Written a really long time ago, but weirdly I can still relate to this.
I lay on my bed. Frustrated and flustered. Happiness had left me. All it left was void. An empty place. I tried to fill it with numerous things but all was momentary. I tossed
Immediately, my thoughts turned to him. Him that I had let go. I heard news of him doing well. Getting a lot of praise. Everyone saying he was perfect. Suddenly, I remember what it felt to have him touch me. Just holding hands felt wrong. Eerie. Like it didnt belong. No, I dont regret it. I turn.
My thoughts fly to him. Him that I wish could let go. My stomach churns at the very thought of not loving him anymore. It seems like I have done so forever. My head wheels as I contrast the feelings I have for both. Couldn't be more different. I smile sinisterly. I feel cheap. Like a broken rag doll.
Acute stress, the doctor tells me. I need to relax. The aches and pains are result of my brain. It is all in mind. My mind which isnt mine anymore. Thoughts go on in random fashion. Like a presentation gone haywire. One slide after another with no proper sequence. Memories, dreams, reality, fears all flash one after the other.
Somehow, of all that has eluded me. Pain never has.
Ps: It is fiction. A few posts inspired this :)
Monday, September 28, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I wanna be a superhero!
It isnt a secret that I want superpowers. Na, I dont want to fly or be invisible (though it would be fun to sneak up on some people in their bedrooms :P) I want to either be able to travel through time and space or be able to read people's mind. I cant decide which.
What will I do with these superpowers is what Cho asked me, tonight! I will blog about it, I told him. He just smirked as usual.
What will I do if I had the ability to read people's minds? I would not have to ask , " So how does this make you feel?" One of the most important question as a psychologist. Ok, jokes apart. I would love to know what people are thinking when I'm talking to them. People can be all nice to you on your face but history has proved that people are anything but nice behind your back. Or at least there are quite a few people like that. I truly, genuinely lack the ability to differentiate between those who love me with all their hearts. Made a zillion mistakes this way. Maybe this will spare my heart some ache.
The second power is more special, at least to me. Not only does it let me travel to any place right now but also into the past and the future. Smart, eh? Place-wise, there are a 100 friends that I would love to visit (1 in particular) There is this one place I would love to go to sleep every and each day but alas that place is really far away from where Im right now. There is this one place I would love to rush to when I hear I miss you. There is this one face I would love to see as soon as I wake up.
Time-wise, I would love to re-live each of the limited time I spent with my mother. Maybe I could tell her to not listen to that stupid doctor and take a second opinion. I would tell those dumb doctors to take the right decision and not the one that killed Pachi (my aunt). I would right so many wrongs made.
I know all the time-space continuum shit but it doesnt cost to dream, does it?
What will I do with these superpowers is what Cho asked me, tonight! I will blog about it, I told him. He just smirked as usual.
What will I do if I had the ability to read people's minds? I would not have to ask , " So how does this make you feel?" One of the most important question as a psychologist. Ok, jokes apart. I would love to know what people are thinking when I'm talking to them. People can be all nice to you on your face but history has proved that people are anything but nice behind your back. Or at least there are quite a few people like that. I truly, genuinely lack the ability to differentiate between those who love me with all their hearts. Made a zillion mistakes this way. Maybe this will spare my heart some ache.
The second power is more special, at least to me. Not only does it let me travel to any place right now but also into the past and the future. Smart, eh? Place-wise, there are a 100 friends that I would love to visit (1 in particular) There is this one place I would love to go to sleep every and each day but alas that place is really far away from where Im right now. There is this one place I would love to rush to when I hear I miss you. There is this one face I would love to see as soon as I wake up.
Time-wise, I would love to re-live each of the limited time I spent with my mother. Maybe I could tell her to not listen to that stupid doctor and take a second opinion. I would tell those dumb doctors to take the right decision and not the one that killed Pachi (my aunt). I would right so many wrongs made.
I know all the time-space continuum shit but it doesnt cost to dream, does it?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Silly silly me!
Time may be a healer,
I know not.
Tomorrow, when I look back,
It may hurt not.
The pangs I feel
In the pit of my stomach
I may feel not.
The way the colour
Runs away from my face,
The way the smile
Is wiped from my lips,
Each time I see you sad,
May happen not.
All I know is that
Today,
I love you.
It hurts to see you sad
It pains to see you pine.
It kills to have you
Not near.
Making a feeble attempt
To get my life back,
Regain my lost glory.
Take a step forward,
Only to take two backward.
Right back to you.
Always and forever,
Back to you, I run!
Time may be a healer,
I know not.
Tomorrow, when I look back,
It may hurt not.
The pangs I feel
In the pit of my stomach
I may feel not.
The way the colour
Runs away from my face,
The way the smile
Is wiped from my lips,
Each time I see you sad,
May happen not.
All I know is that
Today,
I love you.
It hurts to see you sad
It pains to see you pine.
It kills to have you
Not near.
Making a feeble attempt
To get my life back,
Regain my lost glory.
Take a step forward,
Only to take two backward.
Right back to you.
Always and forever,
Back to you, I run!
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Hello World
Hello World seems to be the apt title for this post. Im ready to finally come out of the shell, I had kept myself confined to. I need to write. I need not get the crazy comments or write because I have to but Im back to writing for the reasons that I started.
It is weird how life takes a full circle always. You start off as something innocent and perfectly insane and idealist, then shit happens and you change yourself. Become "mature" and try to protect yourself from the harshness of the world. Then, once again you realise, you miss all the craziness in your life. What we perceive is protecting ourselves is by putting this wall around us. We imagine that no1 can ever hurt us again. But we fail to realise that slowly we start to suffocate within those walls. You open the doors and things come back at an overwhelming speed and then you're left to handle everything that you thought you had left behind.
It aint bad to be vulnerable. It aint bad to be insane. It aint too bad being me.
It is weird how life takes a full circle always. You start off as something innocent and perfectly insane and idealist, then shit happens and you change yourself. Become "mature" and try to protect yourself from the harshness of the world. Then, once again you realise, you miss all the craziness in your life. What we perceive is protecting ourselves is by putting this wall around us. We imagine that no1 can ever hurt us again. But we fail to realise that slowly we start to suffocate within those walls. You open the doors and things come back at an overwhelming speed and then you're left to handle everything that you thought you had left behind.
It aint bad to be vulnerable. It aint bad to be insane. It aint too bad being me.
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