it affect me. I have learnt to live with it. Everyone tells me the same thing. The previous few therapists, my friends or whatever is left of them, It was a message from my past. My past that I know nothing of.

I do remember my first such dream. It was when I was 12. It had me all trembling and unable to sleep. Not that I was or I am much of a sleeper. It was infrequent but now, it has become a daily thing. I can't be bothered anymore. I am done.

It is almost 6am.

I went through the normalcy of the day. Heading first for a bath, then getting ready and making my way to college. These dreams don't matter to me any more. They just don't."

She completes her rant. Her eyes hollow and tired.

"So why are you here?" he asked with a calm and soothing voice that made her kind of weak in her knees. She stopped looking at the floor and looked up.

"Because, well, my last therapist, Dr. Larry couldn't see me anymore and if I don't talk talk about it, I feel like, I don't know, I will explode. Better out than in, eh?"

She likes the way he smiles at her lame attempt at humour. She breathes in deeply.

"What do you want to achieve from therapy?"

"I have stopped having expectations. From therapy. And myself. When I went to my first therapist, I thought the dreams would go away. But here, I am 6 therapists later and no solution. If nothing, the problem is worse. The dreams are more graphic, more detailed. I couldn't see their faces, earlier you know. Now, I can. I can. I know who they are."

"You do?" She can sense the surprise in his eyes. She can feel his gaze on her. Once again, she meets his gaze.

"I know they are people. I feel like I know them."

"Do you know what hypnosis does?"

"I have read about it in my Psychology class and well. Dr. Larry told me about it."

Both of them remained silent for the next 10 seconds, then, he took a deep breath and went on to explain how hypnosis taps into that part of the brain that wasn't accessible by the conscious and alert mind and if these dreams were being caused by something in the past then, she would have an answer.

Having an answer is better than having nothing at all. Would that make these dreams go away, she wondered. Almost instinctively, he answered,

"Knowing the cause helps you deal with the issues, the dormant issues. Your mind is trying to tell you something by the way of dreams and we are here to figure out what that is."

I don't mind coming here everyday if only I get to see this face, she thought.

"Have you understood it? Let me find you something to read for the next session when we start the process."

The smile he flashed next stayed with her the whole evening while she fixed dinner, while she took her long bath and finally fell asleep.