Monday, October 17, 2011

If only she could talk...

Ever since I was little, life has been weird. I felt like the neglected child. Both of us did. My twin sister and I. My earliest memories are being flat and wondering what we were doing there. I was relieved to know that she felt the same. Useless.

Things started changing as soon as we hit puberty. We started getting a lot of attention. Men couldn't get their eyes off us. Sometimes their hands too. Some were slapped and some others kneed. A few were allowed to proceed further. And boy, did that feel good.

Things only got better from there. Well at least in terms of the fun we starting having. It was comforting to know that all the attention was on us. We felt important.

We were a team. We would do everything and I mean everything together. It was awesome to lay there in bed, look at each other and then look at the guy look at us. Indecisive of who he wanted first. Or how he could have both of us together. There were men who would bite, there were the ones that sucked, the ones that gently caressed. We loved the way we moved in unison and also the way perked up together.

We were inseparable. Until the day that one stupid man said that he preferred her over me. I mean she was my identical twin. I could look into the mirror and really not tell us apart. But he did. He preferred her over me. But she would not go on a single date without me. She refused to even go to bed with him without me. Could you believe how weird that was for me? Once in a while I would get a pity squeeze here and there and that would be it. I didn't want it but well, what could I do? Emotionally and maybe even physically, we were pretty much like Siamese twins. I wonder what it would feel to be alone, independent. Without her.

In a way, I suppose I got my wish. She was taken away from me. I saw the butcher's knife come toward her and snatch her away. I wanted to scream and I did. Every inch of me was screaming bloody Mary and I was afraid, oh so afraid. I often wonder what happened. Was it me wishing her away that did this?

I have wrinkled and I no more feel perky and maybe it was because I was alone. Men didn't look at me the way they looked at us. Maybe she was the prettier one or it was the package deal. Twins, the fantasy of every man. There was a sympathetic fuck that loved me the way I was, alone but it was felt incomplete. Her place left a void.  She was replaced with some weird silicone filled cup that didn't even move, forget move in unison like we did. It wasn't her. Years later, I gathered the courage and wondered what had gone wrong. I heard someone say breast cancer one day and finally managed to put two and two together. That's what took her away.



10 comments:

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...

Sad at last...

Anonymous said...

hmmm...
am Amazingly surprised at ur capacity to potray life in such a trueistic manner..

Hats off to u...

by the way (it would b a wonderful write up for a health magazine)

(twitter : @fan_task_tics)

Arv said...

Wonderful writeup to spark a sense of awareness...

*takes a bow*

Freelancer said...

ohkay! THAT WAS QUITE amazing!

Reading you after a long time

Scribbling Gal said...

Wow I sooooo loved this....and girl you are an awesome writer :)
Only you could have written some thing like this for such a great cause :)

Bravo !

crimsonshadows said...

Fabulous piece of writing.

Kaber Vasuki said...

My god, I'm slow. I didn't realize it until the end. Tit, tit.

Anyway. There are few things. First I didn't get the part about the guy preferring one over the other and what it has to do with the cancer. I didn't get the connection between the two.

Also this line. "Was it me wishing her away..". I think if you'd built an incident around it, it would have been more powerful. That idea is kickass. You should have brought it out more.

That's all I have. I like it. What magazine did it come in?

Richa Sharma said...

This post is one of the most powerful piece of writing i ve come across in years. I am proud of you.

Anurag said...

Waoh...Beautiful write up..A sense of realism in there...Very nice :)

Cleo said...

woah! This is brilliant! This should be shared on Breast Cancer awareness Day. I will. :)