The girl with the book.

"It has been a while since I have been here," he said.
"I see," she replied, not looking up from the book she was reading, knowing very well where all this was going.
"It is loud in here, isn't it?" he asked, not giving up.
"What do you expect in a pub?"
"I definitely wasn't expecting a girl to be reading."
"We are quite persuasive, aren't we?"
"I would call myself, hopeful. As as Hume says, 'A propensity to hope and joy is real riches; one to fear and sorrow real poverty.'"
She smiled, as she put down her book.

(Boy o boy, I am a little rusty with the writing bit)

Written for 3WW : Loud, Persuasive, Riches.

Home is where the heart is and my heart belongs to you, Bombay!

The sights and sounds that make home. I don't love Bombay because it is the "city of dreams" or the "city that never sleeps" but because it is home. Simple as that.

The dust, the heat, the traffic and above all, the hordes of people all that make this city special. I don't know why so people come here but I do know why I find it so difficult to leave. Family and friends.

Independence is one thing but the idea of everything taking care of itself is awesome. The someone to run to each day or of hot dinner waiting for you, I yearn for while I'm away.

School friends, college friends, twitter friends, just friends (origin unknown). Meeting all of them in just a week is impossible. I've to break someone's heart each time. (Pompous eh?) I keep saying I'll be back for 2 months (summer break). But I doubt I'll meet them then as well. I will have an internship that might require me to be running around the city. But everything is just an excuse. I just don't want to miss this comfort when I am away. 


People don't understand the reason for me to choose the window seat in the aircraft. The reason is simple. That first sight of my city. Those lights, blinding lights. Just the feeling of I am home. Where everything is familiar and everything is mine.

Today, once again I pack my bag. Wondering if I can reschedule my ticket, I know I'll be back soon finding every small excuse. Because I leave my heart here.

Bloggers unite.

Seen Marley and me? 101 dalmatians? And the best (worst?) of them all, Hachiko?

Even if you haven't, you won't dispute with the fact that dogs are man's best friend. It is sad that the one true living being that would actually do anything for you, gets 0 respect and love from you.

I love dogs. I do. I think there are the best things all planet on Earth. The most genuine and loving. So it breaks my heart that I can't do anything for them. Not much until I have my own money and house.

But now, I have the perfect opportunity. Mumbai Twestival is organizing a meet up. It is on 24th of March. This year we are supporting Welfare of Street Dogs. I can truly vouch for their work. Brilliant and awesome. Read about them, here. If you want to help, let me know. On Fb, on twitter, anywhere.

Things you can do :

1. Donate : Go to http://bit.ly/givemumbai
2. Come for the event. Details on our fb page soon. (Click on it)
3. Get us some sponsors.
4. Blog about it and win prizes. (Read about it here)
5. Follow us on twitter @mumtwestival
6. Like our fb page.
7. Spread the word like wildfire. (There are prizes to be won)

It is crazy that some people when I asked to help out, they said that they rather help the 2 legged creatures than the 4 legged. My immediate response is why? Who are we to decide that humans are more deserving of help? I get it, you don't want to help. I can't force you. Dogs aren't a cause you feel strongly about. Fine. But more deserving is what pisses me off. Truly. Crazily.

road to recovery

That thing that you just can't let go of. That piece of cloth, that book, that piece of paper, that stub of a ticket. Pieces and glimpses of the past that you hold onto.

Things that you can't let go of. Ideas that occupy your mind. Dreams that flood your thoughts. Memories that possess you. How worthy of your present are they? How worthy of your time today are they?

Wonder why I am thinking of it but I just am. The slideshow in my head is not yet fixed and it throws up images in seeming weird chronological order. It jumps from an era to another and the feelings that it brings with it are just as poignant and vivid as they were at that point in time.

Things that happened years ago. The disgust that I felt, the pain I experienced, everything is the same. It just feels like I am watching someone's pain and I am empathizing. It ain't me. It is someone else.  I can only imagine that this is what the road of recovery looks like. This road has the most sucky scenery.

Multitask much?

At this precise moment, I have my notes open, I have the cricket match on, I have twitter on, I am chatting with a friend via text messages and with another via BBM. I think there might be a lag of a second or 2 in my response time, otherwise, I am really good at multitasking.

Soon 3g shall be common in India and if the reliance Ad is to be believed, I will be able to "mix my worlds". For a compulsive multitasker like me, it is good news eh?

Now, that just makes me wonder. I was writing an exam that day. 2 hr long. The idea of not doing anything but writing an answer after another is scary. I need to be constantly bombarded with information. I need multiple things to need my attention. I strive on such chaos. In the exam hall, I sing to myself to keep me distracted. I make plans in my head and sometimes, even have conversations. (Yeah, I might be schizo)

But I wonder if it is just me. It is something that I do because of my habits (hence, I can change it) or is it my personality (Will need hard work but changable) or do many of us face this (still changable but a lot of changes will have to be made). What do you think? What is it?

Pain is addictive

An old acrostic. (What is an acrostic? Read this)

Part of me, it is now.

An indestructible part,

Indifferent, I have become,

Nonetheless, to your presence.

I am no longer me.

Slave to pain, the feeling of being alive.

Alive from the passive death.

Death, the slow death from the pain

Death, unlike the death of my happiness.

It is not unlike the blood flowing from a

Cut on my arm. Painful. But

Therapeutic. It screams aloud,

I'm alive. Unlike my broken heart

Veins throb. I revel in 

Elixir of life: Pain.

Self injury is a serious issue. Read this first hand account.

Ranting no. god knows what.

Adjusting and being assertive. Both serve different purposes and we have to behave in different ways depending on the situation.

I have learnt this the bitter way that I am assertive, almost bordering on being aggressive with a few and there are times that I am a total pushover. That is it, I say. I do as I want and I shall compromise when I want.

If you are not adjusting, neither shall I be because I can bend but not if I think that I will break. Enough.

Dearest parents.

Dearest parents of children of any age,

Please read this with an open mind and though you might not agree with me, I bet your children do.

1. Your child is not stupid. (S)He has a brain and it functions really well.

2. Your child is not a robot. (S)he doesn’t work on batteries and hence, you cannot control her/him.

3. Your child is perceptive and knows you better than you know her/him.

4. Your child is an individual. Please learn to respect her/his individuality

 

Today I was a part of a seminar that spoke about the role of parents in imparting value education to children. I can’t believe the things that I heard. Parents were talking of kids being deviant because of excessive use of mobile phones? Like, serious? That is why you call your child a deviant?

Not, was the concept of deviance pretty weird, the definition of value too was misconstrued. Apparently, wearing a sari to a college reunion shows how valued you are. So, I kill people, I bribe my way to the top, I drive drunk and maybe I steal but if I wear a sari, I have my values in place.

According to the woman presenting, (And here, I shall quote her exact words), “Recent studies show that 45% of children in the age group of 12-17 have had alcohol, at least once. What is more surprising is that girls TOO have a drink.”

This another parent (father) stands up and says, “The major problem here, is that we are bad role models for our kids. (I agree) We drink and smoke in front of them and we expect them not to. (Again, I agree) Whatever you want to do, do it 5 km away from your house (SAY WHAAAT?) My job doesn’t let me quit drinking and smoking. (He is a cigarette and alcohol tester/taster?) So I don’t do any of those in front of my children.”

Well, good for you, sir because your kids will probably never do the same in front of you and you shall die an ignorant man.

Seriously, what twisted concept is this? Children are NOT stupid. We know when to approach our parents when we want something. We know how to sense their moods. Hell, my 2 yr. old cousin can do that, so imagine what your 10-yr. old can figure out.

I am 22. And till today, my greatest fear is to let my dad down. But I know for a fact that if I screw up (And God knows, I do that a lot), he may be disappointed in me for a while, but it doesn’t change his love and affection for me. And that gives me the courage to approach him when I am in trouble. It is scary to tell him but yet reassuring. He might not fix it but he will definitely understand.

Also, (almost) every child is rebellious. Sometimes it is a phase and sometimes a characteristic. But we all like to try out things. Most children have tried a smoke and a drink. That doesn’t change their value system. It is in this rebellious phase that kids need the trust and faith of the parents. Otherwise, the child is going to one scared individual, unable to take any kind of risk.

Last thing, (I suppose and hope) every parent wants the child to be independent and not get swayed by peer pressure. This independence, most often starts by the kid challenging your authority. The moment your child asks you why does he have to follow your orders, that is the day to celebrate. That day, he shuns all external control and becomes an individual. How you react to it will decide whether your child shall think for himself or be under external control throughout his life.

I am very glad that I attend this seminar, I would have never been able to appreciate my dad and my grandparents.

Letting Go!

Some days, she wished she could let go.

Jump in the deep blue ocean and just let go.

Why is it so difficult to follow the rules?

I would hardly call myself, a rule follower. But I am not stupid. If something is for my benefit, I will do it, irrespective of whether it is rule or law. I wear a helmet while riding my scooty. I carry it around almost everywhere I go even though it is a mild convenience. I wear it even when my friend rides it and I sit behind. Hey, just because she is riding doesn't mean I can't get hurt.

But whenever I do so, my classmates make weird jokes of how I wear a helmet when I am riding just a scooty. I mean, come on. Thankfully, I don't know enough Tamil to get the jokes and have a head upon my shoulders to know how to switch things off. But I get it. I know why people are careless, even though they know better. I know why they choose to gamble than be safe. I know.

No title

I knew I shouldn't have done it. When every cell of my body was wanting to go the other way, I still went ahead. I didn't listen to my instincts and look where it has got me. It is easy for me to cut people out. But this hurts, like it has never hurt before. Who knew I could get hurt? Why did I trust? When I could see all the signs, when it frustrated me so much right from the start, why did I still go ahead with it? Why did I expect otherwise? Why did I think it would not go the way I had thought? I definitely didn't think it would end this way. I thought I was being cynical, the crazy one, the one that thought too much, when all I got in return was affection. I thought I was the one that couldn't adjust, the one that couldn't bring myself to feel the same way. This is all my fault. I knew it right from the beginning and still went ahead it. How could I have let myself flow with these stupid feelings? Never again. Never ever again will I be so vulnerable.

You know what sucks? That I know that this is exactly what is going on in your head and I can do absolutely nothing about it. I know you too well. I know you well enough to know that staying away from you and letting you think all this is probably for your best. But everytime I pass by that road, I see the places that we went to, I think of you and us. It probably is never meant to be but the fact that you think all that was a lie hurts a lot. I hope you never read this. I hope you know how I feel. Because in your anger is your healing.

Who is to blame?

I had my first penology class today (Oh yeah, that is what my subject is called). It is basically the study of curbing of crime and criminal behaviour in a society.

So while discussing theories of punishment, Professor asks who is to blame for the fact that most crime goes unpunished. Easily all of us, starts with the Law enforcement. Funny how it is easy to blame others for everything. Most crime infact is hidden crime, meaning it never gets reported in the first place.

I know the Indian judicial system leaves a lot to be desired but then, we are a part of it too. It is upto us to set the ball rolling. Don't be afraid to report crimes and be witnesses. Push your cases further and DON'T BRIBE.

I believe that when we bribe, we lose our right to complain about corruption. When I pay Rs. 20 to a traffic hawaldar, I really can't complain about umpteen crores being swindled by someone. I was a part of it and I can't complain.

Of not too long ago.

I have been looking at pictures of little more than a year ago. I wanna go back. Not to that place or the time but to that frame of mind. Of the non-muddled self. Of the confidence and of the craziness. Of the surety and the self belief. Of the "bring it on" attitude.

I hate this helplessness, this apathy and this lethargy I have brought upon myself. It is a phase and this is too will be over. But I am afraid, it won't be over soon enough.

Get done with it already.

Dearest reflection in the Mirror

Dearest reflection in the mirror,

I know we have a long way to go before we look "perfect" but I look you nonetheless. This year is dedicated to you :) I promise.


Love,
Me on the other side of the mirror.


(Finally a return to the letter tag. This year I shall complete all my pending projects)

Round up of 2010.

10. Letter to life >  http://goo.gl/uzHmI 


To life and what I think of it. Perfect to start the new year. Wonder if I followed what I wrote last year.


9. Take a chance > http://goo.gl/MhCRw


A plea that was meant to someone else but now, I think I should say this to me, this year around.


8. Title-less > http://goo.gl/el3wg


When bomb blasts affect you.


7. Dearest Aunty in the bus > http://goo.gl/IRe2Y


From a brash youth to the senior citizen.


6. Does she have a story? > http://goo.gl/KR7qe


What I felt when I saw an old lady begging on the street.


5. Schizophrenic > http://goo.gl/Q54lL


Schizophrenic. Yes, schizophrenic and happy.


4. You, in Chennai > http://goo.gl/GOUGm


Let's give our relationship a best shot. I am here for just 2 years, anyhow. 


3. Sweet child of mine > http://goo.gl/3B2rj


What does losing a child mean?


2. If tomorrow never comes > http://goo.gl/laB0q


Not just another what if...


1. What if? > http://goo.gl/OipOp


I rather not say anything about this. But one of post that I am proud of, the most.