The parasite.

The parasite latches on and grows,
Slowly digging into the core,
Taking, giving and changing,
until you recognise yourself, not.

You love the symbiosis,
the mutual feeding off.
Can't imagine life without,
Until you recognise them, not.

Remind you, I must,
A parasite is just a parasite,
Takes more than it gives,
Destroys more than nurtures.

It will end one day, when,
Anymore you can't give.
Empty and devoid, you shall be,
Exhausted and alone.

A parasites need a core to live,
Yours or somebody else's.
Special you aren't,
Just another empty core.

Naivety

The months of conversation could not have prepared him for today. She sat there in front of him. Currently absorbed in her phone, making plans with her friends. He sat there meekly waiting for her to finish but unsure if he wanted her to.

She looked at him with raised eyebrow. Different parts of his body reacted differently to just that one glance. He wondered what would happen next. She got off the phone.

"Want a cigarette?" she asked.

"I hate the smoke," he replied.

"Mind if I?"

"Well I rather that you don't."

"Say what you want, clearly, henceforth. I rarely take hints."

"Ok. Your place or mine?" he answered shedding that naivety she knew was just a charade.

The way I know how.

Reading my blog post, a friend commented that I sounded tired. And yes, I am tired. The daily grind is awesome. I sleep as less as I can muster courage to do. I go out with friends and have fun till I can't take it anymore and slump down on my bed. But it is days like these, when the University is over, friends have been met over a casual cup of coffee, it is almost 1am and you are up, awake, with nothing to do.

It is in moments like these, that the stupid brain starts to work and memories come rushing back. Now, it isn't memory of a single person or a single moment, it is amalgamation of so many different things that I want to scream out loud. If I were to narrate my story to someone from the beginning to the end, I come across as such a vile person. But this has all been in the quest of one single thing : Happiness.

Unfortunately, it has always been MY happiness. I say to the butterfly that runs away from me, just as I cozy up to it sitting on my shoulder : No more.

I have had enough of running, tiring and then running again, only to be tired. Enough of the search for the horizon. I shall be happy where I am, now. It is hard not to think of what is to come, but I shall triumph. How I am not sure. I shall not slump into my old habits. I shall not make some calls that I shall truly regret, and if I do make them, I shall not regret.

I shall live, the way I know how to.

Limits

I loved limits in Math at school. It was always tending to something without really being it.

X ---> 0 But,
X is not = 0.

That is how the world seems right now. Everything feels as if without being. Routine has set in and days whoosh by and actually make that whoosh sound while they pass.

This one year. This one freaking year is almost over and what a year it has been. Ups, downs, downs, dumps and ups and let's see where the rest of the days take me.

It is all about stretching your limits,
It is all about reaching for the skies,
Standing on your tip toes,
Spreading your hands, wide,
Reaching for that which is high above.

That which is not within you reach,
Yet in sight,
That which tempts and teases,
From oh so far away,
With their eyes fixed upon yours.

Fatigue enters the limbs,
Creeping into the core of the soul,
Give up? Give in?
And let the horizons be,
For they are nothing, but a mirage.

Cutting loose.

When the guarded soul lets loose, there is a pandemonium that occurs inside. 

When emotions flow unrestrained, quite like the tears flowing down the cheeks, there is turmoil that occurs inside.

I thought 

of what I had - Nothing.

of what I didn't have - Everything.

of what I had a lost - A lot.

of people I had lost - A lot.

Some due to things beyond control - Mom. (13 yrs later, I still don't know how to handle it)

Some due to my craziness - I am sorry.

of those who used and abused.

of those I used and abused.

of how it never seems to end.

of the despair that it will truly never end.

of how, maybe it isn't too late to make amends.

of how, maybe it is too late.