Tuesday, October 27, 2009


There is a million and one things that need my attention. I have my hand in so many pies that 24 hrs too shouldnt be enough to finish it.

Is it an absolute necessity that something small, mundane and crazy remind me of you? Then I come crashing down. Down to the absolute bottom where I want to crawl and just lie and never come out until everything is over.

Why the hell do things flooding back, that too with such vividness that I can feel things all over again? I feel like, in this one year, I have taken a million step but in a circle. I am the same damn place I was last year at this time. No change. Nothing has changed. Not a bit. Circumstances have changed. People have changed. The directions of my emotions have changed too. But the hurt just doesnt go away. It hurt. It healed and then it comes back. I hate this process of feeling things all over again.

The first time shit happens, you can gather yourself, convince yourself that things will be better. But then this fades, truth gets to you. You realise that it has happened again. And then comes, the thought, what if it keeps happening. Over and over and over again. What if it is this crazy thing where every year, this time, this shit will happen...

How do you tell yourself that it will be ok? How do you look forward to the next day? How do you bring yourself to believe in yourself once again?


Prats said...

its the feeling of re-living the past !! as my friend said to em once .. u need to see why it happens all over agian the same thing ... might be you are missing some change in yourself !

Aarthi said...

Gather yourself one last time and start living afresh. Remember, you lived your past without that someone...and you know you were happy then. It's certainly not impossible to live for yourself for the time being. It's definitely not difficult to be happy! :)

Life will teach you it's ways... you just need to be strong through it.

Nabila said...

Shit....i can so relate to that shit!
I have lived in that full circle once...where consecutive yrs told me i m at the same place where i was last yr....but then life is about starting afresh and believeing its not end till its all ok....so i start....and for a change at this point of life...life seems not shitty....i have been throughts shits and i hope i dont run into it again and if its the end i would not be in a shit again and if i m i will wait for that ultimate!
So u too do the same girl :)

Rohan said...

I can so understand what you are going through but u know what the world is such a beautiful place, there are so many nice people around * wink wink*, dont let emotions ruin even one moment of your life.

Had a good time, its over and pachi full stop maarvanu.

Remember ur comment on my blog ?
'Dont u feel like kicking yourself for doing this to yourself ?

Dont you ? Ke khaali tp tp karti ti upar nu statement maari ne ?

Cheers !