Written a really long time ago, but weirdly I can still relate to this.
I lay on my bed. Frustrated and flustered. Happiness had left me. All it left was void. An empty place. I tried to fill it with numerous things but all was momentary. I tossed
Immediately, my thoughts turned to him. Him that I had let go. I heard news of him doing well. Getting a lot of praise. Everyone saying he was perfect. Suddenly, I remember what it felt to have him touch me. Just holding hands felt wrong. Eerie. Like it didnt belong. No, I dont regret it. I turn.
My thoughts fly to him. Him that I wish could let go. My stomach churns at the very thought of not loving him anymore. It seems like I have done so forever. My head wheels as I contrast the feelings I have for both. Couldn't be more different. I smile sinisterly. I feel cheap. Like a broken rag doll.
Acute stress, the doctor tells me. I need to relax. The aches and pains are result of my brain. It is all in mind. My mind which isnt mine anymore. Thoughts go on in random fashion. Like a presentation gone haywire. One slide after another with no proper sequence. Memories, dreams, reality, fears all flash one after the other.
Somehow, of all that has eluded me. Pain never has.
Ps: It is fiction. A few posts inspired this :)