Somehow my hands didn't shake while I signed those papers but then why was I crying now? It felt like it was over. Final and for sure. I did what was best for him, I thought. I could never. I can't. I just can't take care of him.
So small. So fragile. I cared for him since the first day. How could I let him go? I just had to. Rational decisions are the toughest.
I sat on the chair and stared at the setting sun. And thought of the brief but oh so beautiful days that I spent with him. His first smile. The first time he opened his eyes. Memories and images of him flooded me. How do I get rid of them?
A text message telling me I have an email. That could be a distraction. I log on. This email has an attachment. A picture. Of him. With his adoptive parents. They looked nice. Rich too. He was smiling. Maybe he was happy. He was happy.
Oh wait, didn't I ask them not to send me any updates. Damn! There must have been some goof up. Do I correct them? But then, that would mean never seeing him ever again. I had already decided that I didn't want to be a part of his life anymore but seeing his face melted me. I never wanted to be out of his life.
Yes, keeping him with me was good for him. I have to find a way to be with him without wrecking his life.
No, I wouldn't stalk him!