Await the doom.

Up and down, round and about,
here, there and everywhere -
these are some of places,
my mood has been.

Awaiting a crash,
A turn to changes things back.
Perfect to turn to imperfectly me.

Things are scary, especially when
they are going your way.
Where's the catch?
I wonder.

That dark figure looming somewhere,
Waiting to jump from the corners.
When will I wake from this dream?

You dream and you pray
And then it comes true.
What then?

How do you enjoy when
you know it will end?
How do you know that
it won't?

Things don't last.
Dreams don't happen.
It will end.

Await the doom.

Apparent Talent

That cobwebed easel in the corner,

The guitar that sits collecting dust,

Shears that lay abandoned in the mud,

she looks at them one by one

with eyes of want.

A talent, an apparent one,

the one to show off,

the one to celebrate,

to win laurels and all that.

She want one, one of those,

She sits on the floor,

staring at each of them,

wondering if they'll ever talk back.

She stops, picks up a pen and

writes her feelings off. 

PS : Thanks, M and Vishesh for making sure I write. 

Rollercoaster ride

That roller coaster ride,
making my stomach churn.
I want to get off.
STOP IT, I scream.
The voice caught in my throat.
I get dizzy. The ride goes on.
I can't take it. STOP it.
Sweat pours down.
I hear the happy screams of others.
Why can't I enjoy it?
Someday, I will get used to it all.
The ups won't be so up anymore,
Nor will the downs be so down.
Someday, I will get used to this,
This roller coaster ride called life.

My sweet friend wrote a poem and this is what I replied with. :)

That is the only thing I can say for now. Started with aerobics and I am going to die.

Pain is addictive

An old acrostic. (What is an acrostic? Read this)

Part of me, it is now.

An indestructible part,

Indifferent, I have become,

Nonetheless, to your presence.

I am no longer me.

Slave to pain, the feeling of being alive.

Alive from the passive death.

Death, the slow death from the pain

Death, unlike the death of my happiness.

It is not unlike the blood flowing from a

Cut on my arm. Painful. But

Therapeutic. It screams aloud,

I'm alive. Unlike my broken heart

Veins throb. I revel in 

Elixir of life: Pain.

Self injury is a serious issue. Read this first hand account.

The parasite.

The parasite latches on and grows,
Slowly digging into the core,
Taking, giving and changing,
until you recognise yourself, not.

You love the symbiosis,
the mutual feeding off.
Can't imagine life without,
Until you recognise them, not.

Remind you, I must,
A parasite is just a parasite,
Takes more than it gives,
Destroys more than nurtures.

It will end one day, when,
Anymore you can't give.
Empty and devoid, you shall be,
Exhausted and alone.

A parasites need a core to live,
Yours or somebody else's.
Special you aren't,
Just another empty core.

True Friend

Loneliness- you never left my side,

From me you never did hide.

Whether did surge or ebb the tide,

By me you always lied.

Whether alone or not,

Your presence has never been in doubt.

Whether spring or fall,

You have been with me through it all.

Whether a smile or frown,

You have been always around.

Whether life was up or down,

You never did me renoun,

True, whatever turns did life take,

You are a friend unfake.

Then how am I alone, how am I lonely?

Written on Tuesday, October 11, 2005. (I was 17 then) 

Posted for OSI

Take a chance

Is it me or is it you or is it just us?
If the love were strong,
Why do we into stupid fights, digress.
Each cuts a little deeper,
Each fight making me wonder,
Of whether it is meant to be.

I wish there was a way to know,
The direction of wind to blow.
I wonder and wish, I knew
How things would end.
A happily ever after or
a broken heart to mend.

There isn't a way around,
A fair chance we have to give,
Win or lose, time shall tell.
Forever we shall achieve,
if today is what we steal.
All I am asking you, today is,
Take a chance on me.

Crazy as it might sound,
Crazy as I might be,
Insecure and at times, maybe,
Unworthy of it too.
With faults of another,
Let's take a chance on us?

Let's grow up

No more crazy adventures,
No more stupid risks,
No more princesses,
Let's grow up, shall we?

No more being unrestrained,
No more being careless,
No more being trusting,
Let's face the truth, shall we?

Not everyone is harmless,
Not everyone is truthful,
Not everyone is nice,
Let's live in this world, shall we?

Some people care,
Some people love,
Some people deserve,
Let's love them, shall we?

In your shoes!

Caught in my own webs,

Wearing rose-tinted glasses,

Seeing the world,

As I want to see it.

Everyone can see,

The truth, the reality

Why can't I see the world

the way it is?

People I adore, 

People I love,

People that mean 

the world to me.

People that I feign interest in!

What do they mean 

if I can't see the world,

atleast, from their eyes!

Walk a mile in their shoes,

Adjust, change, let go!

The friends, the lovers,

Family and the rest.

See the world as they might,

Look beyond what you can see

The world exists for you and me. 

For us, if you choose, for it to be,

Of the things I want...

I'm not what I was
I'm not what I will be.
I'm not what I am
with you with anyone else.

You're not what you were
You're not what you will be
You're special to me
just as I hope, I'm to you.

Will you change with me?
Will you hold my hand,
every step of the way?
Will you be there?

Will you accept me the way I'm?
Will you change things
you don't like?
Will you be there always?

I expect no fairtale.
I expect no smooth sailing.
I do expect tender loving care
And a happily ever after.

I want to fight with you.
I want to argue with you.
I want to send you to the couch.
I want to love you.

Fool

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 9; the ninth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I know it and yet,

I choose to be me.

I know that rainbows

and unicorns exist.

And you may laugh

at me for thinking so.

I know it and yet, 

I choose to believe

in myself and my beliefs.

I know it and yet,

I choose to be me.

I know that life 

is lovely and easy.

And you may scoff

at me for thinking so.

I know it and yet,

I choose to live

like I would live, forever.

I know it and yet,

I choose to be me.

I know of the world

and of it's crooked ways.

And yet, I choose to be.

I know of you

and your devious mind,

the cruel intentions,

And yet, I choose to be

Just another fool.

The knack of defiance,

The norms that I shun,

With my heart on my sleeve

and head on my shoulders,

I proclaim, myself to be,

Just another fool!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Your best face on

Take a deep breath
Put your best face on.
Plaster a smile
and cover the deep sorrow.
Hide the confusion.
What is truly within you,
let them not see.

Wonder what it is,
that masks us all.
The deep-rooted fear
or the questions unsure.
Who is it that you don't trust?
The heart that loves
or the soul that cares?

Within you each reside,
the fear and the love.
Within you each reside
the happiness and sorrow.
Each one comes in spurts
when expected the least.
When I cannot assure,
Say this, I must though,
They will come indeed

What you mean to me?

Happiness dont impress me much
Its a nice place to be
Sadness is uncomfortable
It inspires.

Yet, now, I look
Everywhere, at everything
For something, for someone
to inspire me.

I lost it, when
I lost you.
My penchant for
anything fine.

I wrote when with you,
I fought
I wrote when with you
I made sweet love.

I wrote always for you
Now, without you, there is
No-one to fight, no-one to love
There is no inspiration.

The desperation,
The frustration,
The inspiration I craved,
Numbness has been paved.

Whatever prevailed
Whatever it was
It is no longer there
Just a void that you left.

Come back to fight
Come back in sight
Come back in my life
Come back, be my wife.

I loved you, I still do.
Selfish you were, still are.
I loved you, without a care.
You loved me, just as a muse.

Your penchant is lost
Took it with me, it seems
But it is that you miss.
Coz without it, you are in a fix.

Life is incomplete
without inspiration.
Is that all I mean
To thee?

Without me,
Your words lose meaning
With you,
My existance begins waning.

Come back to fight?
Come back in sight?
If just you had asked me to
Come back to love!

Ps: Just in case I have to explain this, the first part is the guy talking and the next part is spoken by the girl!

I hope no more explanation is needed! :)

I lost myself

This place I used to

Once call mine.

This life, I used to

Once call mine.

What belonged to me,

Doesnt anymore!

Places and things

Infested with memories,

Memories of you, of us.

Of times spent in

Arms of you.

Everywhere I go,

I lose myself

In a time, when

you were here.

I lose myself

In a place, when

we were one.

This place I used to

Once call mine.

This life, I used to

Once call mine.

Vanity is the price,

I paid for love.

A price I regret not.

I'm me, no longer.

What was mine,

is mine, no longer.

I lost myself

when I found you.

Lost or found?

Standing in front of the mirror,

I look, I wonder,

Has something really changed?

I talk and try to understand

What people have to say,

Have I truly changed?

So much that people

Recognise me no longer?

Used to be you,

No longer as you were,

Is all I hear over and over again.

Is it really so?

What and who has changed?

I feel and think no different,

Maybe people perceive different?

There has lot that has change,

I disagree with it not.

Part of growing up,

Have I lost what I used to be?

Or is it that I found what I'm?

Did I lose the uniqueness?

Did I find the calmness?

Did I mature? Or

Did I just lose my innocence?

Each day, this confusion grows.

Answers I seek, but none I find.

Muddled and confused,

Ignore everything, should I?

Questions are aplenty,

Answers, none.

I am what I am today,

I was what I was, yesterday.

I shall change throughout

and so shall you.

I shall evolve and with me,

Maybe you will too.

Confusion, still prevails!

 

 

Wish there was a way to define,
Wish I could lie and say I was fine,
Countless dreams, I hold onto.
Broken now. Unyielding bleeding hands.
Hope glides over and above,
Out of reach, within sight!
Leave what I what I've, do I?
In pursuit of a better day?
Dreams, though broken, are mine.
Love, though unrequited, is true.
To the skies above, I look.
For a sign of what to do.
Look within and not beyond
Is all that I can garner!
Confusion, still prevails.

The half

We met but for a brief time.
We parted with sorrow sweet.
Promises of once again
Deep within us.

Far away you are.
Close to my heart,
there is, though,
A small piece of you

A half of what you carry,
A half of what you touch
Each day like you
Touched me once.

I hold it close to myself
Trying to relive each moment
Hoping that some day
I will hold you just as close.

That bit of you protects
and cares for me.
Supports me when
I'm down. It is you.

It is what I cling to
When Im scared.
It is what I clench
When I'm afraid. It is you.

One day, finally,
We will be together again
The halves around the necks
Will be one just like us.


Written for OSI

Strangling hope

Hope is what keeps it alive,

hope is what keeps us going,

hate it and blame it,

Hope keeps me coming back.

Hope against hope,

Fighting the tide,

Each time, it surges.

It wounds and kills,

Leaving ghastly scars,

Nurse it wit

ch time.

Take a look at me,

I'm standing here,

Just like I said,

Promises, I've kept

Wonder what it is,

Th

That you cant hea

Despite my pPlease read Disappear by Hoobastank before or after you read this piece of nonsense :)

Hope is what keeps it alive,

hope is what keeps us going,

hate it and blame it,

Hope keeps me coming back.

Hope against hope,

Fighting the tide,

Within me,

Each time, it surges.

It wounds and kills,

Leaving ghastly scars,

Nurse it with love and

Hope, I do each time.

Take a look at me,

I'm standing here,

Just like I said,

Promises, I've kept.

Wonder what it is,

That you cant see,

That you cant hear,

Despite my pleas unsilent.

Throat hoarse,

Hope despaired

Tongue bitten,

Heart still beating.

Walk away only to

Return with hope anew

Care brimming from the top

and hope back in the eyes.

Take a look at me,

I'm standing here,

Just like I said,

Promises, I've kept.

A word of appreciation,

A look of care,

A sigh of relief,

That yes, you are here.

Farewell

As I bid goodbye to you,
I wonder if its a farewell.
I take a step closer,
Kiss you on your cheek
And turn around
To hide my tears-
A futile attempt.

I want you to not leave,
A desire I keep hidden
In the depths of my heart.
I want to run away.
It hurts to see you go
Will you miss me?
I wonder.

I walk with you to check-in
Like on auto-pilot
Emotions overpowering
Mind whirling,
Thoughts running wild
Voice caught in my throat
Hands numb.

Finally, it is time
For the one final hug,
Tears dried, muscles frozen.
You take my face in your hands
"This ain't farewell, just a
See you later". I smile and
Whisper back, "See you later, alligator"

Silly silly me!

Time may be a healer,

I know not.

Tomorrow, when I look back,

It may hurt not.

The pangs I feel

In the pit of my stomach

I may feel not.

The way the colour

Runs away from my face,

The way the smile

Is wiped from my lips,

Each time I see you sad,

May happen not.

All I know is that

Today,

I love you.

It hurts to see you sad

It pains to see you pine.

It kills to have you

Not near.

Making a feeble attempt

To get my life back,

Regain my lost glory.

Take a step forward,

Only to take two backward.

Right back to you.

Always and forever,

Back to you, I run!

Time may be a healer,

I know not.

Tomorrow, when I look back,

It may hurt not.

The pangs I feel

In the pit of my stomach

I may feel not.

The way the colour

Runs away from my face,

The way the smile

Is wiped from my lips,

Each time I see you sad,

May happen not.

All I know is that

Today,

I love you.

It hurts to see you sad

It pains to see you pine.

It kills to have you

Not near.

Making a feeble attempt

To get my life back,

Regain my lost glory.

Take a step forward,

Only to take two backward.

Right back to you.

Always and forever,

Back to you, I run!