There is a million and one things that need my attention. I have my hand in so many pies that 24 hrs too shouldnt be enough to finish it.
Is it an absolute necessity that something small, mundane and crazy remind me of you? Then I come crashing down. Down to the absolute bottom where I want to crawl and just lie and never come out until everything is over.
Why the hell do things flooding back, that too with such vividness that I can feel things all over again? I feel like, in this one year, I have taken a million step but in a circle. I am the same damn place I was last year at this time. No change. Nothing has changed. Not a bit. Circumstances have changed. People have changed. The directions of my emotions have changed too. But the hurt just doesnt go away. It hurt. It healed and then it comes back. I hate this process of feeling things all over again.
The first time shit happens, you can gather yourself, convince yourself that things will be better. But then this fades, truth gets to you. You realise that it has happened again. And then comes, the thought, what if it keeps happening. Over and over and over again. What if it is this crazy thing where every year, this time, this shit will happen...
How do you tell yourself that it will be ok? How do you look forward to the next day? How do you bring yourself to believe in yourself once again?