Dear you.

A - I think you are awesome. I am so glad that you are in my life. Let's see this through, now, shall we?

B - I miss you. I hate that you are so far away and that I haven't seen you in years but I love the way we have stayed friends. You mean a lot to me. Things happened. People changed. We changed. Our friendship didn't. Thanks.

C - I can't wait to see you again.

D - I am sorry to say this but I am glad things ended between us. I would never found happiness the way I did. I hope, someday soon you find happiness and find it in your heart to forgive me.

E - When I see your name, your pic or even when people mention you, I blush and have butterflies in my stomach. Just so you know.

F - I hate how things ended. We could have done so much better. Isn't there a way we can get back to the friends we used to be?

G - I have changed. I know the relationship we used to share but it isn't the same anymore. I am sorry that I am not the sister to you that I used to be.

H - I wish I could say something nice about him to you. But I can say is that if he makes you happy, I am happy. I don't wish to spend more time with you guys than absolutely necessary. I can make time for you whenever. Alone, only.

These are just some random things I wish I had the guts to tell certain people in my life. For some reason, I am unable to. If you are reading this, I hope you get my point, if not, maybe it is best left unsaid. 


In a good way or bad, thanks for being a part of my life. In some way, you made me who I am. 

Letter to life

Dear Life,

I know I write often to you and ask for things to be better. I know I am demanding and expect more out of you. But today, I write to you to say thank you. You've brought wonderful people into my life and even if nothing goes my way, I am happy for the way things currently are (touch wood).

Life, I know I will still ask for things. I know I will still want you to be better. But I want you to know that it is only because I know that when you and me are together,we can definitely change things. We need not rely on stupid things like fate or luck.

That is all for now. Once again, thank you. :)

Your partner in crime,
Me.

Rant - 2

Things have changed and maybe, for the good. People that formed an integral part of my life, I kinda find them irritating now. People I yearned to talk to, I care not much anymore. I fail to realise if this is a good thing. But I guess, this is what people call moving on.

I am sorry that I don't reply to your pings or seem like a different person. I know you did no wrong to me, not intentionally, at least. But I am in a different place and I like the place I am in. Somehow, you don't fit in here. I am civilized with you but somehow, it feels wrong after the amazing relationship we shared.

I am not really sorry that I moved on but I feel weird that you got left behind. Maybe someday, we'll make peace and find a way to patch things. Till then, I would appreciate just being in touch and not continuously asking me what is wrong. I hope you understand. You always have in the past.

Thanks.

Rant- 1

Today, I realised that I have there are people who love me. Some people who will stick by me no matter what. People who care for me just because I am me. I can screw up, completely change or whatever, they will still love me and care for me.

It is because of such people that to the rest of the world, I can say, bring it on! It is because of them, I can look fear in the eye. Even with hundreds of responsibilities, I feel weightless. It is surprising that when I am feeling low, I always seem to ignore them.

Rule : Must not ignore those who love you. Care should be a 2 way street as much as possible.

Submitted to  3WW : Weightless, ignore, fear

I hate airports

There is something about the airports. I don't know why. I hate the energy there. Though I see people smiling and meeting up with their loved ones, there is something sad about that place. I have gone to pick up and I have gone to drop people. I have said goodbye and I have said hello. But the goodbye always outweigh the hello. I have this weird fear that I might never see them again. It is stupid and irrational but it is true.

Well, my most recent visit to the airport was to see off a friend. There is this feeling of dread. You hope the flight is late. You hope that something goes wrong. Yet there is something that tells you that it isn't going to be the last time. You know you will have to go through this over and over again, till one day, when it will over and that day, hopefully, shall be the day of joy.

Till that day, I shall be strong. Strong until I hear, "All my bags are packed and I am ready to go." Then, I run to get the tissues.

Mumbai Meri Jaan.

I have been thinking. Trust me, that is never ever a good thing. You know what happens when something that you believed in is not true. But I guess, it is a process of questioning the things that you believed in without any reason.

I believed that my city is an awesome place. But what makes it awesome? That is something I really can't say. It kills me to think that people think of Mumbai of being full of glamorous people or beggars. Mainly because I am neither. And that makes me feels that I don't belong here.

It is worse that my friends got their wallets stolen in the train and we had to file police complaints. This after telling one of my friends who is new to the city that Mumbai is one of the safest places.

When Mumbai got voted as the rudest city, I was appalled. I never have seen this city as rude. People always seemed eager to help me. But then as pointed out by someone, I haven't really spent enough time anywhere else to compare objectively.

What makes this place awesome? It is my home. It will always be special. That is reason enough for me, if not anyone else.

The Imperfect Me

I baked a cake today. I read somewhere that a cracked cake is a good cake because it releases all the hot air from inside. I smiled and thought I am glad that I am cracked from somewhere. I am glad I aint perfect.

(Oh the crack was covered beautifully with cream.)

Here is a pic of it : http://tweetphoto.com/19733383 (Honestly, I made it)

I love Mumbai

All said and done, I love my city. I love Mumbai. I love my home for what it is and more importantly what it can become (No not Shanghai). I love it for everything it has to offer for the ones who are ready to take in on the experience.

But it kills me within to hear people (read : visitors) commenting only either on the glamour and "chaka chaund" or on the poverty and dirt. I have seen this glamorous and many times, lonely lives and I have also seen the poor yet happy smiling lives. They say you can't live anywhere else, after you have lived in Mumbai. Well, I don't agree completely. But I can say for sure, you can't know what this city truly is unless you have lived here. You have to travel in the local trains and eat Bhel Puri from Juhu beach. You have to smoke that cigarette at Marine Drive and look at the "Queen's Necklace". You have believe in yourself or atleast pretend to. Even if you are beggar, you have to exude confidence.

When you spend that 250 rs for a beer at Hawaiian Shack and on your way back, a small child taps on your window, you feel a sense of guilt but then, you also know that you do your bit. Very few of us have that capacity and the capability to change the world all by yourselves. And we try to do it by whatever we can. Does it mean we are not good people? I really don't know. I, in fact don't know what makes a good person.

I don't know what makes Mumbai special. I will defend it both ways. I will not agree when people say that it is the best places to live in and I will totally oppose when people say anything bad about it.

I hate it when people stereotype. Mumbai is about a place that I call home along with many many others. It is special because people come here with dreams like any other place. Because people live here and people die here. Some eat on the roads and some in posh restaurants. Everyone calls it home just like any other city.

It is just another city.


(I haven't re-read this post because it is an emotional outburst and I might not post it if I do. Excuse all contradictions of thoughts and more importantly all stupid spelling/grammar errors)

Memories.

It is this feeling that I can't rationalize, I can't negotiate. Never ever does it ebb. When I think it has, something totally random brings memories flooding back. A stupid grey car like the one we had. Scrambled eggs like the ones you used to make. Memories so little and not really vivid but the pain, never once dulling.

I miss you, Mom. I wish I had known you more, I wish I had known you longer.



Submitted to 3 WW : Ebb, Random, Negotiate

Follow Friday

So those who have absolutely no idea of what twitter is or what happens there, to such people, I would like to introduce the concept of #followfriday or #ff. Since people on twitter "follow" each other bcas they find them interesting, once a week, people refer to their followers, handles (or usernames) of interesting people they are following.

I, in my life have a lot interesting people. And unfortunately, they are all mine :) Keeping the pompousness aside, these are the people I love and wish you could know them as well as I do.

(Most handles are not real, if they are, I have linked them, you may want to follow them, they are awesome)

Akash (@sportsfreak/ @reddevil )

We have the same set of genes, wish we could fit into the same jeans.

Dad ( @dada_don/ @technN00b)

Loves to have all the latest gadgets. Can't figure them out. #epicwin for me and @sportsfreak.

Jr ( @jinxxedout / @tallboy )

Mean. Rude. Potentially scary. Affectionate. Misunderstood. Taken.


Nab( @MysteriousNabz/ @mypartnerincrime)

Most of the time, all she can say is "I know" and she always knows.

Nive (@purplenomad / @secretninja)

The secret ninja that is scared to cross the road. While not ninja-ing, she listens to me go gleeeee.

Neha (@secretkeeper / @levelheadedgirl )

The only reason I hate her is that she is in UK. She is the voice in my head in non-creepy way.

Paridhi ( @lostinBangkok / @ImissIndia )

Bhaji Dosa, Palak Cheese Dosa, her and me at Shiv Sagar - Picture complete. I miss her.

Preetam (@preetam_e / @lostandfound)

My lost and found friend. Though, he keeps getting lost every now and then, he is one hell of a listener. If he had a personal's ad, it would read "Loves long walks on the beach"

Shwe ( @peskychild / @laughingbuddhi)

Things she understand about me no-one can ever. Probably, one of few people who I let call didi and get away with small little things like these. Oh, we need a nice Kashmiri doctor for her. Applications open!

Criminology

I hate it when people called them deviants. Deviants who don't follow and deviate from societal norms? We all do as we are taught. If your environment as a child was saturated with crime, what else can you expect from them as adults? All you can do is identify such environments and saturate with tender, loving care, instead.

This is what my future looks like if I do end up doing that criminology course I have been eying.


For 3WW : Deviate, Saturate, Idenitfy

Time Capsule

One of the worst part of having a blog is probably re-reading all the stuff you have ages ago. It is like a time capsule. You move on from that place but leave a dog-ear in the book of life. When you have moved on miles from that place and re-read that particular thing about that incident that happened and memories, emotions come flooding back.

Sometimes you wonder how could I have felt that way. But most often, I feel all those emotions within me. Why? Why? I fail to understand. I shouldn't feel this way.

Who am I to ask anything to emotions? They have a mind of their own. Stupid damn emotions.

Someday, I will laugh at all that I have written. Someday, I promise myself.

Judge me not!

How often do we judge people? Don't you dare tell me that you don't. Of course you do. And it aint a bad thing. It is our way of be aware of people around us and we would be stupid if we didn't.

However, making an assumption about a person on the basis of a single incident is the worst kind of generalisation. What prompted this weird post are 2 sets of interaction with a particular someone on twitter.

1st incident happened a few days ago, when I tweeted, " It feels really nice and comfortable talking to a friend in Marathi."  Marathi happens to my mother tongue and the comfort of that can't be compared to anything else. It is like sleeping on your mother's lap. Secure!

Getting back, this random dude decides to tell me that I being like a particular someone (ahem) and was being a lingual racist. His replies to me regarding that got weirder and very very brash and not so subtle. I asked him to stop following me if things I said bothered him so much (I was being nice). He refused to cease till I said I would actually block him if he irritated me once more (no #chetanblocks jokes, please) He stopped!!!

Now the second incident. The same random dude happened to read my last blog post about MAD and says to me, " What a marvelous job you are doing. You are such a kind-hearted person. God bless you and your team."

His words mean zilch to me. But, look how his opinion of me changed with 2 sentences.  Now he has got me thinking. When was the last time I judged someone on basis on what he said or did? How many have I judged and not given them a second chance?

Fool

This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 9; the ninth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

I know it and yet,

I choose to be me.

I know that rainbows

and unicorns exist.

And you may laugh

at me for thinking so.

I know it and yet, 

I choose to believe

in myself and my beliefs.

I know it and yet,

I choose to be me.

I know that life 

is lovely and easy.

And you may scoff

at me for thinking so.

I know it and yet,

I choose to live

like I would live, forever.

I know it and yet,

I choose to be me.

I know of the world

and of it's crooked ways.

And yet, I choose to be.

I know of you

and your devious mind,

the cruel intentions,

And yet, I choose to be

Just another fool.

The knack of defiance,

The norms that I shun,

With my heart on my sleeve

and head on my shoulders,

I proclaim, myself to be,

Just another fool!

The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

Oh you CAN smile!

I would be happy if I could just get those score.
I swear I will never be sad if I just landed that job.
Oh I need to land that promotion or I will never be happy.
I need more money.
I need more clothes.
I need those purple shoes (Those M&S ones....Sigh)
I need my brother to listen to me.
Why doesn't my bf understand me?
My bf doesn't love me. My life is over.
She is prettier than I am.
Why isn't he with me?


Isn't it easier to find reasons to unhappy and sad? Isn't easier to mope around in the corner of a dark room? Happiness is a fucking struggle. Happiness is a habit which very very difficult to acquire. I aint going to ask you to find happiness and have the sun shining out of your ass, but yeah, you aren't any fun to be around if you are going to sad all the time. I don't like to hear your sob stories all the time. It would be good to hear you cheerful as well.

So, once in a while, it isn't all that bad to stick a plastic smile and just go along. It may just make you feel better. Try it!