There was not a sound in the house. Just the slight humming of the fan above her and the click of the keys on the keyboard when it was her chance to type. She rubbed her neck. She was tired. But she needed to stay away. This, right now, was familiar but when, it would be morning, it would start all over again. There was a tinge of pink on her cheeks. Not from blush, the natural or the made up kind. It was an allergic reaction to all the weird make up her mother was making her wear. She had to look like a bride.
She wondered what that meant. She was a would be bride and everything she did would be what a bride would do. She had never followed any rules. She raced cars in the middle of the night. She smoked like a chimney. This was the longest she had gone without a smoke. She needed a smoke. She couldn't in a house full of people. She couldnt wait to get married and get done with these shenanigans. She continued to ramble on. Then, suddenly said to him, you are the reason for all of this. You bloody had to come and ask my parents for my hand in marriage. We couldn't just run away. Like they could have caught us in my car. Damn you!
He was used to this. He just smiled and said, "I'm taming the lioness."
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Them
I was so excited to meet them both finally. I had spoken to both a couple of hundred times, met them too but individually but meeting them together was something I looked forward to ever since I first noticed their chemistry.
It has been 3 yrs since he called me one morning and told me about this amazing girl he had been speaking to lately. Soon, he introduced us over the internet. One or two conversations later, I realised what he saw in her. She was this amazing girl with a great sense of humour and soon, we became very close.
He was an important person in my life. I had known him forever. He was 5 years elder to me and knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. He was my anchor and the voice of my conscience.
She was an important person in both our lives. She made him happy and that made me happy. They refused to start dating or give name to the relationship they shared. I hoped they would.
I was the one who resolved when they fought, if they ever did. When I called him and he would be talking to her, he would me on conference and I didnt get the opportunity to say even a word. I would be laughing crazy. I loved them.
Today, she was finally in our city. I was going to meet them. Sigh. I couldnt wait. He called me. I am on my way. I asked him where she was. She'll come. I havent spoken to her, he replied.
That was odd, I realised but didnt say anything.
He came in with a somber face. A face I had never seen.
"Did she call you?", he asked.
"No. Why?"
"When did you last speak to her?"
"Before she left, I guess."
"What did she say, then?"
"Why are you saying me all of this? Havent you spoken to her? Dont scare me."
"No. I havent spoken to her."
"What does that mean?"
"That means I havent spoken to her. What is so difficult to understand?" He yelled.
His eyes met mine for just a second. I saw pain in his eyes. I felt my insides churn up. I sat beside him.
"Tell me what happened," I said softly.
"Will you believe me if I said I dont know?"
"Tell me what you know."
"I know we have been fighting a lot and then, one fine day, we stopped talking. We havent in 2 weeks now. I dont know where she is or what she is doing. I dont know if she is coming today. We made this plan ages ago and I was hoping she would keep her word and come here. I was really hoping to meet her here."
I looked at my idol almost break in front of me. I was stunned and didnt know what to do. I was finding words to say something to comfort him.
Suddenly, it seemed like someone was behind us and looked behind.
"Just because we dont speak, doesnt mean this is over," she said with a smile on her face.
It has been 3 yrs since he called me one morning and told me about this amazing girl he had been speaking to lately. Soon, he introduced us over the internet. One or two conversations later, I realised what he saw in her. She was this amazing girl with a great sense of humour and soon, we became very close.
He was an important person in my life. I had known him forever. He was 5 years elder to me and knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. He was my anchor and the voice of my conscience.
She was an important person in both our lives. She made him happy and that made me happy. They refused to start dating or give name to the relationship they shared. I hoped they would.
I was the one who resolved when they fought, if they ever did. When I called him and he would be talking to her, he would me on conference and I didnt get the opportunity to say even a word. I would be laughing crazy. I loved them.
Today, she was finally in our city. I was going to meet them. Sigh. I couldnt wait. He called me. I am on my way. I asked him where she was. She'll come. I havent spoken to her, he replied.
That was odd, I realised but didnt say anything.
He came in with a somber face. A face I had never seen.
"Did she call you?", he asked.
"No. Why?"
"When did you last speak to her?"
"Before she left, I guess."
"What did she say, then?"
"Why are you saying me all of this? Havent you spoken to her? Dont scare me."
"No. I havent spoken to her."
"What does that mean?"
"That means I havent spoken to her. What is so difficult to understand?" He yelled.
His eyes met mine for just a second. I saw pain in his eyes. I felt my insides churn up. I sat beside him.
"Tell me what happened," I said softly.
"Will you believe me if I said I dont know?"
"Tell me what you know."
"I know we have been fighting a lot and then, one fine day, we stopped talking. We havent in 2 weeks now. I dont know where she is or what she is doing. I dont know if she is coming today. We made this plan ages ago and I was hoping she would keep her word and come here. I was really hoping to meet her here."
I looked at my idol almost break in front of me. I was stunned and didnt know what to do. I was finding words to say something to comfort him.
Suddenly, it seemed like someone was behind us and looked behind.
"Just because we dont speak, doesnt mean this is over," she said with a smile on her face.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Beach Beauty
The red ball in the sky,
finally setting.
The red in the cheeks,
never fading.
The laughter, the jest
always around
The hugs, the warmth,
never leaving.
The ocean so blue,
Hearts, oh, so true,
Of the dark skies
running away from goodbyes
and no sand in the shoes.
Return to mundane life,
With hope of sunny days,
Once again, never too soon.
Posted for OSI and ABC Wednesdays - B
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Yes.
Sunday Scribbling asked
This question comes as a very valid point in my life. I can be a very rigid person in life and have to start saying "Yes" to new experiences. I need to start taking criticisms in my stride and not be so sensitive to them.
On the other hand, I need not say "Yes" to everything. My major issue is that I agree to anything and everything and then, when I cant handle everything, I tend to quit. Come on my hands are small and if I overload them, things are bound to fall down. I need to learn to pick the right things and give it my best.
I need to be ok to failure but I should atleast try. I shouldn't give up just like that. Just yesterday, I told a friend to not let me quit my current endeavor. Though I am sure he is going to come up with frustrating ways to motivate me, I will try my best to stick to this thing.
I need to say "Yes" to difficulty, to challenges. Nothing is easy. Nothing worthwhile atleast. Let me fight for this. Or else how would I be able to tell life, " Lets see what else you got. Bring it on"
What are you saying yes to in your life? What have you said yes to that changed your life? How has yes been a part of your year so far? Do you practice yes or no? Maybe there is something you need to not say yes to. What writing comes to you from yes?
This question comes as a very valid point in my life. I can be a very rigid person in life and have to start saying "Yes" to new experiences. I need to start taking criticisms in my stride and not be so sensitive to them.
On the other hand, I need not say "Yes" to everything. My major issue is that I agree to anything and everything and then, when I cant handle everything, I tend to quit. Come on my hands are small and if I overload them, things are bound to fall down. I need to learn to pick the right things and give it my best.
I need to be ok to failure but I should atleast try. I shouldn't give up just like that. Just yesterday, I told a friend to not let me quit my current endeavor. Though I am sure he is going to come up with frustrating ways to motivate me, I will try my best to stick to this thing.
I need to say "Yes" to difficulty, to challenges. Nothing is easy. Nothing worthwhile atleast. Let me fight for this. Or else how would I be able to tell life, " Lets see what else you got. Bring it on"
Friday, January 22, 2010
Chiplun and back
So I'm back again from an amazing trip to Chiplun. I will write all about the trip, things I did there with pictures when my sister uploads them. But there are a million things that I learnt on this trip.
Chiplun is this small sleepy town. Driving there is great fun and is an ideal rest stop between Goa and Mumbai. Now that the advertisement for that is over.. I had the weirdest time there. I had a lot of time to think and generally is not a good thing.
Coming back to the things I learnt, I realised what it means to be close to your family. What it meant rather. People grow up and go to different corners of the world but something back home pulls you all together once a year. My uncle narrated all his childhood stories to me. Generally, I get bored with such stuff but I was damn interested to know what is it that one call from the matriarch and the extended family came from all corners of the country even if it was for a couple of hours.
While driving around in Chiplun, I realised that the stories I heard from my grandparents of how they walked for miles to go to school werent exactly the stories of the past. Till today, there are children who walk God knows how much to get to school.
Makes me wonder of which bubble do I live in? The bubble where everything is simple, easy. Where money talks volumes. What do I value? And why?
Joys in life are simple. Like 3 days of heaven by the beach with friends. Like 2 days spent with a 2yr old running around calling me Maushi (aunt). When did this life become a rat race?
More importantly, how do I get where I want to? How do I keep myself intact? How I prevent myself from getting lost?
This was supposed to be a happy post about happy times. But there is something about being back that comforting yet unsettling. I promise to come back with happy post with happy pictures of my days there. Loads of beaches and beautiful scenery!
Chiplun is this small sleepy town. Driving there is great fun and is an ideal rest stop between Goa and Mumbai. Now that the advertisement for that is over.. I had the weirdest time there. I had a lot of time to think and generally is not a good thing.
Coming back to the things I learnt, I realised what it means to be close to your family. What it meant rather. People grow up and go to different corners of the world but something back home pulls you all together once a year. My uncle narrated all his childhood stories to me. Generally, I get bored with such stuff but I was damn interested to know what is it that one call from the matriarch and the extended family came from all corners of the country even if it was for a couple of hours.
While driving around in Chiplun, I realised that the stories I heard from my grandparents of how they walked for miles to go to school werent exactly the stories of the past. Till today, there are children who walk God knows how much to get to school.
Makes me wonder of which bubble do I live in? The bubble where everything is simple, easy. Where money talks volumes. What do I value? And why?
Joys in life are simple. Like 3 days of heaven by the beach with friends. Like 2 days spent with a 2yr old running around calling me Maushi (aunt). When did this life become a rat race?
More importantly, how do I get where I want to? How do I keep myself intact? How I prevent myself from getting lost?
This was supposed to be a happy post about happy times. But there is something about being back that comforting yet unsettling. I promise to come back with happy post with happy pictures of my days there. Loads of beaches and beautiful scenery!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Educated..?
So this year began with the 3 idiots controversy. Promoting ragging, raising questions about education system of our country and what not.
I really dont have anything to say about the ragging issue, considering I have never been ragged (touch wood) but I can talk about our education system especially post graduate studies. Till you complete your bachelors, it is almost smooth sailing, things just fall into place. Mostly because you dont have much choice about it. You are sure that you gotta enroll in a good college after SSC and then, maybe engineering, medical or some other professional course or you stick to your college and finish your Bachelors. Atleast thats what I did. It was simple.
I got a decent percent in my SSC and hence, got through every college I applied. I chose the best out of the alternatives and 5 yrs later, I graduated. But then, somehow felt that Masters was the next logical choice. Never did I once think whether I really want to do this. I knew I wasn't ready to plunge into the big bad world and no1 would give me a decent job.
But, a few months into the Masters, I realised that this wasn't for me. I was learning nothing new. I was doing my Masters in Industrial Psychology and ALL of my teachers were Clinical or Counseling Psychologist. I understand that the field hasnt got on in India but I felt so lost. I don't claim to know more than my teachers. But my internships plus the amazing NIMHANS conference I had attended convinced me that I was learning nothing that was of value. More over, I was covering the same topics I had done in the past 5 years.
It did not help that the college was totally mismanaged. I rather not say much about the college until I get my certificates back but my stress levels were skyrocketing while I was there...
Today, Im at home, trying to figure things out. What do I want to do? Though, I would like to think that my parents are happy that I didn't end up doing something I would eventually hate but that is not true. They try to be supportive I know it but I guess they are worried too. What about my future? They tell me, find a job, keep yourself busy. I agree. So I'm trying to find me a job. But I guess I decided to be clueless at a very wrong time.
What I'm trying to say is that education should be a choice, an informed choice. To be stuck in a wrong career can be so frustrating. We are in a world where there are a million and one choices, a world where innovation and ingenuity are rewarded. We have so many examples of people who dared to be different and go on the road less travelled or paved a path for themselves. Then, why are we still wanting people to go on the same conventional paths? Doing something is ok but for the neighbour's kids. Not mine.
I do understand that it is more difficult for the men. If the girls are "allowed" to take up certain courses, boys are questioned of how they plan to feed their family if they dont earn. When did money become the sole reason to do things? So many questions unanswered. I guess, it lies within us. Tomorrow we shall be parents and it depends on what we ask of our children.
I really dont have anything to say about the ragging issue, considering I have never been ragged (touch wood) but I can talk about our education system especially post graduate studies. Till you complete your bachelors, it is almost smooth sailing, things just fall into place. Mostly because you dont have much choice about it. You are sure that you gotta enroll in a good college after SSC and then, maybe engineering, medical or some other professional course or you stick to your college and finish your Bachelors. Atleast thats what I did. It was simple.
I got a decent percent in my SSC and hence, got through every college I applied. I chose the best out of the alternatives and 5 yrs later, I graduated. But then, somehow felt that Masters was the next logical choice. Never did I once think whether I really want to do this. I knew I wasn't ready to plunge into the big bad world and no1 would give me a decent job.
But, a few months into the Masters, I realised that this wasn't for me. I was learning nothing new. I was doing my Masters in Industrial Psychology and ALL of my teachers were Clinical or Counseling Psychologist. I understand that the field hasnt got on in India but I felt so lost. I don't claim to know more than my teachers. But my internships plus the amazing NIMHANS conference I had attended convinced me that I was learning nothing that was of value. More over, I was covering the same topics I had done in the past 5 years.
It did not help that the college was totally mismanaged. I rather not say much about the college until I get my certificates back but my stress levels were skyrocketing while I was there...
Today, Im at home, trying to figure things out. What do I want to do? Though, I would like to think that my parents are happy that I didn't end up doing something I would eventually hate but that is not true. They try to be supportive I know it but I guess they are worried too. What about my future? They tell me, find a job, keep yourself busy. I agree. So I'm trying to find me a job. But I guess I decided to be clueless at a very wrong time.
What I'm trying to say is that education should be a choice, an informed choice. To be stuck in a wrong career can be so frustrating. We are in a world where there are a million and one choices, a world where innovation and ingenuity are rewarded. We have so many examples of people who dared to be different and go on the road less travelled or paved a path for themselves. Then, why are we still wanting people to go on the same conventional paths? Doing something is ok but for the neighbour's kids. Not mine.
I do understand that it is more difficult for the men. If the girls are "allowed" to take up certain courses, boys are questioned of how they plan to feed their family if they dont earn. When did money become the sole reason to do things? So many questions unanswered. I guess, it lies within us. Tomorrow we shall be parents and it depends on what we ask of our children.
Saturday, January 09, 2010
Whats the colour of your bra today?
By now we must be done discussing the bra colour of women all over Facebook but did anyone stop to ask why so many women actually went ahead and changed their status msg? It is simple to do so, no doubt. But is it really? Openly declaring something that most girls are looking to hide.
Personally I have lost someone to breast cancer and I, for one will do anything I can to promote this cause, even if it means doing something really meaningless. But the question now shouldn't be what did it mean to change the status msg but what now?
One thing achieved was that it least got people talking about the cause. Will it get women to go to the doctor and get themselves tested? Maybe not. But it opened conversational lines. It got me to write this post.
It is easy to say that it was an armchair activism. But something is better than nothing. I don't have money to donate but I can ask every woman I know to get themselves tested periodically. It is the same thing like sporting the pink ribbon. Nothing really comes off it but it makes people talk. More the people talk, more the awareness, less the stigma.
I aint defending the entire act of JUST changing your status msg, but it will be futile if it is JUST that. People can criticize each and every thing. But a few people can make it bigger than what it is. Make it something worthwhile.
More information on Breast Cancer : http://www.breastcancer.org/
To support the cause: http://shop.thebreastcancersite.com/
Edit: Women have always put the health of their family before their own health. It is so damn important to go for regular check ups. There is breast cancer and now, cervical cancer which can be detected at early stages by going for regular check ups. How many women you know do it? Would they do it every 3 months? Would they care if the 1st 4 tests came negative? Wouldn't they stop going then? If they aren't making this their priority, they make it your priority. Trust, you would be kicking yourself (touch wood) when something happens!
Personally I have lost someone to breast cancer and I, for one will do anything I can to promote this cause, even if it means doing something really meaningless. But the question now shouldn't be what did it mean to change the status msg but what now?
One thing achieved was that it least got people talking about the cause. Will it get women to go to the doctor and get themselves tested? Maybe not. But it opened conversational lines. It got me to write this post.
It is easy to say that it was an armchair activism. But something is better than nothing. I don't have money to donate but I can ask every woman I know to get themselves tested periodically. It is the same thing like sporting the pink ribbon. Nothing really comes off it but it makes people talk. More the people talk, more the awareness, less the stigma.
I aint defending the entire act of JUST changing your status msg, but it will be futile if it is JUST that. People can criticize each and every thing. But a few people can make it bigger than what it is. Make it something worthwhile.
More information on Breast Cancer : http://www.breastcancer.org/
To support the cause: http://shop.thebreastcancersite.com/
Edit: Women have always put the health of their family before their own health. It is so damn important to go for regular check ups. There is breast cancer and now, cervical cancer which can be detected at early stages by going for regular check ups. How many women you know do it? Would they do it every 3 months? Would they care if the 1st 4 tests came negative? Wouldn't they stop going then? If they aren't making this their priority, they make it your priority. Trust, you would be kicking yourself (touch wood) when something happens!
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