Confusion, still prevails!

 

 

Wish there was a way to define,
Wish I could lie and say I was fine,
Countless dreams, I hold onto.
Broken now. Unyielding bleeding hands.
Hope glides over and above,
Out of reach, within sight!
Leave what I what I've, do I?
In pursuit of a better day?
Dreams, though broken, are mine.
Love, though unrequited, is true.
To the skies above, I look.
For a sign of what to do.
Look within and not beyond
Is all that I can garner!
Confusion, still prevails.

randomness

There is a million and one things that need my attention. I have my hand in so many pies that 24 hrs too shouldnt be enough to finish it.

Is it an absolute necessity that something small, mundane and crazy remind me of you? Then I come crashing down. Down to the absolute bottom where I want to crawl and just lie and never come out until everything is over.

Why the hell do things flooding back, that too with such vividness that I can feel things all over again? I feel like, in this one year, I have taken a million step but in a circle. I am the same damn place I was last year at this time. No change. Nothing has changed. Not a bit. Circumstances have changed. People have changed. The directions of my emotions have changed too. But the hurt just doesnt go away. It hurt. It healed and then it comes back. I hate this process of feeling things all over again.

The first time shit happens, you can gather yourself, convince yourself that things will be better. But then this fades, truth gets to you. You realise that it has happened again. And then comes, the thought, what if it keeps happening. Over and over and over again. What if it is this crazy thing where every year, this time, this shit will happen...

How do you tell yourself that it will be ok? How do you look forward to the next day? How do you bring yourself to believe in yourself once again?

Where are you?

That whom you seek,
That who is your solace,
Those kind words,
you yearn to hear.

That whom you search
That who calms you
That whose voice
you yearn to hear.

That who you lost
in the craziness of this world
That who you left behind
while running this rat race.

That whom you miss
That whom you wished
you had let of never.
Those sparkling eyes.

Those fingers that once
Entangled yours.
That lips that once
touched yours desirefully.

Does that person
even exist anymore?

The half

We met but for a brief time.
We parted with sorrow sweet.
Promises of once again
Deep within us.

Far away you are.
Close to my heart,
there is, though,
A small piece of you

A half of what you carry,
A half of what you touch
Each day like you
Touched me once.

I hold it close to myself
Trying to relive each moment
Hoping that some day
I will hold you just as close.

That bit of you protects
and cares for me.
Supports me when
I'm down. It is you.

It is what I cling to
When Im scared.
It is what I clench
When I'm afraid. It is you.

One day, finally,
We will be together again
The halves around the necks
Will be one just like us.


Written for OSI

Strangling hope

Hope is what keeps it alive,

hope is what keeps us going,

hate it and blame it,

Hope keeps me coming back.

Hope against hope,

Fighting the tide,

Each time, it surges.

It wounds and kills,

Leaving ghastly scars,

Nurse it wit

ch time.

Take a look at me,

I'm standing here,

Just like I said,

Promises, I've kept

Wonder what it is,

Th

That you cant hea

Despite my pPlease read Disappear by Hoobastank before or after you read this piece of nonsense :)

Hope is what keeps it alive,

hope is what keeps us going,

hate it and blame it,

Hope keeps me coming back.

Hope against hope,

Fighting the tide,

Within me,

Each time, it surges.

It wounds and kills,

Leaving ghastly scars,

Nurse it with love and

Hope, I do each time.

Take a look at me,

I'm standing here,

Just like I said,

Promises, I've kept.

Wonder what it is,

That you cant see,

That you cant hear,

Despite my pleas unsilent.

Throat hoarse,

Hope despaired

Tongue bitten,

Heart still beating.

Walk away only to

Return with hope anew

Care brimming from the top

and hope back in the eyes.

Take a look at me,

I'm standing here,

Just like I said,

Promises, I've kept.

A word of appreciation,

A look of care,

A sigh of relief,

That yes, you are here.

Farewell

As I bid goodbye to you,
I wonder if its a farewell.
I take a step closer,
Kiss you on your cheek
And turn around
To hide my tears-
A futile attempt.

I want you to not leave,
A desire I keep hidden
In the depths of my heart.
I want to run away.
It hurts to see you go
Will you miss me?
I wonder.

I walk with you to check-in
Like on auto-pilot
Emotions overpowering
Mind whirling,
Thoughts running wild
Voice caught in my throat
Hands numb.

Finally, it is time
For the one final hug,
Tears dried, muscles frozen.
You take my face in your hands
"This ain't farewell, just a
See you later". I smile and
Whisper back, "See you later, alligator"

My descent

I slowly begin my descent,

Down back to terra firma.

Lived in fame and glory,

For a time, I call mine.

I'm falling, down and fast.

The fall scares me not,

However.

It reminds me of all,

All the things I lost,

Of the things I gave up,

Of the dreams I shunned

Of people, I left.

The high of the flight

doesnt compare to

The scare of the fall.

Things change.

People move on.

Will you still be there?

I slowly begin my descent,

With hope and belief.

I slowly begin my descent,

Hoping to rise in your eyes.

I slowly begin my descent,

Down back to terra firma.

Lived in fame and glory,

For a time, I call mine.

I'm falling, down and fast.

The fall scares me not,

However.

It reminds me of all,

All the things I lost,

Of the things I gave up,

Of the dreams I shunned

Of people, I left.

The high of the flight

doesnt compare to

The scare of the fall.

Things change.

People move on.

Will you still be there?

I slowly begin my descent,

With hope and belief.

I slowly begin my descent,

Hoping to rise in your eyes.

PS: Sometimes, what you believe to be the heights are nothing but the peak of the loneliness. It is best to fall down, hard, maybe even break and begin all over again.

Submitted for OSI